I killed myself three years ago
An end to it all I had to know
I put the shotgun to my head
A quick flash and I was dead
I thought I could gain peace at last
An easy way to escape my past
I didn't care what my friends would think
Or even how low my family could sink
Only for myself did I care
Not until after was I fully aware
I betrayed my family and friends
For my actions there can be no amends
Life was hard and I was a bitch
Now with regret I sob and hitch
I'm a ghost and roam alone
Silently drifting from home to home
I must watch but not interfere
I can see, smell and even hear
Quickly my family fell apart
My mother is dying of a broken heart
My best friend got addicted to meth
Now he's in prison, sentenced to death
My precious lover became a whore
For her only misery and disease lie in store
Daddy's recovery went down the drain
He's always drunk to escape the pain
Sister, she's doing the best
In the psychiatric ward she's hardly a pest
So many lives disappearing and gone
Because I lacked the strength to carry on
Now I watch it all chapter by chapter
Wishing I cared before instead of after
A contest entry
- enter anything u want !!! by sweethelper.
300 points, ended February 19, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alot of different options for alot of different people... by skyviewexpress.
500 points, ended March 10, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 26 to 30 ages enter your best prewrite Judged by RedwingSpirit.
700 points, ended January 18, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme. Bring in your masterpieces! by Never Fall in Love.
1300 points, ended July 27, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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I liked this poem all i can say is wow!! Great write
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Wow, what strong and hard hitting peice you have here. For me this would have been a hard thing to write about and I admire the fact that you can. You can truely feel the emotion and heartache in each and every sentece, well done. I really liked this.
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sweet story. try putting this into quatrains
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Strong with a spice of darkness.
Well it seems you have once again managed to capture my attention. Your words ring with much emotion, and I fear I can relate to such. You are an amazing writer, and can alway manage to say what you feel. I too use words since long ago when I let the blade slide from my cold hands. Your work always seems to reach new leaves and improve with each new writing you come out with. It managed to slip threw my defenses and hit hard. I enjoy reading them, and hope to read more of your work soon.
Kudos to you.
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Very emotional words. I visioned you looking down on us all after you took your life. Sad thoughts indeed, but as humans and with certain situations we want to die. I hope that your life is heading for a more positive road. Life can be wonderful at times...but hell too...you just have to know how to seperate the two and make it all balance out for your head to grasp life in a good angle. Your words are well expressed and have alot of meaning. Well done...thanks for sharing
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Oh, my this is so strong. Wonderful poetry about a sad subject. Very well-written and continuity is great.
Well done!
Wolfie
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beautifulll !
okay so this all might sound weird coming from a 16 year old teenager girl, but i absolutely love your poetry and can really relate to it in some ways!
this poem is so powerful and the emotion is overwhelming but hey, feeling the emotion pour out of a poem is what makes it that much more REAL. this honestly brought tears to my eyes! i really admire the way you write...i guess it never occurred to me as much that adults can feel pain and be suffering, too.
this flowed very smoothly and was just overall amazingly breath-taking! you hit really sensitive topics but that just means you'll be able to reach out to a lot more people with your work. =) have you ever gotten any of your poems published? if not, you really should.
good luck with the contests you've entered this in!
and thank you again for the comments on my poetry -- it means a lot to have an older, more experience writer read it :]
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excellent work with this poem nice rhyme
Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest. I wish you the best of luck
Redwing Spirit
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Very Honest
Hey! You could be my husband...he is currently in his 55th day of rehab. I finally took our 6 month old and 8 year old and left him on halloween after I found a bottle of Jim Beam under the seat of his car after being out with the baby for hours. I had to have the police go get him after 23 days of straight drinking. When he got to detox his BAC was .488. I know in my heart I saved his life. I know there is a long road ahead, but I love him...I just can't love him For him. I really hope he learns that for himself so we can be a family again. Thanks for sharing this and making me feel less alone in the world. ~~Paige -
I genuinely got shivers from this.
I know I said I was too tired to read your work... but, I seem to be drawn in so easily.
I especially loved the lines:
I'm a ghost and roam alone
Silently drifting from home to home
I'm not sure what I like about them.
Maybe the fact that I can identify. I've felt so invisible and empty... much like a ghost, when I've had to drift from home to home. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere... and the word "roam" shows this so well.
This is a great poem, well done!
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Ahhh...been there! Wonderful sharing of honesty!
Blessings~
Az
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Such truth in the issue at hand. I a friend to lend you a hand. Wonderful job!
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touching
this poem really touched me again. I love the issues you bring up here about suicide being a thing which effects lots of people not just the sufferer themselves. I particularly like the ending two lines which sum up the poem nicely with an excellent choice of rhyme. Again, another amazing piece.
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I love this one and am extremely pissed off that it did not win a trophy. It was brilliant and had perfect flow and a very nice rhyme to it. Nice work.
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i feel dimness, and sometimes that´s a really good thing. i like the flow in this work and its massive depression and feeling of loss, and what could´ve happen if the person wouldn´t have decided to leave.
it really got to me.
cheers from iceland.
-Viktor Kaldalóns. -
i like the writing i read a while ago from him
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wow, this is an amazing perspective considering your not dead! Most people who are in the suicidal state of mind never really realize what their death could do to people aroudn them and even if they do its always unpredictable! I lost a friend awhile ago to herself... I cant help but always think, did she think know one would miss her? cause I saw how many people where hurt, teachers, and freinds cried, even strangers. If they werent crying about her personally it was becaue her death brought realization to others! I know this is alittle off track but you understand hoepfully!~ This was an awsome poem i loved it!Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Dear Poet,
I don't know you but when I am reading your piece, I feel some sadness and my heart is aching...
We understand that life is not so easy right? But emotions and feelings are created by our thoughts.
Life is beautiful, there is more people who cared that we didn't know. If we will focus only for negative it's only a burden in our soul...Everyday is a new beginning and if life is tough then we are more tougher! There is more opportunities waiting for us, we don't need to be prisoner in our past..we must to step forward...We cannot run, hide and to invisible but to face the facts.
Seems we are feeling lost and so hard to find unopened the close doors but I am sure we can able to find our way out of the dark.... Everything throughout life has a purpose,life makes us stronger... life make us smarter than before....but we are not alone...we scared and been hurted many times but suicide is not an options,regardless of the circumstances...We really understand that our life would be a mess but suicide is not a solution. We must convince ourselves of that.
Wanting to die or thinking about suicide or trying to kill ourselves really means we want things to change. There are things in our life we can't control or manage, and we've discovered how vulnerable we are. The pain of how things are becomes unbearable, but we don't know how to change it.
It's sure suicide stops the pain, of course, but it stops everything else too--
But if we go along in this crazy world, is that we should never stop trying, living, laughing, loving, or learning. We should never give up in life, because even if we’re having a tough time of it, with God’s help, we eventually work our way through problems in sometimes miraculous ways.
We don’t look for tragedy and bad fortune, but I know that there will be times when it will happen. We have to accept the bad along with the good....
One day you'll look back and realize the painful experience of it all has enriched your soul and expanded your consciousness.
Wish you love, light, life and pleasure!!!
~~GRACE~~
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Dear Jed
First, your poem gave me chills, and then I cried.
This was good. Every one that's thinking about committing suicide, should read your poem "After" first.
You aptly captured through your poetry how it can truely be a coward's way out to leave those one loves behind to deal with it all.
Life is precious, and one cannot escape the responsibilty and kharma. We all have a profound affect on one another. While we are living is when we should work things out, because it is very difficult to do this after we die. Your poem gets this across very clearly, and how tragic it can be for everyone if one shuns this responsibility.
Keep the poems coming...they are spiritually and ethically elevating. People that read your poetry are bound to be more enlightened because of it!
Kareneisenlord
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this was amazing. describing the effects of suicide from this viewpoint is very original. it contains such deep observations and shows how our actions have consequences for others, and not just ourselves. this has such an important message. great job!
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Amazing..
I could very well see the mist of a shape peering through windows.. What is a ghost, but memory that won't let go? Be it in anger - or love.. This was phenominal..
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it was a very descriptive write !! i was amazed by your wonderful talent !! i realy loved this write ,
thank you so much for entering the contest and best wishes in the contest ,
your well wisher ,
-truthwriter -
Consequence, regret and pain very descriptive, like it
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Heart Breaking
This is such a wonderful and beautiful write. It is amazing how when we feel ourselves hit rock bottom we care nothing about our actions until it is to late. I can visualize a wondering soul. Looking at everything like walking through a book. This is a truely amazing write. It nice to see some one actually write a suicide peice that has meaning in the end and isnt just the same thing over and over. Beautiful write. Keep up the great work you have suck talent. I hope one day I can reach your level of skill.
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omg!!!
whoa!!! talk about deep! this has to be one of the most powerful peices i have read.. its amazing how you used such awesome imagery. so vivid. so wonderful.
you have sooo much talent.
i especialy love
"Sister, she's doing the best
In the psychiatric ward she's hardly a pest"
its awesome.
xx
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Wow, I love this. I like how you are able to see and describe so vividly(SP?) what would have happened.
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Holy Cow!!!! Hit me with a two-by-four to bring me back to reality. DAMN this was good.
If potential suicide victims read this, I'd bet that it would penetrate their minds and make them think twice about who will suffer from them taking their own life.
POWERFUL and GRIPPING!
You just hit my favorite list Jeb...
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POWERFUL!
thank you so much for telling me about this poem. i loved it a lot. and i am going to show this to my friend. i love how you started off not caring but then you came to realize how much you are affecting other people but sometimes you start to realize things a little to late. AMAZING poem. i loved every little bit of it it flowed so well. and i meaning behind it was wounderful. good job!
♥
sam
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Sometimes the only thing that keeps us here is the fear what might happen to the ones that loved us. I have dealt with this before, and its a powerful thought. It really gives a purpose to life, and usualy its a start of recovery. I love how you told the story of everyone else in this poem, bringing the characters to life. Very nice read, you are a very good writer.
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I'm blown away by this piece...You have a very melodic flow..I think I said that in another comment, but you do...I really enjoy reading your work, not only does it have a cool flow, but you speak with so much honesty and I can relate to what you're expressing! Awesome F*ckin Job
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My god this is awesome. the last lines hit me really hard
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This is incredible. Very strong, sad, and, most of all, touching. Such a great insight into something I think most people forget to consider. Excellent work writing on such a controversial topic.
Not to plug, but this reminds me a lot of my piece "Lament of the Deceased."
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i love this poem great job
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wow i really like this and how you summed it up at the end
now i watch it all chapter by chapter
wishing i cared before instead of after
those are two great lines..but the poem in itself is very good and emotion felt..i like it
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Wow. I've always wondered what would happen after someone did that. What you have here seems like it could really happen, what would be worse then knowing you caused all that? Its hard to see people greive, if you caused it.. wow. This poem has an excellent theme to it.
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Wow this was real deep... im really likein your work.. you know how to portray a feelin in so lil words.. youll be hearin from me again.. and again... great work..
Laters
Loves...*hugs*
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This is incredible. I don't think I've read too many poems about how the after-fact would be like. Great and very strong write.
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great write! very powerful and dark! love it
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okay. you and i are like... whoa, fucking creepy man. i just wrote a poem about you and that you are doing what you didn't do in this poem... okay you and i again are like twins from a different family. are you sure you don't have a sister and just don't know about it... lol.
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Hit me with your best shot!
Damn! This really hit me in the face...KAPOW!!!!! My mother committed suicuide when I was 8 so I can totally relate to the emotions being put before me here in this pen. You most definitly hit it and gave me your best shot. Holy crap, this is sooo fucking dead on it is scary. And ghosts...yes I do believe they roam amoung us and see what we are experiencing. Gave me chills this one did...marching into my favorites you are...jeeeeeezzzzzzzzus!
Becky
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I loved this one! I'm speechless. You do great work on your poems. Alot so sad I just feel like holding you and telling you it will be ok.
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WOW
amazingly written, there is a lot of depth and emotion, well done
ang
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Powerful
WOW.. man i love your poetry! Again a really hard hitting message here, and I know what was going through your head when you wrote it. When your so deep in that pit of despair you feel there's no one around you and you become introverted, yet if you were to think about the effect, you'd see that those who do care, will be deeply affected if you decide to go through with your plan and that in truth, you'd regret that decision. After all, you can't undo taking your life. This should be published as it could give an understanding yet hard-hitting message to those who are just like us. Keep it up :-)
Ali xx
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Awesome
this poem really hits home, i think a lot of people need to read this. keep it up man. -
Wicked good.
It shows how much suicide effects those connected, it rings true, and that makes it good. Most people don't think about the people who had relationships with them, instead they only think about the one who actually committed it. Your point of veiw is refreshing, but there's a dark truth behind the rhymes. Good job, keep on writing. -
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thank you
that is an awesome fucking compliment! Its exactly what I was going for. thank you! -
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Woot.
LoL, no problem mun, I wrote what I saw.
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