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Inebriated



you were prone to knowing things
and I was borne of blood
hesitant, inebriated
grappling for the flood

of tide waters in the valley
and nobody knows how they died
but the emotions within me were feudal things(not futile)
you just came along for the ride

well, you rode me into the ground
and I can't say I didn't enjoy it
you lacked all your subtle art
or you simply refused to employ it

wasted, incoherant and mumbling
drunken on berries and blood
heartsick, seasoned and stumbling

your headwaters (heartwaters)
dragged me, lagging
under the tide
of the only thing I can ever embrace-
the pain that dwells inside.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Robin Candor
    January 11, 2007

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    I have read this a dozen times. I have even read it aloud to Jen and got her take on it. Of course I used word emphasis where I felt it necessary according to my own interpretation which might have you saying, "no, no, no". At any rate I have been without comment, which is totally unlike me. One thing that I shared with Jen about you is your use of 'matter of fact'. This is something you employ in many of your writes. For instance this one begins with one of those forgone conclusion statements. You take these statements and follow them with a contrast about yourself. Look at the first two lines and you see what I mean. This is your trademark. It is like a lover being able to recognize their object of affection in the dark. I could almost know you wrote something if it bore these birth marks afore described. I believe I would be able to say, "Emma" just from the flat out slap in the face statement followed by a description poetically of yourself. It is comforting to be able to see such things in writers so that you can say they have been embraced and loved. Even if there were no internet and all you did was read someone's work, you begin to feel as if you know them and they are your semantic friend. Of such things is this poem. It is forged in the stuff of 'you' and bears your mark. That is a good thing. RC


    • DarknessFleeting
      January 23, 2007
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      Oh Robin! I am so sorry it took me so long to respond. Computer problems and the like. But what ana amazing comment and compliment you have left me here! You made my day with your remark. I do not know what to say, except thank you and I feel the same way with poetry. What a huge accomplishment that you can identify the "Emma" that resided within. I hope to do another collection with you soon. Let me know.

      Emma

  • HeartbrokenVampire
    January 11, 2007
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    wow!!

    this is really good!!!i applaud you!!