i don't understand
how you let yourself be governed
by everything but
the smell of your very own
pounding sex
tonight
8 words
made my body temperature rise
and my legs feeble
like the wooden boards in aunt Kitch's barn
her hair's not silver
it's just gone grey
and her hands aren't withered
they've simply grown old
i need some six inch nails
dug into my skin to give me
a bit of kick
i clawed through the cabinet
and read every fucking blur
laughing at me from what used to be a letter
or a bottle tag
come on, stupid little girl
get yourself high like
the suicide skyline and turn your back
to that open door
uncle John hands you the key
and lets you lock yourself up
with all of your fucking pity
and let the damn thing eat you alive
and leave your bones for remorse to chew on
i shake my head
wipe the scribbles out of my eyes
and peer between the fine china
and the whiskey bottles
to see a cold white wall glued in the back
yes
you know all too well
dear
that between your fix lies a dead end
a place where you'd rather still
than to go forward and plaster your head
time after time
after
fucking time again
take another shot
close that mirror door kiddo
you're much too strong to let this open window
kick your breath back to the streets.
you'll find these feeling once again someday
as long as you live to see it
A contest entry
- onerios13 Emulation Contest by Nicole Hanna.
1750 points, ended January 27, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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=P
you can do better. lol. just thought i would be different =]
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i dont write to 'do better'. i write because its my way of saying how i feel, i dont do it to be a poet or whatever the fuck else people call themselves on this website. its just the way i choose to express myself. some rape kids, other kill, i write. ever see someone telling a pedophile : 'you could do better' ?? jesus saint christ ke sa menarve ste criss de site a marde.
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WOW this is good! is this the same kid who wrote 'picking scars'? maybe it's not. but if you are, you've come a long way - you're definitely not a kid anymore!
this is really powerful, i could feel your angst and the blow of the stabs you made at yourself. VERY well written - like Gosia, you see beyond your years and i truly admire that. i know at sixteen (be it because of the medications or not) i was in my own fluffy little world where i actually thought i had physical rhythm (i am an awful dancer, but still love it from time to time) and actually thought i could rhyme my way out of a paper bag (i've gotten a little better, with practice) - among other things. come to think of it, i don't remember much about being sixteen at all, just my state of mind. maybe it was the meds; who knows.
ANYWAYS, back to this critique lol. feel free to revise my star count on this, if it gives me an automated four because i rambled on for so long - i was mostly talking about me
but yeah, awesome write! i'm sorry i haven't been through your stuff lately, i'll definitely be browsing around again!
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damn
that's really strong, really good. kinda harsh, it's awesome
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very much like Darcy
in a convoluted way of raw thoughts coming together in the end...and kickin' your ass into realization
best wishes
peace Muddy
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Powerful!
You get it out of you girl!
the imageery is great although i've never been there. your expression was absolutly blunt and down to earth.
You told it as it should, sometimes people like it better. it sure gets the message across.
well done.
Slán Dolores.
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back again in tip top shape.
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ooh lala. has been ages since I've read you. don't know why. but this was excellent. I did enjoy it. so how are you these days anyway?
best wishes,
Lea
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now im good. back to reality. the real one, not the one where i was fucked up 24/7. i decided to change reality rather than to change my perception of reality
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well I am happy for you then. I do understand your desire to try to escape, and am glad to hear of your resolve.
Lea
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great poem...
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wow I really like the harshness and crisp feel of this!
it was wonderful
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this was interesting. it'be been away for over a week so it's nice to see you left something for when I got back. keep up the great work.
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liked it very much so. it was well written.... very strong...
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excellent-
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i likeee very muchee too
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Smack!
Now that was some harsh writing. You'd probably do well to remove the punctuation though... she'd cringe if she saw it. LOL. But I love the form and line breaks. I think it's very reminiscent of her style, like her slam approach and punching lines. Me likee.
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