I danced in my room
listening to the Beatles
Shake off the worries,
Rising anger...
Oh those useless thoughts
things that have not happened.
""All You Need Is LOOOVE.. LOVE..."
It started with a nasty implication from a friend.
Not what was said.
But the malice behind it.
It hurts when a friend implies something about you for certain reasons,
Utterly selfish, self- fullfilling reasons.
So I thought of what else could happen.
What I would I do.
Oh the anger that rose,
These useless thoughts
Scenerios twisted in my head,
around
and around...
To express
how she makes me feel,
When her self Pleasuring duties--- call...
Like a rat on cheese she goes for the Rat.
'''Sorry, I'm going to be too f-ing quick for you...'''
And *Snap!*....
Shut...
the eyes, they shut.
I picture it all in my head.
Going back and forth
between occuring truth and wavering fiction.
*******
I kept my mouth zipped
when she was not sincere to her Man.
I looked at her
envied her beauty.
Her ability to embrace the ugly.
I thanked her for loving me.
Tick.. tick... time, it flew.
Changes.
With her now...
Anger reigns.
Jealousy... perhaps?
Hard to concieve,
that it could be...
directed toawrds me.
And maybe it isn't that way.
She Hides like a cat,
but ever so well she shows,
what is just a Toy to her.
Like a child. She doesn't want to share her toys.
*********
Her...
Me- paranoid.
Her...make me crazy,
Me-- regret knowing her.
feel dirty for kissing her
feel ashamed to keep looking
and thinking I find beauty in her.
*****
Slapping, pushing. Just mostly... extent of it all.
*********
I let her get away with it...
jealousy,
anger,
insecurites...
Like Shit, They Happen.
"Shitty friends are still shitty friends........"- friend says.
Preach to me: It's what they do with their insecutires.
I suck all their BS up.
I keep trying to see beauty.
*******
~~~I'M HURT, LIKE MY FIRST RAZOR BLADE STING.
USED TO IT, BUT IT STILL NEEDS A BAND-AID.~~~
I IMAGINED my speech
my eyes
locked with hers...
Watching her fall to the floor
As her head boomed against the wall
trail of blood from the point of hit
Following her, glistening and slimey,
To her head resting on top of her limp body
On the floor.
No one died.
But How...
HOW COULD I DREAM.....?
********
I closed my eyes, in my room.
I put on the Beatles, and danced around,
Dripping wet from the shower...
feels good to be cold and
going numb.
~~~These emotions manifesting into my actions.~~~
Trying to forget, remember it hasn't happened,
yet...
Remember to not let my angry heart get carried away with
Taking it all,
like a fucking bitch.
I SHAKE, I stutter, GOD IF SHE DOES IT... don't let me stutter.
I can't let myself STUTTER.
It hurts, she bugs.
Like the sun burning your eyes...
you fear you could go blind,
....If you keep staring.
Adding your comment: