He swallowed.
He thought time would stop when they would be alone
(Now he found it flowing faster, and, he wanted to freeze it. Or at least make this last longer - just to be with her. Just her.)
As him and her.
As hunted and hunter.
As the lovers that were never were.
He waited,
Breath bated,
his whole being suspended before the kiss. Her lips curved out into her famous indulgent, inviting smile, her eyes crinkling, relaxed.
He sought her out,
Dared to lean in closer, changing the air,
Risked breaking the spell
That seemed to hold her this close to him.
The most delicate of spells
That would allow him to be let in the mysteries of her lips and their rumoured pleasures.
An inch away from unravelling those mysteries
But she made her move: her hand snaked up his neck to cradle the back of his head, her grip was intricate and there was a
heartbreaking nonchalance about it that made him
soar.
She drew him closer to place her lips upon him.
He waited,
Breath,
Bated,
His whole being
Suspended
Before the kiss.
Her lips widened her smile to a grin, her eyes crinkling further to close.
She leaned forward, upward to kiss him.
Heavy and light (he couldn’t decide)
Ambiguous and distinctly defined,
Blink-of-an-eye yet its ghost was long-lasting.
A solitary kiss.
Her lips were soft against him,
The moment burned through him, burned diagonally between
Formidable collarbone and his enticing Adam’s apple
Where upon him, her kiss she let fall.
He swallowed dreamlike, ethereal poison and wine,
As if he could drink the ghost of the feeling of her kiss.
The ghost of the feeling, at the very most and at the very least.
She pulled back. Her eyes, debauched in the gentlest of ways.
He heard her say something to which he nodded, politely.
'Good lord, if the moment does not break, I might as well kiss her,' a part of him thought half-resolutely.
And in a while, his breathing will resume.
Author notes
Many thanks to writonthebody. The comment from February 13 is very very helpful. You are absolutely correct. Things like these can and should go without saying.
(Below is the original so I can compare the changes and I prefer the editted version.)
Again to writonthebody, cheers!
He swallowed.
It was one of their first few times to be alone.
As him and her.
As hunted and hunter.
As the lovers that were never were.
He waited,
Breath bated,
his whole being suspended before the kiss. Her lips curved out into her famous indulgent, inviting smile, her eyes crinkling, relaxed.
He sought her out,
Dared to lean in closer, changing the air,
Risked breaking the spell
That seemed to hold her this close to him.
The most delicate of spells
That would allow him to be let in the mysteries of her lips and their rumoured pleasures.
An inch away from unravelling those mysteries
But she made her move: her hand snaked up his neck to cradle the back of his head, her grip was intricate and there was a heartbreaking insouciance about it that made him soar. She drew him closer to place her lips upon him.
He waited,
Breath,
Bated,
His whole being
Suspended
Before the kiss.
Her lips widened her smile to a grin, her eyes crinkling further to close.
She leaned forward, upward to kiss him.
Heavy and light (he couldn’t decide)
Ambiguous and distinctly defined,
Blink-of-an-eye yet its ghost was long-lasting.
A solitary kiss.
Her lips were soft against him,
The moment burned through him, burned diagonally between
Formidable collarbone and his enticing Adam’s apple
Where upon him, her kiss she let fall.
He swallowed dreamlike, ethereal poison and wine,
As if he could drink the ghost of the feeling of her kiss.
The ghost of the feeling, at the very most and at the very least.
She pulled back. Her eyes, debauched in the gentlest of ways
But disappointment was wringing satisfaction’s neck at the bottom of her lucid pools. Insanity was climbing out of the well.
“See you next term.” A cheery smile through the tone, otherworldly.
He nodded, politely. In a while, his breathing will resume.
He wanted to kiss her.
Too many moons he wanted to kiss her
But his violent fantasies were drowned by his triumphant failure.
At least he had a clue.
Through that solitary kiss.
A contest entry
- A Catch in your breath.. (prewrites allowed) by AngieMae.
490 points, ended January 25, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
some of this is just fantastic. I mean, really- just fantastic.
Heavy and light (he couldn’t decide)
Ambiguous and distinctly defined,
Love this whole section.
My one complaint is that I think you could end it earlier. The last line sort of, peeters out. I think you could end it at
Too many moons he wanted to kiss her.
Everything else is implied. But hey, that's just my opinion. Bravo.
~cheers,
writonthebody -
I love the description of his thoughts before the kiss. First kisses are moments that seemed suspended and oh-so-important. Maybe try writing it without the Harry Potter refernce? Anyways, thanks for the entry!
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