Inexplicably, my presence invokes your smile
in instances of pure and uncontained joy.
Can You Really Love Me So?
I dare not ask this question aloud –
fearful that you won’t confirm our union.
Being together is magical for me;
each shared moment illuminates my life
with Hope’s brightest light.
I dare not ask this question aloud –
Can You Really Love Me So?
Our natural chemistry is a catalyst,
igniting passion that comes from…
Simply gazing on your immortal smile.
I must be crazy to imagine
that you would have me around,
nourishing me with your spiritual essence.
Can You Really Love Me So?
I am willing to learn…
Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://www.squidoo.com/book-isbn-1419650513/
Author notes
option #4
Contest: rewrite a write... of PDK's "simply you are a beauty of life..."
A contest entry
- rewrite a write...1 by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
425 points, ended February 11, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Her I love her by Shadows of wolves.
800 points, ended March 5, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Glittering Shards of a Broken Heart by x Gemini x.
600 points, ended March 1, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - so you think you know what i like? by Desiree Darkk.
1055 points, ended March 31, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make William proud... by Nomadic Prince.
425 points, ended May 15, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites only! by honey bear.
350 points, ended May 13, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bittersweet Symphony by glued-to.
400 points, ended June 25, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best shot! by Dancing Rebel.
525 points, ended September 23, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sensuality Unglued And Painted Pink by H4rd Kisses.
550 points, ended October 10, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Creativity and the Illusion by Ephiphany.
650 points, ended October 6, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teach me to LOVE by Jessi-desensytized.
500 points, ended December 21, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
450 points, ended July 16, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sappy love poems by crazymomma.
800 points, ended July 27, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - lotsa points!!!! (extended time! I want as many entries as possible!) by DogTagz-Kayla.
800 points, ended August 9, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites w/ options!!!!! by perfectsunset.
450 points, ended August 14, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Whatever by feltXtippedXVenom.
875 points, ended September 14, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 78 of 78
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wow such beauty.
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Aww this was such a beautifully written and expressed poem. Your elaborations were wonderful.
This made for a great read!
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
"Can you really love me so?" I think we all wonder this sometime. I am lucky enough to know the answer to that question. This was a touching write. Thanks for entering and good luck
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I really like the foundation of the piece and the idea, but I felt as if you told me everything -
I was missing the imagery that would have helped carry the emotion even that much smoother.
It is also a personal preference, but I am not fond of the questions in the piece -
this is a beautiful poem. thoughts behind a relationship...nice topic. questioning whether this love is real. i like it.
. Rewarded 4
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Good
This poem was sweet and very good.
The opening lines
"Inexplicably, my presence invokes your smile
in instances of pure and uncontained joy.
Can You Really Love Me So?"
Reminded me of my puppy
The way he smiles and becomes so happy whenever i walk into the room and you can feel the love he has, yet it doesnt seem possible.
A beautiful piece
xoxo -
I love this write! Alot of emotion and truth in it! Hope they letyou know how much they love you! Excellent job!
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I wonder the same thing everyday, I realise how lucky I am but also worry that one day he'll wake up and realise that he could probably do so much better than me, but that day is not today and today he is mine, I also truly believe that that day will never come, it's just too good to be true sometimes though
Your poem has made me feel all gushy and stuff... great write
. Rewarded 8
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awww that was beautiful
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that was lovely! :
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Damn it's like you are watching a love movie I could see a little movie while I was reading amazinf piece. You are an excellent poet. This is the best love poem I have ever read all I have to say is Bravo. You have great talent in poetry. My fav part was: Our natural chemistry is a catalyst,
igniting passion that comes from…
Simply gazing on your immortal smile. Like I said great job.
. Rewarded 8
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It was a very well written poem. I liked it a great deal. It says what is on my heart with the one that I love. And am so afraid that will not be loved in return. Great write thank you for sharing
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Good poem always believe in love once another has proven it to you. and it doesn't always matter if they love you back, its if they are willing to learn how.
Good poem
-midgetbridgey -
Wow this poem is in many contests. Congrats on your honorable mention. Personally. i think you are worth having some happiness in your life. If a decent person wants to share their love with you, don't question.
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Very nice flow and easy to relate to. The emotion is real. Lovely.
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Beautiful and very sensual in its composure. Sometimes we must ask that aloud to know the truth. It is wonderful to have such a love returned. I personally found such a thing and it beyond amazing. Complete and soulfilling love is what keeps the masses searching for it, knowing that it does exist by those who've experienced such a wonder. Wonderfully done.
One suggestion I'd make is to stick the adult category in. It is slightly borderline of being a bit on the adult side.
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mad poem bruh
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A truly beautiful and wonderful write this is!
Very much enjoyed as you seemingly conveyed your heart and soul
Very well done! -
Excellente!!!
This sounds so passionate. I love how put a lot of emotion in this! -
This is very nice i know that feeling when the one your with is so great you can hardly believe it can be real
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Nice job; the piece is simple, and yet it has its own complexity to it. There is certainly a lot of emotion here, and the way you laid it out was very logical and easy for the reader to understand. I also liked your repetition; very effective.
Bravo!
-gh -
This is a brilliant poem. I enjoyed reading it. The words flow very nicely to fit the rhythm of the poem. Great job and keep writing!
:~Erin~: -
lovely! I think you can make it as a song lyric ...
I love this part alot:
"I must be crazy to imagine
that you would have me around,
nourishing me with your spiritual essence..."
thanks for sharing
. Rewarded 4
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This was an enjoyable read. You painted a very vivid picture here.
Well done.
Keep up the good writing -
Great!
I can relate to this poem really well.
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awesome
this is a great poem It expresses feelings well and has incredible flow.you are very telinted keep writing. -
Very beautiful poem that I think every person who has ever felt real love can relate to. It is one of those things that you are so elated to have, but you are too scared to question for fear that you might wake and it all have been a dream. Wonderful job putting that into words.
. Rewarded 6
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Very emotional! Well done! It really tugs on the heartstrings, especially:
"I must be crazy to imagine
that you would have me around,
nourishing me with your spiritual essence."
Great imagery. Very well written. -
wowwwww
it is really deep. i like it a lot. keep writing.
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I liked this poem, I really enjoyed the stanza with the smile..
Our natural chemistry is a catalyst,
igniting passion that comes from…
Simply gazing on your immortal smile.
that one =P
Great Write, Keep it up!
=] -
such a beautiful poem
I really like it
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i really like this poem =D
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This reads more like a prayer than a love poem to me
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love it!! It is so deep!!
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cool
I don't know if I, only a child, can judge poems, but I like this poem.
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aww very nice!
loved the words and emotions shown in this one!
Thanks for your entry and good luck in my contest! -
Imagery is stunning in this piece
wonderfully written from your heart.
Youve done a great job on what I asked.
Thank you
ephiphany
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Thank you for the entry, please fix your author comments box.
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Excellent
Wonderfully written, so heartfelt, and voicing a question I myself have often asked.
Thank you for entering my contest
Good luck
Zoe xxx -
Just as you predicted, I have fallen in love with this poem. You wrote it unbelievable well... it really relates to a problem I have been going through lately, hence my new poem "For The Soldier" http://allpoetry.com/poem/3321310
Great Work.
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Awww... I can relate to this so much. I wrote a poem similar to this question. It's a doubt that I think we all have at some point or another. Well done with this
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Oh, how I can relate...so much it's uncanny. Though one major difference; I asked the question aloud. You've captured those sorts of thoughts wonderfully. There's a sort of anxious, desperate feel to parts of it, a fragile hesitation surrounding the question embodied in the title. Very excellent work, keep it up.
. Rewarded 6
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This is a good poem i like how you question your feelings throughout the stanzas, i think that adds a lot of effect to the overall wording. I can feel your worry about losing your love, good write. thank you and good luck
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a good poem, a soft sighing tone to the words that slip down the page and linger in a mist of love and waves.
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I like the depth of this poem. A lot of people are very shallow when it comes to describing love and use a lot of cliches but you take it up and beyond. You made me view love on a fantasy level. Makes for an interesting read. Very thought provoking. Love it, Love it! Thanks for sharing
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Bravo! A display of amazing poetic talent. You hold your reader captive to your words from beginning to end. These feelings are ones that many can relate to but you have stated them in a brilliant way.
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Wowza.
This is amazingly well written.
I agree completely with the message that is being sent.
I have often felt this way many, many times,
And it’s comforting to know that I was never alone.
You don’t feel that way most likely.
Eeh. Anyway, good job.
-Eli
. Rewarded 6
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i like it. it's very full of passion and uncertainty and it flows quite nicely. the repetition of the question works well for the poem, and sometimes its hard to make repetition work. good job on this poem and keep on writing
. Rewarded 4
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thank yo ufor entering and good luck in the contest with this very lovely write, a pleasure to read
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well done, you did a great job... good luck and welcome to the contest!
-NP -
Nicely written. Sometimes we do have a doubt in our mind. We are not confident enough about ourselves. We don't want to believe that maybe this could be true. Someone could really love us. I like your ending, how it is willing to erase all doubts.
~Snappy~
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Well, Joe, you were right, I have enjoyed this poem, and now reading that it was a rewrite of another of my favorite poets, Prabhu, I am even more pleased by it. You have captured well and translated the essence of the original and yet have given it a new flavor by your interpretation. This is a fine example of free verse. Well done! Peace, Rhonda
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great work!
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Beautiful!
Beautiful one.. "Being together is magical for me;
each shared moment illuminates my life
with Hope’s brightest light." .. I have felt this magic ... and I could so much relate to your words here.. Thanks for sharing this poem... real beautiful one ..
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Beautiful, I love the wording and word usage in this piece and it flowed beautifully off the page, well done on a great write
Karen -
This is absolutely beautiful and rather inspiring...created a handful of emotion just waiting to be released...enjoyed this so much! Smiles, Terry
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Wow, You captured what i was trying to say completely. The bond that I have with this person makes me want to throw caution to the wind and just admit the feelings I have, but for the knowledge that they would never be returned. That alone stops me. Why add anymore confusion to the life I already am trying to struggle through daily. Thank you this was very inspired.
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Joe,
WOW! This is certainly impressive and beautiful. I can feel a stirring of emotion within your words that evokes a memory from within me on a personal level. Well done, friend. Keep the ink flowing. Love and hugs...
~Donna~
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Its ok to dream thats part of life
That is beautiful. I am a romantic at heart. And am in love with love writes. I mostly write about love and sadnese. Thank you for sharing this write with me. I enjoyed it very much. (Lisa)
"Being together is magical for me;
each shared moment illuminates my life
with Hope’s brightest light.
I dare not ask this question aloud –
Can You Really Love Me So?"
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I dare not ask this question aloud –
Can You Really Love Me So?
Trust me I have asked myself that question so many times.
Much enjoyed
Good luck
Shadows
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The problem with unrequited love is, no one can get past this exact point you mention - all poems and lives end here at this exact point. If anyone can solve the problem of unrequited love,, I really believe it would change mankind FOREVER...
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second:
The flow and imagery was very well done. Creative perspective and conveyance. Easily related to.
Job well done -
Being together is magical for me;
each shared moment illuminates my life
with Hope’s brightest light.
I dare not ask this question aloud –
Can You Really Love Me So?
Our natural chemistry is a catalyst,
igniting passion that comes from…
Simply gazing
this is a really great set of lines here I just kind of flowed along with them cuaght in their pulling attraction.
good luck
Shadows -
Wonderfully penned. I can easily relate to this piece. It is so hard to know if the feelings are mirrored or only held in such high esteem by one. Often it is that fear that keeps many of us alone and afraid to reach for that happiness, because with a word, it can shatter us. This is a well done and beautifully crafted piece. I wouldn't touch it. It is golden.
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Most beautifully written this is!
Thank you for sharing and for being a part of the contest..very sweet write! -
Oh. This is a very nice poem that you have here. I like it. It is very sweet with the way you were wording things. It reminded me of a young girl or young woman that is all full of hope and holding onto that bright light with all her wonderful prayers. I think that you've done a good job of expressing yourself.
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I like your use of big words. I can't help but to read this poem over and over agin. It really is wonderful.
"Our natural chemistry is a catalyst,
igniting passion that comes from...
Simply gazing on your immortal smile."
Best wishes and good luck. -
beautiful
I love this. it's exactly how I feel about someone and I can deffinetly relate to it. I find myself asking that question in my mind all of the time. Good work.
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What comes from the heart is the hearts true desire.
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bravo
i just liked the way it was written. when i read anything i ask myself if i felt the words.
i sure did here. smile
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wow! this had me wanting to scream YES! before i got to the end. you did very well and i am sure that you won't need luck in this contest which you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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A wonderful, loving piece. Not sure how it was before the rewrite, but I know its a great piece now.
Great job.
Soulful Woman -
This is very heartful work by the beautiful heart of the poet...Thank you so much for your kind entry...
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Wonderful
Wonderful work here. Re-writes are a courageous plunge! I am a big chicken...so I shall stay away from this contest!...I think. Such a gentle flow of emotion coursing through the piece. A Wonderful read from beginning to end. Good luck in the contest! ~Tia
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A lovely piece, my friend. You have done something I find very difficult to do; rewrite a piece from another's pen. Hugs, Patricia
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Such an awesome job here! Flowed so beautifully and proved to be a worthy read....keep the ink flowing....smiles, Terry
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