My head is empty
With distraction I can’t see
Thoughts left to wonder
On what may or may not be
Places I thought existed
In my cluttered head
While twisted words all fall apart
Into the chasms of my heart
There they fall, there they rest
And gently burn, beneath my flesh
Awaiting freedom from the pain
Given to my sorry name
Yet peace is like the wind
Blowing on the ash
Stirring flames from before
But not forgotten in the past
So I leave this battle
Not wanting to know more
But a soldier’s wounds cannot deter
The presence of a war
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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woah man.... that had depth like crazy.. and really awesomeness... especially the last lines.. they were really powerful. I really like the length of this, it was perfect.. and the rhyme and rhythm were good as usual...
not seeing anything funny bout this one..... hmm.. well, its hard to read whats not there
i like it man
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Reading this leaves me with an eerie feeling, almost like something's going to happen that I am unaware of. Well written to make those feelings come out in those that read it. I enjoy your poetry and especially enjoyed this piece.
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hmhmhm... it is great and all that stuff everyone says it is, but i'm not sure on the point... I don't really get it, but i don't get alot of things so...
I think i do get it, but i'm not sure!
Great job!!
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shudders (again)
ok, i had to comment again...this is just so...um...i don't KNOW!!!!!! i can't explain it, but this is AWESOME! i could seriously read this over and over and over again, and get that same feeling every time. i don't know, i'm just weird like that.
i hate this poem so, so much for how it makes me feel...but it's so gripping and emotional and OH GOSH!!! i oculd go on forever about how awesomely horrid this is. i mean, it's beautifully penned and well written, the images are creepy and EXTREMELY disturbing, but they're so real and vivid. and the title??!!!! WOW! i give you and a+ on this one, a thousand times! dude, this was AMAZING! -
woah brian...this is great! your emotion and tension builds up so well, and i can sense something deep and lurking here. ugh. the way that you led into the situation was great, and then the ending...wow! "not wanting to know more"...you have defeated me in the presence of mind and thought. well written and well laid out. this one creeps me out more than any of your other works. it's awesome though.
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nice
i tihnk i know you to well not to laugh at this poem... your thought process is always a little wack... pounding out melodies in the car.... and just a little bit of everything else... good poem... but i read inBEWTEEN the lines.. muhahahaha
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