You took a stake, drove it through my heart
And lay a cursed rose upon my chest
You took the thorns and carved in my soul
‘In peace you’ll never rest’
The blood seeped from my broken heart
To taint that lilly white offender
Leaving it stained to forever remind me
Of the betrayal I’ll always remember
A burning hand, bringing loved ones death
Was what the curse had done
Every touch of mine now poison
Killed love before it had begun
Bloody tears of remorse I can’t comfort,
With every touch I scar and kill
Slowly hating the demon I’ve become
I hate loosing my free will.
So now alone I stand by my grave
Unseen flowers fade away
I chose to hurt the ones I love
But now I choose not to stay
So with that bloodied rose still on my mind
Only shadows hear my last goodbye
I find the escape from this painful curse
is only in my awaiting suicide.
Author notes
let me know what you all think please if you think it flows well and makes sense? if you think it doesnt please mention how it could be improved! thank heaps
~Haunted~
NOTE: edited on 22/01 thanks to RedOnARose for pointing out a bad flow in line 10 & 11. i hope it flows better now thanx!!
A contest entry
- Dark Contest by SensualWhispers.
900 points, ended February 7, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TwIsTeD by Moment Of Clarity.
650 points, ended October 28, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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"You took a stake, drove it through my heart
And lay a cursed rose upon my chest"
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brilliant start, the vocab in this is really good. -
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Absolutely amazing. It's so dark, yet the imagery is fantastic.
My favorite lines:
Bloody tears of remorse I can't comfort. Slowly hating the demon i've become. Is only in my awaiting suicide.
This is beautiful. -
really good.. flows very nicely..
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Excellent poem.
Have you ever heard of where the wild rose grow by nick cave and kylie monague? The song is awesome and this poem reminds me so much of that song. Here I am going to post the lyrics in here because honestly, this would make a better rendition of the song itself. lol Kassie
CHORUS:
They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day
From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one
As she stared in my eyes and smiled
For her lips were the colour of the roses
They grew down the river, all bloody and wild
When he knocked on my door and entered the room
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand
He wiped the tears that ran down my face
CHORUS
On the second day I brought her a flower
She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen
I said, 'Do you know where the wild roses grow
So sweet and scarlet and free?'
On the second day he came with a single rose
Said: 'Will you give me your loss and your sorrow?'
I nodded my head, as I layed on the bed
He said, 'If I show you the roses will you follow?'
CHORUS
On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist
On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, 'All beauty must die'
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth
CHORUS
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You wrote an emotionally intense poem and did it very well you used alot of wonderful describing words very well penned
Bravo
. Rewarded 4
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You took the thorns and carved in my soul
‘In peace you’ll never rest’
god damn thats intense...lol you done so well with this one... i just love it... congrats on silver... you deserved it
. Rewarded 4
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I really like this poem. it definitely makes sense and i can relate to alot of it. good descriptive words to describe your torment. awesome job with this poem. maybe take a look at some of mine sometime. i always like advice on mine.
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exxcellente
I really liked this poem of your except for the last line. it was a little off to me. but the rest of it was realyl realyl well written. i would like to borrow the first verse of it, if you wouldn't mine, of course i woudl not plagerize it but it is soo good. i love this poem. it reminds me of sumthin I would write if i had that kind of talent....keep up the good work.
. Rewarded 4
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Amazing, awesome, fantastic
Wow. I'm sorry, I can't analyse this poem, I just want to say that I really love it. If there's a reward, this comment doesn't deserve it, so I'll send the points back.
. Rewarded 4
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great
very deep i enjoyed it alot -
I loved every line of this piece as its' very touching and just full of positive thoughts and energy. Stunning imagery and the flow to this piece is quite impressive. Lovely write!! Great message in this poem. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery.
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I don't have much to say, just that this is well written, it contains soooo much strength, and powerful emotion... Great job, keep it up...
. Rewarded 4
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wow what a lovely poem. i enjoyed it and thought it was very flowing except lines 10 and 11 of the second phrase. thanks for posting your poem so I can read it
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So with that bloodied rose still on my mind
Only shadows hear my last goodbye
I find the escape from this painful curse
is only in my awaiting suicide.
It is really very touching and very moving as well...It is really a heartfelt work revealing the truth of the heart with so much poetic depth and the depth of the universal behavior of the loveful heart time and time again where the definations of the life is interpretted by the needs of our own wishes and ...welldone ...Indeed a great work is here... -
VERY PASSIONET
YOU WRITE WITH GREAT PASSION. I DID UNDERSTAND YOUR POEM AND CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I RELATE TO IT. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GIFT.
MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU. LIGIA LONG
. Rewarded 4
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Very sad indeed
A burning hand, bringing loved ones death
Was what the curse had done
Every touch of mine now poison
Killed lovers before it had begun
Bloody tears of remorse I can’t comfort,
With every touch I scar and kill
Slowly hating the demon I’ve become
I hate loosing my free will.
This stanza just changed the temp of your whole poem. I was waiting for a different type of turn in your poem, but it came in the middle of it. Which isn't a bad thing. I liked the flow and the tempo, but I wasn't expecting your turning point in the middle. Thanks for the pleasant surprise. Thanks for entering and good luck in the Silver Trophy category.... Kassie -
This is very very sad and dark. Suicide is the cowardly way out of life. So, you should never resort to it. But the poem as a whole is really great. It does make sense, it rhymes and flows and is really good.
I really liked this poem and enjoyed reading it.
Keep on writing and good luck in the contest.
Nooni
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COOOOOOOOOL
This is soooooooo cool. I absulutly love it. It's just awesome. I can't really decribe it in one word. Great great great great job. Good luck in the contest. Keep up the GREAT wonderfull work. -
i see noting wrong with it..and i like the way it flows.
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