oh just the danger of it all
dancing flame lit candle
what poetic passion does
snow white moth possess
to revel in the risk that's
flickering in the night
twin disciples of reflection
moths and poets, such odd
strangers seeking heat
searching for ... drawn into
words or a colored wave
of light —to hiss and burn
against a mirrored wall
A contest entry
- CANDLEMAS by Vera Rich.
300 points, ended February 10, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Enjoyed it
Fooled by the title, but found it still added to the poem. I like how you give a comparison, of moths and poets, it's like, well very much like, Baudelaire's Albatross, he gave the albatross a comparison to a poet as well. I love your use of punctuation, but '...' I am not fond of very much. My favorite lines are;
'twin disciples of reflection
moths and poets, such odd
strangers seeking heat'
its odd to have moth comared to a poet, but the oddity adds to the creativity, good luck in the contest -
good work
This piece reminds me of a story I read in English class. I am unable to remember the title, but it was about a moth who insisted upon frying himself to "have a moment of beauty." The cockroach, Archie, thought he was insane and preferred a full life of boredom. I love the line "twin disciples of reflection." It carries a very profound effect on this write. Great job!
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Wow
This piece draws you in from the first line and keeps you there until the end, like a moth to a flame, if you will excuse the pun.I just have an issue with the second line but I'm not sure why, dancing flame lit candle, doesn't quite sound right to me but I can't quite put my finger on why. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val
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Acknowledgement
Thank you for entering. I regret the delay in starting to process the entries; however, when I was about to open them on Candlemas morning, I discovered that the "system" had listed it as closing on 6 February - 4 days later. So, in case anyone was working to this later deadline, I I let the competition run on. Naturally, I did not look at the page again until this morning - and then I found the closing date had reverted to 2 February as I had originally intended it to be. (I do NOT understand how this happened - however, the finer points of the internet remain a mystery to me).
I am now acknowledging entries, and - in view of the delay, will download them for judging so that I shall not have to look at your page again before I have reached my decision.
So, the period for critiquing other entries will begin as from now, and run until Friday (9 February) mid-day London time.
If you wish to earn bonus points for critiquing, please critique at least three entries by other people. Critiques should be written in good English, avoiding text-speak, should be at least 50 words long, and be MEANINGFUL.
Please note that critiques dated before the competition closed will not, repeat NOT, count towards bonus points.
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Terrific ...
I like your analogy expressed in this poem and feel that you have a most interesting thought pattern for poetry. I see that you are new around here and leave very few clues as to your "real life" existence, which is neither here nor there when it gets down to the nitty gritty! I hope that you will continue to be involved with sharing and I shall add you to my ever increasing favorites list and hope that I can still my own mind to keep writing. Very nice work and good luck in the contest. joy
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I like the connection between poets and moths, .. I've always seen something very similar in the way they dance around a flame..
but what I like the most about this is the last stanza, and the last two lines in particular.
they create a powerful if not ..rather futile message
thank you for your comments on mine, I'm not professional, but I am also an artist ..so layout is quite important to me most of the time, and to have it commented on.. was a treat..
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Great how you have taken these two unlike items - moth and poem, and brought them together in these lines - liked the flow, and the way you brought this together. Very unique.
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this was awsome..
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