Think of the things you know
Flying threw the clouds, like nothings going wrong.
For there are things to see.
So open your heart and, think of the ones you know.
Think and trust your heart and open your eyes, so open your heart.
The things you know, the things you see
So open your mind, and think of all the posibitiles.
So think of the things you unfold, open your heart.
Let it go! Uncover the things you know.
Open your heart!!!!!!
Feel the wind on your face. The things you have dreamed, will come alive, and you will see, you will know, so open your heart.
Open your heart, and the things you find. So open your heart, let all out! You been keeping it inside too long. Unfold the dreams you see. And open your mind, the love you know. No holding back.
In your heart, in your soul, in your mind. Open your heart.
A contest entry
- Anything and everything! Prewrites allowed by lucy sky-diamond.
1100 points, ended February 6, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Contest! (Show me your stuff) by BloodCrusted.
600 points, ended April 18, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round One: Prewrites Only by katiethepirate.
330 points, ended July 23, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
This is best viewed as lyrics for a song, turning your word choice from gratuitously repetitive to appropriately emotional. The overall impression of the work here is defined as cliche. Instead of working yourself away from that you seem to have ignored this dangerous reality. Be careful that you do not rely on society's overused imagery instead of your own.
Other than "flying through the clouds" and "Feel the wind on your face" you lack concrete detail. Pair this with the lack of deeper motive within your poems content and you've got a rather uninspiring poem that comes across as forced. You have the chance to bring the reader into a physical moment and connect that concrete moment with the larger message of your poem, however abstract.
There is a lot of potential with this poem, but I dare not be hasty and say that it fulfills that potential.
You have a lot of work to do if you wish this to be a poem. But as I mentioned earlier, lyrically this could be quite a song.
I'm interested to know, do you play some sort of instrument? Putting this to music might be worth the effort...
Blessings,
C
-
STUNNING WRITING. OPEN YOUR HEART AND MIND AND THE POSSIBILITIES WILL BE ENDLESS. WONDERFUL WRITING HERE. FULL OF INSPIRATION. WELL DONE.
ALL THE BEST
WAYNE
-
If only it were so easy to just oil the gates and open the locks.
But sometimes the hinges are rusted and the bolt is in ruin.
-
I love this, it feels new. I was always surprised by the way it was written. Very good, thanks for entering and good luck!
-
I love the overall rhythem of this piece and your word choice makes it all the better. The message is one I believe more should hear. Our world would be just a bit better if others thought like this. Nice job!
-
Nice write.
Thanks for the entry in my contest!
-System of Cyanide
-
I like the passions of your poem to oopen your heart. A whole range of possibilities to explore. You also have a typo in line 2 "Flying threw the clouds should be flying through the clouds."
-
The lines got kind of long at the end, not sure if this was for lack of space, or just because, but thought the poem kind of lost something there in appearance and form. Sentiments well expressed in the poem - easy to read and understand.
-
Very Good!
This is a very good poem! This is very inspiring and... well... I don't really know what to say. I think this is one of the best that I have read though. I have friends that write along the same lines. You should check them out, my writing teacher says that some of the best inspiration comes from reading great things. I now have about 10 new poems that I will be posting because of this. You should really keep up the good work.
-
I enjoyed this poem.
Very good
You did have a couple of spelling mistakes but thats ok. Have a friend read it and tell you about that.
Love
your daughter
Memory
Tela*
-
good
i like this a lot and i will poem my heart but the hard part about it is that i havent open it in a while. but anyways
-godbless.
-
This is great, terrific emotional imagery and wonderful flow. I love it! All the commas drove me nuts. This is too good for them. I changed the structure to make is easy to read without them what do you think? Amera.
Think of the things you know
Flying threw the clouds,
like nothings going wrong.
For there are things to see.
So open your heart
and think of the
ones you know.
Think and trust your heart
and open your eyes
so open your heart.
The things you know
the things you see
So open your mind
and think of
all the possibilities.
So think of the things
you unfold
open your heart.
Let it go!
Uncover the things
you know.
Open your heart!!!!!!
Feel the wind on your face.
The things you have dreamed
will come alive
and you will see
you will know
so open your heart.
Open your heart,
and the things you find.
So open your heart
let all out!
You been keeping it
inside too long.
Unfold the dreams
you see.
And open your mind
the love you know.
No holding back.
In your heart,
in your soul,
in your mind.
Open your heart.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
