When clouds in white, traverse too slow
To the land and sky, we make our bow
My angel and me, in a state of trance
To the heavenly tune, we begin our dance;
The earth thus spares, a stage to share
While celestial guests pause a glance
From ethereal heights of blue sky's square.
From a distant hill, we hear the lyre,
Voice of waves from the seas o' sapphire;
Buds and blossoms hit the piano's keys
A gentle hiss from the moving breeze,
With joy, we move and swing and sway
Our hands and feet in utmost ease
While silent orchestras gently play..
~ raspberry
In a list
A contest entry
- Open or Close Line by Legend.
1200 points, ended February 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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SPECTACULAR!!
This is an SPECTACULAR peice of writting! The picture is so very beautiful!
you have the unique ability to put the reader fight there in the moment
with you. so very beautifully done! I love every single linein this poem
your words flow as smooth as silk. My favorite lines are: My angel and
me in a state of trance. So very profound this line is! from a distant hill,
we hear the lyer! so powerful this line! Buds and blossoms hit the piano
keys. So very SPECTACULAR!! Thank You for a fine peice of writting!
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that is one really good poem
i liked how it ended in an elipse
that was really great -
Wow
This is an amazing poem. It has so much feeling...it's kinda like the reader is there in the moment! -
Wow
This is an amazing poem. IT has so much feeling kinda like your there in the moment! -
A rich textured poem of unusual form in septets
Aairiness with the feel of the Romantic period although the subject matter is more pleasant.
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A graceful flow that bathes the reader is lilting tones of peace and bliss! A fine entry and a finer display of heart.
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Thankyou
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Beautiful work. Such a delightful read. Wonderful imagery and great flow. Well done!
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Perfect
Just beautiful. With the words singing to the reader I am sure an admirable entry into the contest. But what raspberry poem would not be worthy?
Jim
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Very nicely written; some good imagery, also.
I really liked:
"The earth thus spares, a stage to share
While celestial guests pause a glance
From ethereal heights of blue sky's square."
Best of luck. -
Gorgeous! This piece resonates beauty and grace! Your lines are striking in the ease with which they flow. Excellent work!
~Lori
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Achingly Beautiful
This is a very nice piece...Starkly different from what I normally read, but a nice contrast all the while...I absolutely love it. I wish you the best in the contest. Ciao lovely. -
Achingly Beautiful
This is a very nice piece...Starkly different from what I normally read, but a nice contrast all the while...I absolutely love it. I wish you the best in the contest. Ciao lovely.
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A gentle hiss from the moving breeze,
With joy, we move and swing and sway
fantastic write well done and i iwshyou well in the contest
cheers
Jen -
Loved it!
As always-- you have penned this with such divine grace and beauty and in a very delicate, and sweet style. Truly beautiful. Well done and good luck with this very charming entry.I absolutely love it.
Shaz xx
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Ahhhh So Beautiful
A beautiful and truly romantic and delightful verse to read and enjoy. Best of luck in this contest. ~Pam
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This has such a lyrical quality. Beautifully written and rhymed. Your imagery captured the line perfectly. ~ Sue
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beautiful
I needed to read this today....
Of course, you chose my favorite line...a beautiful one!
Coming here with a sad mood, reading your poem was uplifting and serene...
Love it!
As always, your rhyme and flow is flawless....
Lovely entry!
Lynda
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a truly enchanting poem, dear archana ...
it not only incorporates the suggested line of inspiration perfectly, but also compliments the wonderful image in a very delicate and masterful way ... the whole poem creates a very ethereal mood and a peaceful atmosphere, where I enjoyed letting my soal soar ...
I wish you all the best in this contest,
marion
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raspberry what a musical piece you have provided for your readers, I like very much the rhyme pattern you have incorporated in this poem.As ever you produce vivid images with your words Good luck in the contest
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Hi.. Thanks Legend for your ever cheering comment. Somehow, I had a feel that its too short.. is it ? Anyways.. I have an stanza ready to add up.. Kindly let me know.. how good it sounds to end here.. does it seem abrupt ?
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raspberry I have always believed that a poem says when it is finished.If one feels that it is not long enough, or to long then it probable is.
If you have written more then you must think it requires more to be said.
In truth i do not know if it needs adding to.Only you know the answer to that.
I do not feel it ends abrupt
,Have you said all you wanted to? if not add more
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