glitz and glamour
reign supreme in these hills
and even though
the rest of the world is
sleeping dreaming snoring
even hibernating through terror-ridden daymares
these hills are lit with
neon chemicals
radioactive sunglasses
powdery alertness and
the fabricated fluorescent flashes
of unilluminated ideas
while the real world
falls into rainbow-smothered slumber,
i sit awake on a street corner
staring into the neon
watching shells of people
stumbling falling tripping
gripping [slippingfrom] reality with hands sweaty with lies
and sketch the
death
so discernably conspicuous
so deeply fundamental to their
skewed lifestyles
i sit and sketch
the nonreality of
reality;
the truth of
false advertising
A contest entry
- Cityscape - Los Angeles by Highwaytraveller.
375 points, ended September 3, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
hmm.like your use of words and the imagery very uch....
especially the last stanza...this is a wonderful poem, just what i was lokking for
thank you for the entry -
This is awesome, I love it. It sounds like its about Hollywood or LA. It is so descriptive and I think you captured the essence of life there very well. Excellent read.
-
I like this poem!! It is so true!! Keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!! Jess
-
Promise...sing
The final stanza is/could be a standalone and as such deserves one hand clapping
Individual approach and interesting alliteration contribute to offer a canvas 'pregnant with celestial fire' but the absence of punctuation detracts from accessibility at times
Hoping that you are not too shell-shocked and that this is construed as constructive criticism ...
. Rewarded 8
-
Very good...A person who sees the truth for once...I'd have to ask you though. When people say "Seeing is believing." are you bound by that rule? When you see these people and the reality of lies that they live in...Do you believe it? In other words, Do you believe the "reality" that you see?
. Rewarded 6
-
It does sound like Beverly hills, I guess that's what you were referring to when you say hills. i love the first stanza because it is so deep and very true. This is an excellent poem on society today. Thanks for sharing
. Rewarded 4
-
Sounds like California. LOL. But seriously, there is a really nice intensity in this piece from the first line to the last, though I'm not necessarily one to get riled up by pieces that are socially reflective. However, despite that, I can't deny that you were unapologetic with your words, your form and your style, and laid it out there with honesty. Loved the line "sketch the death". That's the one that caught my eye the hardest in this piece.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
