In the beginning there was darkness.
Darkness was acceptable because there were as yet no eyes.
No eyes, no body.
Life and darkness.
Life and darkness. Life and darkness and stillness.
All of this was acceptable.
This is all that was known.
Then, little by little
change began.
There was darkness and movement.
Not much movement
because there was not much to move.
There were flutters and quivers
and, after a while,
a pulsing sort of movement.
Sort of a regular beating.
There would never be total stillness again.
After that - softly at first -
there was sound.
The beating could be heard!
Darkness and movement and hearing.
All was well.
Feeling!
Now there was something.
Warmth felt, vibrations, a pleasing pressure.
Total contentment, holding secure.
This was a good place !
(INSERT ALTERNATE ENDING HERE)
After a while the world seemed smaller.
There was less room to move.
The comforting darkness was still there
but the world seemed determined
to expel the life.
This was acceptable.
The life was eager to see what else lives.
In the fullness of time
exodus began.
The pressure increased and was not pleasant.
Then everything changed.
The comforting darkness was gone.
Everything moved.
Life sprang forth.
And as loving arms held life securely
and love and tears and laughter
washed over him in waves.
Life's cycle continued.
ALTERNATE ENDING
The atmosphere turns hostile…
unborn skin burns.
PAIN
Another vibration is detected.
PAIN! BETRAYAL!
He who would have been has no additional thought.
He, "it" now, is sucked from his home
piece by dismembered piece.
The pieces are sealed securely
in a disposable bag and tossed casually
into a container
with other disposable bags.
The container will be emptied
in the refuse holder out back.
She who would have been "Mommy"
will go home.
She will cry.
The tears will be tears of sadness and grief
or tears of relief and grief
depending on her heart.
But the little lost life
will never know.
It has been extinguished.
Author notes
This is long and a little effort has to be made to go back and put in the alternate ending. Please take the time. It is not judgmental. It just tells how things probably are. You agreeing with my interpretation is not required. Thanks for reading.
PLEASE HELP ME WITH CHOOSING AN OPTION. THIS IS NEITHER PRO-CHOICE NOR PRO-LIFE.
A contest entry
- come to me.... by crystallynnbradford.
300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Think by Carve In Technetium.
470 points, ended September 21, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abortion--Pro-choice by twilight seduction.
450 points, ended November 10, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Well said. The tracking from the beginning seems to predate the Genesis account. This grounds the poem giving a sense of proof. The slow build-up is fantastic.
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Hey, i loved the second ending. purely because its just pure and honest. you tell it like it is. I agree with allena, when she says not one who has had an abortion is going to want to relate to it, but i think they might. You know when you have an abortion what your doing (or at least you should) and i like the way you have no chosen a side, but rather just presented the facts.
Another note, i loved the way the poem starts, there is this rhythm that kind of gets faster or more pressing towards the middle and slows down again towards the end. actually i think you managed to do that in both endings. but i love it. well done.
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I don’t know what I think about this. It’s a little too “true-to-life”. No one who has had an abortion is going to want to relate to this. Stark. Brutal.
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This was intense! I was getting anxious, reading faster and faster as the poem progressed. Very good, Linda, very good.
-Clay
. Rewarded 4
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Escellent write, an intersesting take on the begining of life, or at least thats what I got from it. I enjoyed the imagery in this peice and the flow. This was well written and well thought out, again great write.
. Rewarded 4
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I think this poem speaks well to both pro-life and pro-choice. The first part felt like it had a relgious undertone to it, if only because of the lines "in the beginning there was darkness" and the mention of exodus....I have no idea if that was your intention, but I think it adds to the piece because the idea of pro-life is usually often intertwined with God.
The second, more pro-choice, section is sort of disturbing in a really artistic way. The way you described it was, as I said, disturbing, but also is the harsh reality of what really happens.
Whatever your thoughts on the topic, the poem did both sides justice, and I thought it was beautifully done!
Cheers!
S -
omg........ The alternate ending.... Its wonderful... (of corse I am biased and totally agree with it lol) but that doesn't matter.
The way the the alternate ending was written was great how it flowed with the beginning.... while the other ending confused the crap out of me..... but I am naturaly blonde so thats probably why.....
Well thats just what I think....
~Lumin. -
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I’m going to say this knowing it couldn’t be what confused you: The original ending was the baby growing and being born. The alternate ending was a what the baby felt during his abortion. Thank you for reading it.
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Hmmm....sorry it has taken so long to get around to this....I would honestly say this falls under Pro-life, purely from the emotional tones I get, but the ending does make it slightly, but not very ambiguous. Definitely pro-life, this poem.
Hmmm...I never said I would agree with all the entires, that was the point of the contest.
Side note about abortion: Still hasn't been proven that early fetuses feel pain. In the second trimester, 6th month, they are about 50/50 about whether or not it does. The first trimester, almsot certainly not. I assume that the baby in one of your alternate endings was very late, second trimester for the abortion?
You misspelled 'betraial,' it should be 'betrayal.' -
this was very interesting..a bit a harsh reality going on in it, but honesty can be as cruel as lies...anyways, I thought that this piece was really well put together and really thought out.
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