Drowning in sensation,
chocolate eyes of deepest velvet
chain soul to irresistible soul...
Kisses run like molten ~golden~ honey,
dripping thick and slow from
lips to aching flesh...
Skin burns, fingertip flames trace
icy fire-trails of destruction ~seduction~
towards trembling desire...
Passion feasts slowly on deepest secrets,
desperate longing soothed ~savored~
by strawberry sweet lips..
Final sweet surrender ~submission~
bound by love, in an eternity
of pleasure...
just breathe...
hold on tight...
Author notes
daydreambeliever
A contest entry
- Quickie Drive Me Wild by WillAlwaysLove.
700 points, ended September 4, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favourite Poem (for prewrites only) by nothinghere.
450 points, ended September 8, 2007, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me go "ooh!!"...(Adults Only)-Prewrites Welcome! by Daizy21.
450 points, ended October 13, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 69 by Ravenblood.
300 points, ended November 18, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pulsing Stimulation by Adsaige.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be Intimate Or Be Wild by Sols.
600 points, ended November 25, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's sexytime (Erotic Writes) Now accepting PREWRITES!! by xXPoetic GoddessXx.
475 points, ended November 25, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Bed with you .....................over 18 please by Abe 1.
430 points, ended February 3, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me throw my head back and.....(ADULTS ONLY) by Paloszoo.
525 points, ended October 7, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is just lovely! Your words are well chosen, making for an exquisite piece! Thanks for entering my contest. I’m honored that you would show your work here. Keep up the great writing!
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Stunning
Hello there; thanks for sharing this stunning poem. It sends warm feelings through me.
Very passionate, very sensual, very nice.
I also like the layout with the tercet stanzas and the elipsissesat the end of each stanza.
Nicely done,
BJ.
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...Wow
Just, wow. This is truly passionate, and was a joy to read! Good job!
So beautiful.
~ Kit -
got 2 say u have blown passion all de way in this poem u ave built it up so well
luv it
thanx 4 yr entry and gd luck
abe -
... Wow. Honestly, I'm sitting here gaping, this was so amazing. I'm used to getting a few lines into something labled erotica and being so disgusted because it's not written well, and is more like porn poetry. Here, you have a poem that perfectly describes, and recalls to memory the completion of the SOUL during that breathless act. Great job, I loved it!
. Rewarded 6
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Thanks for entering
&& Best of luck
I love the imagery
And the flow was nicely done -
Judged
Beautiful, darling, This is gorgeous! I absolutely love your imagery, the softness of this piece captivates me. Good luck in the contest! -
Well... I like the imagery and the interesting word choice. You're a very sexy erotic writer. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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This is a very interisting write,thank you for entering and good luck!
-
och,
i always forget to breathe... and if i dinna, well, then there is something wrong. mind ye , there is no thing wrong wi' this peice as it whispers words of sweet passion into the air and lets them carry into the heart... makeing one yearn. so touchable is this work... i simply want to breathe the fragerance of love and passion in.
arden -
This is a beautiful piece, we often forget to breathe in love and get suffocated by it... wonderful job
Thank you for taking the time to enter your favourite prewrite in this contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Karen -
Great write, thank you for entering, good luck!
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I am not usually a fan of adding words in brackets to a piece, however, it works really well here, like the feelings of pleasure is interrupting the train of thought and the rising sensations are making it hard to concentrate.
Good write.
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[Why]
[Why] the [Dreadful] square [brackets] this is a soft and lugubrious poem, why put nasty sharp corners in it?
That and too sickly sweet for me.
Apart from the obvious failing of no rhyme -
sensual and sweet
I liked the descriptive language you used- very foody and earthy, great images, you inspired thoughts of pleasure, taste and scents with this, all those senses that pop when love gets hold. I like the sentiment of chill and enjoy those heady first days when love feeds you most-sexy write.
. Rewarded 6
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What a ride
Baby hold on. Well I can dream can't I?
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i liked it the way you wrote it
seductive
and filled with alot of images
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Wow.
This was very very short and sweet and savory. Loved it. I like the word choice and the way you formated some those lines, it worked out perfect in my head as I read it. Seductive poem. Whew! Made me think of my fiancee. =]
. Rewarded 4
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Passion feasts [slowly] on deepest secrets,
desperate longing soothed [savored]
Fantastic write! I like the smooth flow of scene interrupted by the bracketed thoughts. It all works together to make a very effectively sensual piece.
Gorgeous!
. Rewarded 4
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Very deep and intense.
My first impression is this is a very strong poem with intense feelings. Emotionally I could feel the seduction done in a gentle and exqusite way. For me this is a little awkward, if you left out the words encased in brackets it would convey everything just as beautifully but would be easier to read. My favorite part is the last verse. Every thing else is enjoyable to read as well. The title "Just Breath" is perfect. The first line really sets up the tone of this poem very well, and the last line sums it all up in just the right way. I liked this very much, it was a surprise to me. For it was done in such good taste, no pun intended.
. Rewarded 8
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