Ivory pearls and carmine roses,
bespeaks heart's craving, thee imposes
ceaseless eyes mimicking heaven's sighs,
adoration begets no disguise
thy soul's scintillating starlit songs,
my stolen psyche, to thee, belongs
reclining on these Mexican beaches,
those lips campaign~soul's yearning reaches
inducements of passions' persuasions,
our hearts calculated equations
undulating waves of lustful shores,
perpetual satiation soars
overhead, Chocolate Milky Way,
pleasurable journey, as thoughts stray
recumbent here, ~she~ far out of sight,
dreaming of that ~ impossible night
bedecking thee with roses and pearls,
hearts' coalescence of moonlight swirls
as sea consumes sun's rainbows of fire,
each thought of thee makes me perspire
both our lives built upon shifting sands.
entertaining laying on of hands
soul needs to know thy warmth next to me,
next time relaxing ~ beside this sea.
Ivory pearls and carmine roses,
such for thee, which my heart proposes
Author notes
a long day and two nights, next to the Sea of Cortez, expressing my sun burnt thoughts of love to my thees and thous.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Speechless as a person can be. this is wonderful! i can tell you love this person very much. great job!
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Arizona huh? So am I
thks
Len
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wowowowowowowowowowowBRAVO!
wow. I'm speechless.... this is the epitome of romance,
and the rhyming couplets....purrfect
your diction is electrifying!!!
carmine, scintillating, coalescence, moonlight swirls, ..... exquisite. !
thanks for showing me
you get a standing ovation from me, and I don't give those out, ever
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I was immediately pulled in by the title. I was born by the sea and have a strong passion ... (shall we tell the truth and say obsession) for it. This was in no way an exception from all you other poetry... a flawless work of art. You take me by surprise time and again and I admire you so much. Well done. My only suggestion is not even about the poem, but I do believe there is a better picture out there to compliment your piece.
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Wow.....
I am impressed Len!!!
I love the wording of this, and the lucid images.
I could see everything you were seeing and feel everything you were feeling!
Beautiful poetry! -
very eloquent write indeed. I always love the thee's and thou's My favorite of all kinds of writting. great poem!
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wow!
I'm really loving your ability to rhyme. Typically, I find that rhyme schemes are constraining and hinder many lesser poets.... but you have mastered rhythm and rhyme to the point that it seems quite effortless.
You create such lovely imagery with every line.
I am happily surprised to find such upbeat poems in your collection (since you were so attracted to my much darker pieces).
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You....
and your hopelessly romantic heart....
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This is passionate poetry...and can be taken in a few directions as all good writes allow. Very soft...these couplets of wistful language imbued with
a sense of gazing out to sea. Thanks for sharing.
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Ah yes..Dreaming of carmine roses and the beautiful beaches..Very beautiful imagery..
Lovely poetry..
Peace
~A~
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I think this poem is my favorite of all...
this is breathtaking, Lenny. It truly, truly
is...Love, Lane
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Smiling and thinking about how long I've know you and how your poetry has evolved and how you are such a romantic now.
Hugs to you, JohnnyD! 
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really? "When" wasn't I a romantic?? 40 years at least, at least
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Yes...much stronger. The couplets build in strength as the poem progresses; the final lines memorable.
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Just as good but a little sweeter without the middle english.
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Quite contrary to whatever you might believe - I adored this. It has a melody that lilts beautifully. Managed to get past this cotton-wool-head I have (tail end of flu) so that's gotta be good
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Oh my! This is wonderful sweety! You went to Mexico? I feel so out of the loop! I'm pretty absorbed and single minded right now. Of course you know why, coming up on the 19th. I've barely been on the site! Hell, I've hardly been coming up for air! lol! So it looks like I'm in the dark about major events in your life! I wish I could spend a couple hours in a good long gab, well not too much longer, and I'm gonna see light at the end of the tunnel I think. Stand by for the avalanche you'll have to field! This piece is so scrumptious! I am a cocktail made up of two parts delight for you and one part envy for her! A couple of syntax issues w/ thee's thou's and thy's. A line breakdone and a little guideline are below. In the meantime I just want to say...it brings contentment and satisfaction deep in my heart to see your soul singing like this my darling!
L2
bespeaks heart's craving, thou imposes
should be:
bespeaks heart's craving, thee imposes
thou should be thee.
think of "thou art" it's equivalent to "you are" so you wouldn't say "you imposes" you'd say "you impose" or "thee imposes" which is almost like the pronoun "she" but is also used to adress directly. so you'd say "you impose" or "she imposes" which translates to
"thou impose" or "thee imposes"
L5
thou soul's scintillating starlit songs,
should be
thy soul's scintillating starlit songs,
thou should be thy
thou is like you
thy is like your
so you wouldn't say "you soul" but "your soul"
L17
bedecking thou with roses and pearls,
should be
bedecking thee with roses and pearls,
thou should be thee
here's where it get's tricky...thou is like you, when it's a noun like "You are" but when in modern language we also use you as a pronoun, that's where the change up happens, and the grammatical rules aren't directly interchangeable. So because it has a verb modifier (bedecking) the correct syntax here is like "bedecking her" even though it's a direct adress it should be "bedecking thee"
L20
each thought of thou makes me perspire
shoul be
each thought of thee makes me perspire
thou should be thee
"each thought of thee" same reason (verb modifier is thought of)
Here's the trick, where "you" and "her" or "she" could be interchanged in a sentence "bedecking her" bedecking you" "thoughts of her" "thoughts of you" then you use "thee" When "you" and "her" or "she" are not interchangeable as in "You are" (you can't say "her are") then you use "thou"
L23
soul needs to know thou warmth next to me,
should be
soul needs to know thy warmth next to me,
thou should be thy
as in "your warmth" using thou in this instance is like saying "you warmth"
I hope that's not too confusing and is helpful!
xxoo
dk
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I was reading many of your poems, not over giving you a comment but this time I can't resist to send you my applauses. This poem has a lot of all poetical possibilities, good flowing couplets, good rhyme, nice poetical expression.
~Sonja~
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Ivory pearls and carmine roses,
such for thee, which my heart proposes
True poetry is emerged...
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a smile you brought forth with this one. Love the idea of Mexican beaches, pearls and carmine roses....and thoughts that are just allowed to enter the mind and languish on sands of memories and wishes. Wishing you the most wonderful time,
zzzzzz
reenie
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This was simply amazing! I am going to bookmark this. I think this is my favorite of any poem I have read of yours. It's beautiful daddy
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Brilliant
You vividly captured the obvious lovely time you had in Mexico I've never been there but heard from friend that is very beautiful.
Additionally, [as a mathematician myself] you captured my passion by including [mathematical] term in a lovely way.
"inducements of passions' persuasions,
our hearts [calculated equations]"
"~Beside the Sea~" metaphoric use of a tilde (~) in addition to the following;
"soul needs to know thou warmth next to me,next time reclining ~ beside this sea."
The repetition on the first and last stanza really brings this piece home making it a masterful write;
"Ivory pearls and carmine roses,
such for thee, which my heart proposes"
I love this piece: Elegant expressions and lovely word throughout!
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Absolutely gorgeous!!! I can see that your vacation left you with some beautiful thoughts..Nothing like sitting on the beach thinking of the one you love...A most remarkable piece my friend...Loved it.
Dusty
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That is a big word you used, scintillating, to big for my little brain.You are so lucky what I'd do to go to mexico right now, sounds beautiful. This is beautiful reminds me just how much I missed you. Hugs. The last and first line, being the same they were powerful enough to use it twice some people use it twice and it's not enough but this was just right, now I feel like goldy locks with all the crazy talk.
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This is lovely and I can see by the content that you enjoyed Mexico. The use of the tilde confused me because in mathematics. a tilde ( ~ ) indicates equivalency or similarity between two values, in logic a similar symbol indicating negation. So do you mean to negate or show simularity where you use it?
Love,
Amera♥
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O" my this is just the most wonderful poem!...Chocolate Milky WAY...you have painted a master piece with you pen my brother and Im so thrilled I got to be the first to read...Missed you
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