Another day rolls by
Here I am at 22
A high school dropout
Because my brain couldn't handle the stress
I still live at home with my mom and younger sister
They're so sweet
And I'm lucky my mom's a parent who won't kick her child out
We have to move in with my grandparents
'Cause we can't afford to pay the rent
Boy that'll be a hoot
Woke up again screaming
Another nightmare
I can't remember when I've ever felt rested after sleep
Yay it's another PMS day
Go to my doctor 'cause I know I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder with Pospartum Depression
But she doesn't believe me
So she tells me to do yoga and get a boyfriend
Yeah like that'll fix me
Even though I'm a virgin
I have to lie and say I'm thinking about having sex
Just so the stupid woman will give me birth control for this damned PMDD
Tell her I've been down
And the dumb bitch changes my antidepressant
It makes me feel a lot worse
So I stop taking it
And I end up back on the same medicine I began with
Boy that was fun
Got a fucking sinus infection
Take a five day course of antibiotics
But this stubborn bitch won't go away
Feel on fire from my fever
Should go back to the doctor if I ever got up during the day
Yes right now I'm nocturnal
Discovered I've been walking through life blindly
Don't know the next step to take
I've never been more lost, scared, and confused
And all I want is for someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay
But no one can do that
'Cause they can't predict the future
Nor can I
And I know things will end up okay
But sometimes I just lose all hope and faith
And I'd probably give up completely if I didn't believe that there's a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel
Author notes
A few day's in the life of me, so I don't know if some of this will make sense to anyone other then me. Can't believe I wrote this over a year ago and it took me this long to post it. Since writing this my mom, my younger sister and I have been living with my grandparents for over a year now. Comments are always welcomed and appreciated, but I don't know how good I'll be at returning the favor right now. My grandma has terminal cancer and that keeps me pretty occupied and busy. For more on that read my authors page. It's okay if you point out a spelling or grammer error, but other then that no critical comments please. Thank you. Peace and love and hopefully next time it won't take me over a year to post new ones.
What did you think
Comments
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Pain
To be able to express ourpain in words is, I think, a plus. My thoughts are that you are young & things can work out. Never give up my friend. I have been there & I wish I could have a do over. But I can hope for you
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I'm hanging in ther strong and not giving up. Thank you for the comment.
~Amanda~
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excellent~
I have those dark days too...more dark often than light..
And indeed if there wasn't light at the end of the tunnel or a glimmer of hope..I would of given up long ago..but with friends...caring Dr's,Nurses,Prayer and the Power of God I am not giving up without a fight..
I will fight this bone cancer of the spine with all my might...
Excellent
Hang in there...there are surely better days ahead for us...
Hugs
Susan~~~
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I know there are better day's ahead. My grandma just died from lung cancer on Oct. 20 that metastasized to her brain, and I'm suprised at how well I'm hanging in there. My prayers are with you and I hope you continue to beat your cancer with all you have.
Love & hugs,
~Amanda~
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Hi Amanda...this is suzy from kung fu (the other amanda's mome!)...anyway, I have moved to Florida and haven't really been on Allpoetry, but happened to get on and read your new posting...I am sorry that you are suffering so much these days; I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. You always struck me as such a sensitive kind person and I reallly hope your life's burdens ease up on your fragile soul.
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Well life's really hard at the moment, but I'm holding up really well. My grandma Lee, my mom's mom, don't remember if you knew her, was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that's metastasized to her brain. I'm really glad my mom, my younger sister Sam, and I moved in when we did to help take care of her. We are also getting help through her healthcare. Nurses, doctors, and home health aids come several times a week to check on her and help care for her, so I'm grateful for that. Her younger siter Marilyn even came out from Boston for two weeks to help care for her. We're all holding up amazingly well, and I see good things happening for us in the future. So I think I've told everything I can think of. How are things with you and Amanda? Good to hear from you, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to be on Allpoetry a lot or not.
Much love,
~Amanda~
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