She was called Ugly Suzie by school mates she knew.
She believed them, of course; she saw it was true.
Still her greeting was friendly; she hid all the pains
While she aced all her classes; she knew she had brains.
Then she worked out a plan that she viewed with delight
When she took inventory of the things that were right.
What to do with the west eye that oft eastward went?
And her snaggle-tooth smile did not compliment.
If a surgeon repaired that odd straying eye
And her Cyrano look to a tip tilted sigh,
And a dentist could brace the snaggled tooth straight,
She'd get even with all of the fools she did hate.
It was no sooner thought of than no sooner done
With the changes she made, it was now time for fun.
Then she bought all new frocks, changed the shape in her bra.
She was diligent with all of her time at the spa.
You can laugh all you want to, she's beauty by far,
And the last laugh is hers; she's a big movie star.
A contest entry
- Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 40/100
Concrete Images: 40/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion 75/100
Originality: 95/100
Meter: 95/100
This was cute. I enjoyed it. -
I like this poem, the only problem I had is that she had to change herself surgically. Which is no fault of your own, I think you captured the truth of today beautifully. Its hard to get along in this world as it is, being deemed unattractive makes it even more difficult. I love the flow and imagery! Beautifully done!
Adding your comment:
