It runs over my face and lightens my heart
So slow, so calm, my lips start to part
Waiting in patience for this miracle at work
I look to the sky and give a slight smirk
Scents of the wild flutter past my nose
I grip the cold earth with my bare toes
I clench my fists and my breathing increases
The clouds start to part, left in floating pieces
Warming my life, my body and soul
Slipping past darkness as black as coal
There’s nothing as pure as the light shining down
Watching the sunrise, how could you frown?
It sinks into me and lifts my mood
Nothing unpleasant, never rude
Waking up at dawn to open my eyes
Holding my breath at this special surprise
Author notes
It's something amazing that I never get tired of watching.
A beautiful sunrise.
A contest entry
- Be ready for real CRITICISM........ by algoressister.
500 points, ended November 11, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Like? Dislike? Reasons?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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nice
I think I'll go to bed now so I can get up early enough.
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SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
I also love to get up early and take a walk and watch the sunrise.
I feel watching a sunrise is seeing nature in all of her glory. This is a very beautiful write.
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Thanks! :->
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This is a truly eloquent and utterly superb poem.All I can say is well done!
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Thank you.
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Hi,
When I read, I have learned (as everybody does, without being aware of it) to use the punctuation, as a map to meaning....For whatever reason, a lot of poets have started to minimize the punctuation.....Without the punctuation, I end up reading the same line, several times, in the attempt to find the right combination.....After a while, I just give up, and move on, to something that doesn’t make me do all the work..........sooooo....get off your lazy butt, and punctuate......you are doing your good work, a dis service.......It is much harder to be clear, without punctuation. Writing without it, requires much more work, than it would be, to bite the bullet, and punctuate......
Now we can talk about forced rhyme.....It makes the flow choppy and the thought awkward......
I hear what you are saying about the sun, but I don’t feel anything......It seems to me, that this wonderful way you perceive the sun ,could be said with more interesting words; in a way that I feel it.
It runs over my face and lightens my heart
(you start here with a pronoun, and then you do not define it until the last line of the third stanza......very confusing.....not mysterious)......so define the light..........Poetry is suppose to create an image...hence the word imagery...
”A paced ruby glow breaches the horizon.
It casts its warm spell upon my cheek...
My heart is renewed, again, in its light.”
Use words that illustrate your passion for the sunrise........thank you for braving this submission....TTFN Love Laurel -
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I completely disagree with you. It is one thing to be precise with punctuation, and it is another to have an all out disaster with it. You are the disaster. From what I have read from your very...long comment, I have gathered that you must be the Comma Queen. Talk about choppy! You speak of her writing which consists of minimal punctuation as if it is a terrible thing, whereas I would like to point out that it is her writing, and not yours.
"Writing without it, requires much more work, than it would be, to bite the bullet, and punctuate......"
Might I critique your own style of writing? First of all, you do NOT need that many commas. There are FOUR of them. To be correct, it should be more like "Writing without it requires much more work than it would be to bite the bullet, and punctuate."
There really only requires one. And whats with all the dots? Like every other word you space your statements with dots. Try using a period here and there.
You try to make yourself sound so professional and perfect like you know everything that you are talking about, but it is clear enough to me and probably to others as well that you have a no shit clue as to what you are saying (or in this case writing).
TTFN Bitch.
Stop being such a smart ass, because you're not that smart. Just an ass.
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I appricate the real criticism. This site is too nice on poems.
I'm not one for punctuation though. I think it takes away from the poem.
Poems are lines and stanzas, not sentences and paragraphs with punctuation.
Also, I don't find the rhyming very forced. I think it fits quite nicely.
As for the wording, I'm just a simple person. I like desriptive poems, but I like my way of writing also.
I was not trying to illustrate the sunruse, but what it does for/to me.
I don't find my poem that confusing, and neither has anyone I have had read it.
I am sorry you found it hard to read.
Thank you for the comment and opinion.
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Wow! great description on everything! I absolutly loved it! you'll deffanalty(sorry) win!!
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amazing description Cori!Although in the last stanza first sentence I think you mean It not I.Your rhyming pattern is abslutly amazing.Awesome wording.Good luck in the contest!
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Yeah, thanks for pointing that out!
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yay!!!! *clap clap clap* gooooo cori!!! nice pooem and good luck in the contest!
oh yeah and love the discription yeah
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THANKS!!!!!
:-P
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Wonderfull! I really do like it. The rhyming is so smooth, its almost like you can't notice it. You're so damn good at this! >.<
oh and "Watching the sunrise how could you frown?"
I'd put a comma after sunrise, just how I read it.
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Thanks.
I think I like it your way better,
so Imma change it.
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