Abuse, I have been there
It is never easy to share
Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Sexual abuse I bear
Physical, Mental, and Emotional abuse no longer pay a fare
Those have long ago payed the debt
I have been able the person to settle the account so I no longer fret
Sexual abuse however has a different light
Darkness is the plight
Having taken what my father and I never had
Love and affection were bad
My uncle the tool found
Came after me like a hound
Five years old, he took from me
Something I never again would see
Virginity lost
Me paying a life long cost
Finding out after years
Crying even now, tons of tears
That my family knew
And even worse, that it was going on before the age of five
Noone did a thing to justice pursue
My life taking a constant dive
Nightmares galore
I feel like a whore
Ambivalent feelings
Focus shifting to ceilings
Remembering everything about the room, every detail, every scent
Love, passion, sex has for the rest of my natural life been bent
Pain and hurt for the rest of my life that will never go away
Memories that will always stay
Sometimes feeling as though the pain fades away
But then to my dismay
It all starts over again
I am back in his den
Loving him and hating him all the same
But never taking again the blame
Daily struggling to go on with my life
Trying to put away the strife
Striving to fully heal
Trying to remove his seal
Realizing that my virginity can never be given back to me
In nightmares, continually see
Reliving it all over again
Feeling pleasure and pain which causes thoughts and feelings to wane
Getting turned on because that is what the body does when sex is performed
Disassociation is adorned
Trying to write about what happened
Then when coming back to reality paper is dampened
You see pictures explaining what a five year old or younger went through
Then realize that it was you
That drew those drawings with your own hand
The thoughts and feelings seem to come on demand
On and on I could go
The thoughts and feelings to ebb and flow
Even in great detail the picture I could show
But now, I choose to grow
Helping others to heal with me
So one day we may dance upon the crystal sea
I have learned that what doesn't kill me makes me strong
And that what happened was wrong
But now I have a man and women I love
And we fit together like hand in glove
Author notes
I really wasn't sure what direction to take on this. I write a lot of poetry that I don't share with people on this topic. I used to write and share a lot of my poetry on this topic when I had an active account with Poetry.com, but I have lost of those over the last 2 moves that I have made. Also, over the years I have tried to put my abuses in the past, but have learned that everytime you try to work through the abuses it gets 10 times harder each time you start to work through it and then stop because it hurts too much, or new information comes to light. I was sexually, emotionally, physically, and mentally abused as child. I also see how this carried over into my adult life and my relationships. I have finally found 3 lovers that have helped me to break the cycle of abusive relationships. I have been with 2 of them for a little over a year and one of them for about 2 months now. I love all 3 of them and I thank Goddess and God for them everyday. But as far as what direction to take: A poem, a letter, or to just tell my story is and was a difficult decision each and everytime.
Sorry for being so long winded. I could have wrote more, but didn't want to write a book. If you want to know more in detail of what happened, or just need someone to talk to I am here. I want to help others who have been abused as this helps me on path to healing as well. Just email me and I will be glad to help, or just chat.
Blessed be! Merry Meet! Merry Part! Merry Meet Again!
A contest entry
- Tell me, will the hurting EVER stop? by Water.Damaged.
450 points, ended November 16, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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No more needs to be said.
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this is raw and up front.
the last two lines are so beautiful.
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