November 10th 2007
At 5:25 a.m.
Three weeks ago at this time you died
From lung cancer that metastasized to your brain
The one thing you didn't want to die from was a wasting disease
I can't believe five weeks after you were diagnosed you died
God it was hard watching you get so small
Your wrists were so tiny that I could fit them between my index finger and thumb
You were confined to a bed in diapers
You were so weak you couldn't sit
Couldn't roll over on your own
Everytime you moved the vertigo and nausea crippled you
There was nothing we could do
The tumors were big
And chemo wouldn't save you
You almost never ate or drank
And near the end you consumed nothing
Most of the time I wondered if you even knew who your family and friends were
Who I was
Oh my mom is a hero
She took such good care of you
She was there 24/7
The hospice was good to you too although they weren't there 24/7
I still find it hard to believe that all that's physically left of you is confined to a small box sitting in your room
I still see you every day alive and well
That inddependent spirit you had
I'm sorry that you died of the one thing that you never wanted to die from
For a while I tried to drown my grief in the bottom of cheap white zinfandel stawbery wine
But I was only off track for a very short time
I'm back now
And I'll never be an alcoholic
You can't drown your pain
Thank God I'm back now
I'll never do that again
I find comfort
That you're surrounded in peace, beauty, joy, and love
In heaven
Happy and pain free
You're with your son my uncle Scott now
And your nephew my cousin Paul
And your parents
And all your family and friends who've passed
And surrounded by pets, Brawny, Star, Perriwinkle, and Belle
And all other pets and animals that you loved who loved you
Go now
Be a perfect angel in heaven
Your beauty and love touch the world
You will always live on in your family and friends hearts
Forever living in my heart
I miss you
And I'm sad
But will be better then okay
I'll never forget you
My love
My heart
My soul
I love you
My grandma
My Nina
Dedicated in loving memory to my grandma Lee Evelyn Luck Sherline or as I knew you my 'Nina' 11/30/1932 to 10/20/2007. You live on in my heart and soul. I love you.
Author notes
I told it exactly how it happened in real life in my eyes through this poem. Why I called her Nina is because she thought being called grandma was a sign of indignity and old age and she wanted to me to call her Leela, but as a child I couldn't pronounce it and it came out as Nina and forever stuck. I miss her so much and love her so dear. This poem is dedicated to her independent, stubborn, strong, fun loving, free spirit that the people who knew her knew and loved. I had to use the funny feisty old lady background because she was always funny and feisty.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I loved reading this wonderful tribute of your grandmother who lives yet in your heart and always will. I feel like that about my grandmothers too.
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Thank you so much for your comments.
~Amanda~
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This was really hard for me to read, there were moments when I had to pause and wipe my eyes because not only did it hit a personal nerve to my heart, its also very touching and sadly beautiful.
My Mom is battling cervical cancer and she too has had some of the symptoms your grandma had and I'm so scared of losing her!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss! Please know that from the bottom of my heart you can talk to me whenever you need someone to listen. I too have lost a grandma and your grief is your own but know that you are not alone
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It is extremely hard having her gone. I dream about her almost every night and I can still see how she looked when she was sick. It was heartbreaking. I'm sorry about your mother, I hope from the bottom of my heart that it's a battle she'll win. My prayers will be with her and her loved ones. I'm also here whenever you need me.
~Amanda~
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Good write.... a good tribute. I always liked her a lot. Strong, directional.... talented. And she was pretty good at kung fu!!!! hahaahaa.... hug to ya kid.
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Thank you. She was extremely talented. I have paintings she did, pictures she took, dream catchers she made, and clothes she made. I'll always treasure those.
Love ya,
~Amanda~
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