If only you knew how many years this has taken from me;
I've been awake for 17, yet I've only known two.
It's been so long since those days,
I haven't slept since.
The MRIs, the catscans, the barium,
my whole life has been a test.
The bloodwork, the pills,
I don't even feel the pain anymore.
I don't even feel the pain anymore.
"You won't survive without the surgery."
I wish I took the gamble.
It has taken everything from me,
this disease has taken my life.
Yet I don't feel the pain anymore.
The nights spent in the bathroom,
the hundreds of thousands of bills,
Waking every morning,
knowing it will still be there.
God, I don't even feel the pain anymore.
My childhood was lost in a blur;
or hospitalizations, surgeries,
yet I can't even say I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't know what living is anymore.
A life led on a leash by anemia and dehydration;
creaking joints, failing kidneys.
If I ever told you I don't feel the pain anymore,
I'm lying, the pain is the only thing that tells me I'm still alive.
I pray to God that one day I don't feel it anymore.
Author notes
The most heartfelt poem I've ever written. I didn't even have the strength for imagery. This is just how it is. Maybe someday, somebody will find the cure for me.
I dont care what you think.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Powerful
Strength of will shines here. Refined in a crucible of pain, your voice speaks clearly. You have made an unimaginable journey so far, I thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts and wish you well.
-
wow. very powerful and real. its hard to describe more than what you have said - "this is just how it is" The emotion backing this poem is like no other, its intense. well done. Wish you the best.
-
THis is really heartfelt
WoW1 I really enjoyed reading this as i can relate to it, however i know you are a lot worse of than I.
I understand what its like to be in and out of hospital and unable to join in with other children when they play sports because your too sore or their afraid they'll break you!
This poem is amazing, you are a fantastic writer I love the repitition of "I don't even feel the pain anymore" then you state...
"If I ever told you I don't feel the pain anymore,
I'm lying, the pain is the only thing that tells me I'm still alive."
It shows just how much this has taken over your life and how low you feel
I also pray that someday they'll find the cure, maybe you'll be the one to do it intelligent as you are
Nice write, its a pity you had to go through so much to write sucha heartfelt piece
I wish you all the best
Lisa..xx
-
Fantastic
Wow, I had no idea. And after all how would I? But this is incredible, imagery(led on a leash by anemia and dehydration) and repetition and parralelism all work well together and bring the words off the screen and in to the reader. Powerful stuff. It takes alot to be able to voice such frightening emotions. If theres one thing to be gained from such suffering though, I'd say I'm looking at it. Pain is the soil from which beautiful art spreads its roots. Amazing piece of writing. Sorry I haven't commented in so long, I've been in college and am very busy. Hopefully I'll be around more often.
Connor
-
I'm sure there's a cure for you out there; the problem is finding the right doctor who actually gives a shit. Unfortunately, most doctors don't seem to care.
I'd ask how you've been, but I figure it's kinda obvious; not so good, eh?
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
