You strip me of six senses
until I can only, only feel
the culmination of this,
this new-world-order,
where a supernova is felt
within fast-shuttered-synapses
overloading, exploding connections
to the universe, the need to experience,
satiate this hunger
which must, must be force-fed
by the thrust of spoon
that shape-shifts me,
convinces that God is not,
not holier than thou,
inspiring the urge to to reach
new notes to grasp-gasp,
and forgive me Father
for this cannot be a sin
to feel freedom and nothing,
nothing more, but this breathtaking rodeo
of Stallion mounting Mare,
this primal, gutteral grunt and groan
of the ultimate scream-sighed release...
All rights reserved © 2008
Yvette Champ
Author notes
Constructive critique welcome. NB Am English ( Re Spelling)
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired 3 (18 or older please) by jasminerose.
700 points, ended February 10, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive critique welcomed
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Wow Brilliant!
Wow Brilliant! Great take on the picture for the contest, and fabulous well used descriptives and poetic graphics in words, you are very talented and visionary and clearly with an intelectual edge too, this is a brilliant piece of poetic sculpting.
Well done fab read write oon love it!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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freedom is freedom, there is no need to ask for forgiveness, free will i will resist the smile to put y to that and all that.
i shake my head a little that you felt the need to put i am english in your notes but i know what you mean by doing that for i have had a few saying my word are not right and i have to go i am not american. spiralled has 2 l's and stuff
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This is so breathtaking...beautifully sensual.
for this cannot be a sin
to feel freedom and nothing,
nothing more, but this breathtaking rodeo
of Stallion mounting Mare,
this primal, gutteral grunt and groan
of the ultimate scream-sighed release...
I love these lines...there can be no sin in giving and receiving love.
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yea! nicely done..
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Thank you for this entry this sensual seductive poem in my contest!! Just breathtaking!
Jasminerose
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moving. I can't think of another word that I felt when I started reading this. It moved me through the end. As one other person commented. The cadence was great. It paced itself so well. Thanks again
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<
I like that, too
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word.
a tumble, yet graceful with it
your word choices give strong cadence; the rhythm jumps off the page (I think) regardless of how it's set out
I've not seen the picture; the inspiration is obvious to me without
free-falling love!
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excellent
wow.this is a great piece of writing love the imagery and references to a holier than thou god. this is frenzied romp of a read.keep on enjoying those breathtaking rodeos they are what life is all about.some people never get to take that ride.
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this is a write I did not need to see the picture of to get the feel for , your words gave me a picture in my own mind, than out of curiosity I had to look and bam! this is excellent.
. Rewarded 4
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Oh my God...no Yvette it isn't a sin. Wow, the brevity, the sensuality the elegance in your words, so appopo! And then i saw the picture and boom...your words had given me a better picture...FOR REAL!
Excellent.
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Simple pleasures are the best
The extent of surrender is equal to the extent that sensation overtakes the moment and still the inner critic.
Love, Tom B.
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I can feel the electricfying energy flowing from every line!
Love the erotic subtleness, style and sensual drive that expresses throughout!!! Pefect ending to this seductive write!
Excellent!!
Thank you for entering this wonderfully enticing poem in my contest!
Jasminerose
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love this!! The opening line is very catching, this is so creative..awesome poem! - aM
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the sounds here are superlative
the imagery lush and vivid
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wow, This is indeed much better then I thought it would be by the title. I really enjoyed the poetic devices and although i think there are a couple mispelled word It was breathtaking. I love the way the poem itself stutters from the sheer eletric shock running through every word. This was beautiful, artistic, and erotic and I wish people would jump this band wagon, erotic yet subtle. I loved this write, keep it up,
Stephanie
. Rewarded 8
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