Is that to much to ask?

I feel the tears...
The heart ache...
All the pain...
It's surfacing again...
Begging...
Pleading...
Screaming...
It wants reliefe...
My skin wants to feel the presure of the blade
My nerves want to feel the skin spliting
My eyes whant to see the blood
My stomach wants there to be calm
My hands want to stop itching
my mind wants the thoughts to be gone
my heart wants to be refreshed
and my emotions want to be released
There are tears,
I want to be gone
and pain I don't want to feel
It's there
Welling up inside
And I don't know how to release them
I swore I wouldn't cut again
I told myself I didn't need it antmore
But yet here I am
Wishing and wanting to pull the blade across my skin
I want to let all the bad out
I want these thoughts to be gone
I want to be able to breath again
I want to be healthy,
I want to be sane,
I want to be normal,
I want to be happy
I just want to be me again!!
Is that to much to ask?!?