I can smell your suicide,
it's a distinctive rot;
I hope you'll win big,
you got nothing to lose.
It's not enough is it,
to live a sucker punch life;
a line of these words,
and there’s dust on your face.
A mirror, a razor,
and powder on a whore's chest;
you take your last trip to space,
so you can feel the final dream.
Asphyxiation on vomit,
it's an elegant suicide;
You've won big my friend,
you got nothing to lose.
Author notes
Written May 9th, 2003
A contest entry
- Drug Addiction by isa.
300 points, ended April 13, 2004, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i've commented on this already so i'll just say i still love it and good luck in this contest!
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Thank you for entering my contest. i really like your poem. Thank you for sharing these words. Cocaine is such a great drug to get hooked on..or so ive heard...i mean that in the worst way possible..heh.
good luck in the contest,
-Isa -
this poem has the "feel" of coke abuse in its language. good job. and yeah, me too, I think the lines "A mirror, a razor, and powder on a whore's chest" are really classic. wish I had written them! good luck in the contest.
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i like the way you put words together. and as so many other, i see, i like the imagery a lot. this poems got a great form and it does a great job of dipiction. nice write.
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This was a great write, so true i loved the way you phrased things and (i hate to repeat them) but i especially liked these lines;
"A mirror, a razor,
and powder on a whore's chest;
you take your last trip to space,
so you can feel the final dream"
Sorry i know 2 other people said they were great but they are so you should be proud
I would be. Thanx for entering the contest i enjoyed this a lot.
Nokie xx. -
"A mirror, a razor,
and powder on a whore's chest;
you take your last trip to space,
so you can feel the final dream"
-Describes it PERFECTLY! Oh, "an" should be changed to "a", little mistakes like that tip me off, sorry. lol. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! Keep up the good writing!
<3,
Alison
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A mirror, a razor,
and powder on a whore's chest;
you take your last trip to space,
so you can feel the final dream
wow. i loved those lines.. smell my suicide... i find it to be a sweet vanilla but thats off topic. this poem was exceptionally great! i loved it all!! keep it up!
Dizzy -
Cocaine can be wonderful if you've got a hangover. But other than that, it's too easy to suddenly not be able to get enough. My poem 'corruption' was actually related to crack.
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I liked this. Though, "an" in the second line should be changed to "a". I also think when writing poems about things like this, it's good to avoid cliche terms (i.g. powder, dust, etc.) - but I don't think you went over board with them, they're subtle (but I try to avoid cliche at all times).
I thought the recurrence of suicide and "you got nothing to lose" was a nice touch.
Good poem. I wrote a Haiku on cocain "The White Lady" awhile back, you might like it. STP -
Wow, when I read this I just got chills. Great descriptions of coke! Powerful.
CountlessSpade -
i used to be hardcore into drugs. i was throw my life away too. i remember our girl died with a needle in her arm that was never injected. My buddy walked in and was so upset he took the needle and injected himself.. i dont know why, its not the worst thing ive seen but it hits me hard. cux they dont care. obviously you know that. the emotion was right on and the feel was incredible. well done.
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very truthful and awesome write..i wrote a few about crank due to expierence..addiction is a horrible thing to get thru....keep writing because ur great!!!
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