Everytime

Everytime the surf is perfect
I get a cold or flu
Everytime I surf the internet
I don’t know what to do

Everytime I try to help someone
I only make it worse
Everytime I sing at karaoke
I wish I’d have rehearsed

Everytime I go shopping
I spend too much money
Whenever I say jokes out loud
no one ever thinks they're funny

When I make a major purchase
it’s half cheaper the next week
Everytime I try to haggle
I just get a yellow streak

Everytime I have a lunchbreak
other work all comes my way
Receipts for things I could return
get accidently thrown away

Everytime I try to argue
someone else is quicker
Everytime I try to eat healthy
I only get more sicker

Everytime I try to sleep
the bloody phone rings
Everytime I look for something
I lose my other things

Everytime I lose my cell phone
I miss an important call
Whenever I discover something's fun
I find it's against the law

Everytime I watch Letterman
I miss the first five minutes
Every picture of me taken lately
makes me look fat and older in it

Everytime I forward a video
it stops within an ad
Whenever I recommend a movie
people watch it and get mad.

Life can be so damned ironic
stupid dumb coincidences
One day healthy then you're chronic
God's just messing with our senses