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Sunflower Special

"I saw her, as I rose to shine tonight,
I cast on her, my special glow
She refused to turn, even slight
Westward faced, her head bent low.

I sent some rain to make her smile,
The wind went to caress her slow,
She just stood still, all the while
Waiting, for me to go..

We have all grown old, you, me, all in sight,
And her love would still, just grow
With every passing night
She hates me more, I know..

I could see them glisten in my gleam
Those tear drops in a gentle flow,
In every fold, I saw the beam
Melting like the summer's snow.."

Thus they spoke, the sun and the moon
About the flower which lay with petals strewn..


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 25

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    Congratulations

    So good to see a shiny trophy on this piece, and yes, it still makes me cry. Well done. Congratulations. ~Pamela

  • Winklings Account gold member
    March 25

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    So much has been said ...

    what can I add?
    I enjoyed the poem. You have managed to be individual. The theme is op[en to discussion (as I have noticed) and that is a good sign in any poem.
    The sunflower is endowed with feelings of ephemerality and this is subtle but fine personification through the conversing of sun and moon.


  • AliceinPoetryLand Moderators member
    March 25

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    Just beai=utiful! I love everything about this poem. It so matches the picture perfectly and has just a small voice of personification.
    Thanks so much for your entry
    Gaylene

  • Dienush Greeters member
    March 13

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    Wow, I really like the metaphor in this - really creative. The ending is very beautiful and I also like the intensity and vagueness of the rest. Nice


  • kennymac
    February 29

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    beautiful

    Beautiful language, romantic thoughts, pure and deep.
    Sunflowers are amazing, and Blake's sunflower is one of my all-time faves: 'Ah, sunflower, weary of time...'Se descriptive of a tired flower bending it's head to Time.

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 28
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    Oh. Sad sunflower, but truly the course of life. I thought this piece quite beautiful. Hit the emotions hard. Nicely done. ~Pamela


    • raspberry Greeters member
      February 28

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      Oh dear.. the sunflower should actually be happy for her hero comes in the dawn .. infact every dawn. Wanted to include more.. but the line limits.. had to stop there!
      Thanks for the comment

      • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
        February 28
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        but the petals strewn....

        and they have grown old...

        and how the sun and moon spoke of her,

        as we would speak in memory of our deceased loved ones...


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    February 26

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    what can I say...

    ...this is a beautiful flow of words and meaning. It is a drift through the mysteries of your heart and I can see the emotion in the words you use.

    Your verses are perfect, the metre is perfect and the rhyme is wonderful.

    I find no fault, and I am in awe.


  • FelineMuse
    February 22

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    I loved the line "I sent some rain to make her smile." It seems to indicate that the rain made her smile in past, but no longer does.


  • Zheifty
    February 22

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    Good^^

    To me this poem symbalizes a first love, A relationship so beautiful but it always ends in disaster >.<
1 - 15 of 15