I want to soar like an Eagle from the top of such mountains
and watch the land paint itself in front of me
unrolling a whole life
the traces of trails
the patterns of paths
explosions of colour
in woods and water
beasts and barrenness
where man is not part of the scene
just an interloper
I want to fly high over such mountains
and touch the sky
and see the world paint itself into eternity
with the greens and the greys and the blues
etched by winter's white in the gold of the spring sun
where morning noon and evening blur into perfection
when all is still and night unfolds its canopy
I want to sleep in an eerie
hidden in the vastness of stars
and perfection
And
I
want
you.
Author notes
Just writing, drunk on words as usual. Please let me know if any of it works or doesn't I don't do much free verse.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
I love this
drunk on words is not bad at all, love this picture,
you soar like an eagle.just my piture in nature, thank you for this entry, good luck
Lin
-
-
Well over 15 lines so removed, sorry
-
-
Yes, it works well.
I like the ending, which was not expected at all.
I think you captured the essence of the eagle well and you took us on a flight with you. I can see that you do write free verse too.
-
-
Another AP poet told me of her trip to the mountains in Washington state with her daughter, I thought I should have a trip of my own.
-
-
It hasn't got any rhymes in, but it sounds nice.
-
Oh Jeff this is just wonderful. I could not of said it better myself, really. It's like you came with me on my trip of realse to the woods this weekend. Just lovely. Do I help make you drunk on words?
-
wow. those last four words have such impact! your free verse is so well done, Jeff...this felt so very personal, as if you were confiding in someone special, and in my opinion, this is the way a poem should feel. Bravo, and I send you a BIG
love, lane
-
-
Several people have criticised the last 4 words, but I thought thye made the poem, I'm glad you like them and it. I am sure that understanding free verse will help me write everything better.
Your help means a lot!
-
-
Oh my! You do have a poetic voice. This is beautiful. I love the feeling and the imagery. Well done!
Love,
Amera
-
-
Thank-you, I think I am getting there at last.
-
-
Mmmmmmm dreamy nice and mmmmmmm.....I can'y get on with free verse as much now, but you manage to acomplish this-as you would do.
-
from nature to love
A weaved dream of nature to then find love ..full of color and freedom that flows in these words ..
-
Free verse?? You question yourself too much. This indeed was a beautiful piece. Impressive.
Always
LS
-
No one would know from reading this, that you were an amateur free verser... Beautiful
-
The poet is drunk on words with style, this does work, imagery,poetic devices, emotion all seen and felt. Title perfect introduction. It could be pared down slightly by reducing the repetition but it doesn't have to be, it works very well indeed, without pictures it paints a picture, without anything twee it speaks and is worthy of being heard.Bravo!
. Rewarded 6
-
Haha..."drunk on words as usual". That's great. But you better be aware of the poetix highway police...they could site you on writing under the influence and your poetic license could get revoked. I loved the poem though. Almost peaceful imagery.
-
It works well together. I was so afraid to open this poem because it was going to be about the band, but I was really happy to see that it was about the place or idea or whatever you want to call it. Great write!
. Rewarded 4
-
This is absolutely gorgeous and I adore the ending. The whole theme/journey really seeps into the soul as you read it.
-
good job! i love the line "where man is not part of the scene just an interloper". it evokes a really pioneer-type image in my mind but is used in a very apt spiritual context. i also enjoyed your alliteration in the first stanza "traces of trails, patterns of paths". nicely done
-
Yep, it works.
Also re this:
"with the greens and the greys and the blues"
I can see the point - unlike a previous reviewer - suddenly interjecting a rolling rhythm into a freely written stanza shows that you are not afraid to break what you are doing and startle us... in comes another sound, another drumbeat, suddenly the random tread of feet breaks into a tap-dance.
You're getting the hang of free verse.
-
Free Verse...
For me, it's also a challenge... I think your expressive style is very advanced and worthy of publication... I've seen other "free verse" that usually bores me, but your poem kept my interest all the way through... It has a natural flow that is simple yet sincere, not at all forced (like some of the others). Keep up the great work!!!
-
good
Good word choice and good flow but the articles in front of the colors in line four of the second stanze broke the rhythm, for me anyway. Also, couldn't get the connection of the last stanza to the rest of the poem.
. Rewarded 4
-
Outstanding!
WOW - what a awesome masterpiece this is! I'm glad I discovered your thought-provoking, inspirational poem today. Thank you for giving our collective muse such beautifully elegant thoughts for pondering!! I love the soflty flowing imagery used here... You've mastered the fine art of metaphor and painted a brilliant, heart-felt poem of love and appreciation for nature and everythihg good in the world, including a loved-one, from your heart and soul. Have you thought of entering this beautiful poem into a contest?!!? You have a winner here!!! Peace, Cyn 
. Rewarded 8
-
-
I don't know where I am with free verse yet, I am thrilled that you like it, I feel it is good and flows nicely but need to know how others feel. Thanks again, and if I see a contest it fits I shall certainly look at entering it.
-
-
like your use of alliteration in "traces of trails/patterns of paths" awesome imagery, too, and i like how the world "paints itself". one suggestion--the ending line says "and i want you" as if the poem and the "you" are too entirely separate things--maybe you could make it so that the "you" is attached to these feelings of nirvana?
-
-
Interesting thought. I was, as always, being me. The first stanza is essentially talking of the beauty of the mountains, of unspoilt wilderness a natural world, the Eagle of the second stanza is not so real. That is me and is essentially metaphorical, of hopes and dreams, where the real world appears it is a vague colours, a vision of a prefect world.
The last four words are me again, I do want all sorts of high flown beauty, but I am essentially just a middle-aged bloke, and in love.
-
-
ending seems abrupt somehow? don't know? first two stanzas were very well written good images good feeling fly like an eagle yes so somehow the last four words seem somehow just added on just my opinion thanks for allowing us to soar with you regards zaj title fits good first line
. Rewarded 6
-
-
See the reply to "Out of town girl" The last four words were me bringing myself back to Earth. Very new to this unrhymed lark and featured to get a variety of opinions, to judge where I am going, so thanks for your critique, greatly appreciated.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
