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The Poet Obscure (terza rima #3)


He may not have the gift of high allusion,
quotes and references to texts obscure
recorded with compulsory profusion.

Perhaps he'd rather find a natural scheme
where words and metaphors come more sincerely,
requiring no exegetic scrawl.

He may not use strong images so nearly
as often as the modernists demand
is vital for a poem to be clearly

more than just a monologue of mind,
for he'll make use of other strong devices
that let him deftly transmit all he means.

He may not ramble on of sacrifices
he's made throughout the years, and what he feels
the world should know of all his strengths and vices.

He might instead decide he'd rather fold
his tales and meditations in the hearses
of dead and dying tenors to the fields.

He may not give his all enjambing verses
haphazardly across each random page,
every line chopped as he disperses

strong opinion, malcontent and pain,

for he may see the line bearing notions
beyond the norms imposed by donnish pride.

He may not feel romanced by Greek devotions
nor feel inclined to scatter Roman lore
throughout the lexicon of his emotions.

A broader range of histories may lure
his thought to ponder cultural connections
rooted in the loam of distant lives.

He may not share the common predilections
of using poetry as but a means
to push his politics in all directions

and further what agendas rule his mind,
for he may have no motive but to travel
through landscapes green with self-development.

He may not heed the rap of fashion's gavel
and follow every statute set by fad,
accepting precedents as laid in gravel.

He might be more inclined to stray afar
from sooty highways, trampled by convention,
on subtle paths that lead to mystic finds.

He may not raise his hackles at the mention
of making use of meter, maybe rhyme,
filled with indignation, rage and tension

to think on prosody, semantic rules,
for he may sense mysterious potential
swelling deep beneath that censured realm,
waiting to be seen as quintessential
to evolutions ever influential.

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience: [Reward: double points]

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • DJMedina
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    deeply intriguing.
    it influences me.
  • Amazing!

    I don't think I could ever write a poem that's so great like this. Wow! It's mind blowing! I'm speechless!

    to think on prosody, semantic rules,
    for he may sense mysterious potential
    swelling deep beneath that censured realm,
    waiting to be seen as quintessential
    to evolutions ever influential.

    This stanza has such creativity and depth. Excellent job, and congrats on the silver!

    • Zahhar gold member
      August 6
      Edit | Reply
      Ah yes those lines were actually kind of fun to figure out and decide upon. And, if you're thirteen, don't limit yourself by saying you "don't think you could ever write a poem that's so great like this." You'll find yourself writing poetry and even prose, as time goes on, that you're exceptionally happy with.

      Thanks for the kudos!
  • i think i could never write this kind of poem but it's amazing to read something like this...a poet who's uber good could write someone about her adulation for a poet despite obscurity.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      Well each poet has his own style and approach to poetry, so chances are there are very few poets who could emulate any other poet convincingly. But, yes, this is a pretty technical piece, and the technical side of language in poetry is pretty challenging in its own right.

      I'm glad you enjoyed. A little birdie told me you used to read my poetry a lot awhile back. Glad to have your eyes again.
  • A friend of yours recommended this to me, and while I am not familiar with the form, it was still a beautiful piece of writing. In fact, it reminded me a lot of "The Poet and the Pendulum" by Nightwish, what with the references to the sacrifices a poet makes for his or her art. Well done, my friend.

    Laura x

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I couldn't find that poem listed in Nightwish's posts. In fact, she only has four poems posted right now--assuming it's the same account you're talking about.

      I'm glad you feel this is a beautiful piece of writing, Laura. Thanks for reading and saying so.

  • LadyUnique silver member
    July 18
    Edit | Reply

  • Incredible

    The subtle ryhme scheme that was barely there and yet so present was graceful, unassuming, and very enjoyable. The verses indicate thoughts and individuality that are both comforting and concerning. I really love this poem.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      When you say "both comforting and concerning", I find myself wishing you would have said more. If you find the time I'd love to see your elaboration of this point.

      Thank you for your kind words and appreciation of this piece.
  • This was really cool and very well written. You have a very extensive vocabulary.
    "to think on prosody, semantic rules,
    for he may sense mysterious potential
    swelling deep beneath that censured realm,
    waiting to be seen as quintessential
    to evolutions ever influential."
    Was my favorite part and it was a great ending. Congratulations on your silver trophy, and good luck in the other contests!
    Great job.
    ~Pandy

    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I'm curious why this was your favorite part of the poem.

      Would you believe I actually developed a list of the "conventions and pretensions of modern poetry" and developed this poem, two stanzas at a time, using that list as a guideline?

      * Obligatory allusion
      * Far-fetched "strong" imagery
      * Ridiculous use of enjambment
      * Self-aggrandizing
      * Greco-roman references
      * Agenda orientation
      * Tendency to try to stay in fashion with current stylistic fads
      * Overzealous avoidance of rhyme and structure

      And that's modern poetry, folks.

  • rbruce gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    This a great write. Not often have I seen this kind of poetry so well done. The poet makes his mark on his readers by what he writes and by how he sets it all out. Full credit to the poet who uses whatever form or style suits his own purpose. Congratulations on an excellent poem.

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      And who develops his craft within those forms and styles while evolving them beyond convention and even precedent.

      If I never write a true masterpiece one day in my life, I will at the very least invent word patterns and structures that will be totally new to English.

  • Jeremy0826 gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is really a well thought out
    and written piece for this contest!
    I really enjoyed reading every word
    of this. I love your rhyme scheme
    and think you did a great job putting
    this together! All the best to you in
    this contest and congratulations to you
    on your Silver for it!

    Thanks a lot for sharing it here and
    keep up the wonderful work!




    Jeremy0826

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you sir. It's been a long time since I gave much energy to AP contest, but maybe I'll start doing so again, for its more social aspects.

  • paulcreates silver member
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know enough about the things discussed in the first few comments posted here but I did read down to your last comment to Ace-lightwithinme and I definately resonate with it so much it bears repeating. I'm in 100% agreement. You've done an admirable job here!
    Zahhar said:
    "..But, to be a recognized poet, with lots of acclaim, I'm pretty sure you have to buy into what someone of influence is selling, ride that person's fame to your own notice, and only then begin to modify your mentor's pitch to your own liking. So, knowing I'll never do this, I've resigned myself to be one among the poets obscure, writing to be read, and wanting to be read, but determined to stay true to the poet I know myself to be, for better or worse."

    Paul

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      I had a feeling I wouldn't be the only one to see it this way.

      Thank you for your kind words, Paul, and for your appreciation of this piece.

  • Peripatetic gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply

    Tercet verses of sestet thoughts.

    The revolving hendecasyllable and decasyllable meters creates an effective flow with the frequent enjambment between tercets holding the thought for each sestet.
    Form should be most of all a vehicle for content. The content of this is marvelous, both humorous and critical. Its final couplet with the rhetorical devices of the preceding tercets affirm that even conventions presently out of critical fashion may contribute to poetic excellence.
    Following the argument of the poem, we conclude artistically unfettered intellectual freedom is more likely to result in fine poetry than the pushing and pulling of various schools of criticism.
    Along that line, it is fine with me that this is not a pure terza rima with the expected leap-frogging rhyme pattern aba bcb cdc, etc. making only an occasional appearance. (Perhaps the leap-frogging meters fill the same rhythmic function.) If Dante has anything to say on this point, let him speak for himself. I'm just going to applaud the poem for its coherence, humorous delivery, and cogent dialectic.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 16
      Edit | Reply
      Wow I really appreciate your compliments.

      I noticed you see the leap-frog rhyme pattern as occurring only occasionally. I'd be curious how your perception of the poem would change to learn that it's occurring specifically in the hendecasyllables (or hypercatalectic iambic pentameters), and in the decasyllables, you'll find that the end-line scheme uses alliteration on the final accented syllable instead of rhyme--and to interesting effect I think.

      Again, sir, your thoughts and analysis are much enjoyed and much appreciated.

      • Peripatetic gold member
        July 16
        Edit | Reply
        I did notice the rhyme pattern. Based on the skill with which you employed other devices, I thought it was probably intentional, but I did not want to assume too much. Until you pointed it out just now, I had missed the alliteration. Even without noticing that as one of the reasons for it, the poem has excellent flow.
        I am something of a purist for my own writing in form, but only because I do not have the imaginative chutzpah you have exhibited here. You have produced a fine poem for aesthetic appreciation, but also an education into possibilities.

        acatalectic/catalectic:
        Your decasyllables are acatalectic (complete) iambic pentameters, while your hendecasyllables are catalectic (unfinished) iambic hexameters. I think of them simply as hendecasyllables for this poem because that's such an identifiably Italian and Dante-esque line scheme.
  • Hello.

    An excellent poem. You bring many valid points all sprouting from the same soil; the underlying point that fuels it all, is of course just as valid. You are who you are, and you will do it your way. This speaks of someone at peace with himself, and has no time for his ego or others, and can stand on his own if need be. And someone for whom the most important thing is that they speak their way; being true to yourself in my opinion is the only way, if you are not true to yourself, what validity do your words truly hold?

    A friend of yours gave me a link to this poem to check it out, her name is 'Mornings'; thought I would mention that. Congratulations on your Silver Trophy. I wish you well on your journey.

    My regards.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 16

      Edit | Reply
      I like your final thought there, "If you're not true to yourself, then what validity do your words truly hold?" Nicely put.

      Yes, I've striven throughout the years to be true to myself, even as my self changes and evolves.

      I think what mostly drives my originality is my content of focus, animistic themes and points of view. Another big contributor is the fact that I've been influenced by traditional structured poetry as well as modern contemporary. Because I have a tendency to think more inclusively than exclusively, I've come to be an explorer of both structured and free verse, and I've found myself looking for ways to bring the two together (some would say there is no way to do this).

      I've also sought to modernize classical forms in my own way, as this poem has taken a step toward doing by bending one layer in the end-line scheme. If you found yourself reading through my other structured poems posted here, you'd find that I bend a lot of traditional schemes, but without ever leaving the framework of those schemes.

      And I've found that as I encounter and learn about various schools of literary criticism, I tend to explore their ideas and look for ways of using them in what feels like a useful manner rather than accepting them wholly to the exclusion of all else, or shunning them entirely as invalid.

      I think for me being true to myself has just been to stay open minded, and to explore an idea even though I know it's going to upset the critical sentiments of a large group of potential readers. In this way, I've always learned more about poetry and poetics and developed my craft better than I would have if I took one of the wheel rutted routes, and hopefully this trend will continue life long.

      But, to be a recognized poet, with lots of acclaim, I'm pretty sure you have to buy into what someone of influence is selling, ride that person's fame to your own notice, and only then begin to modify your mentor's pitch to your own liking. So, knowing I'll never do this, I've resigned myself to be one among the poets obscure, writing to be read, and wanting to be read, but determined to stay true to the poet I know myself to be, for better or worse.
      • Hello Zahhar. Thank you very much for such a long and detailed reply. There is no need for me to waffle on in this or that, you are who you are, but there is no resignation in my view when you are that who you are meant to be. My regards.
  • max337
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    Love the craftsmanship and the theme.

    " ... rap of fashion's gavel ... "
    Luvit.

    Very polished stuff.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      June 21
      Edit | Reply
      Ah yes, I've been fined for disorderly conduct in the court of poetic convention many a time.
  • By the way ...

    after rereading this the other day, I decided to use terza rima with a villanelle form to write a poem. It's called Daughters of Achelous. I got a Gold on it too.

    Anyway, thanks for the inspiration to use the form again.
  • I thought...

    that this describes many writers of past and present, we who do not think of rules, semantics, forms... We who write what we think might make the reader feel what we feel, or what we wish them to feel, or what, more precisely, makes US feel what we feel, hoping the reader might feel as we do.

    . Rewarded 6

  • Ah. This food is very rich for thought


    This is like dark dark chocolate. Must enjoy a little at a time.


  • Ink Shadow
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    This is brilliant, one of the better poems I have read at this site.

    D


  • Serene
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    A WINNER!

    A fine piece with fine usage of vocabulary, it just seem to flow with thoughts of a peot's obscure. A real masterpiece!! Congratulations of well deserved win!!

    Rena~

    . Rewarded 4


  • myrataal silver member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    This is a worthy silver ...

    it once again challenged me to test my own poetic intentions to each stanza ... and once again I came to the conclusion that each poet should bring to the page the phrasings of his own voice, in his own style, and enticed to do so by his own Muse.

    Although we may follow some proformas it is in the end more valuable to write true to own core.

    I enjoyed reading these thoughts, so neatly penned in refined words.

    Blessed be.
    Myra

    . Rewarded 8

  • JWGoethe
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    A poet once responded to the question "what does this poem mean?' He replied, when I wrote it, both God and I knew. Now, God only knows. This is once of the most daring, creative, and profound works I've yet read on this site. I am deeply impressed.
  • a great entry, and well thought out...or maybe youre brilliant enough to just make this up as you went.
    a nice job with your vocabulary also

    i also like the fact the "he" is not glorified, merely observed, and yet with such obsevances come a longing from the reader to want to be like whomever this "he" is...at times, even i was like...hmmmm....is he kissing my ass? and then i re-humbled myself and commenced back to a judges point of view....but i bet i am not the only one

    all in all, i hope your work becomes exposed to narrow eyes

    . Rewarded 8


  • a dozenglassroses
    February 29
    Edit | Reply
    Great jo
  • peobrach
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    prove
  • peobrach
    February 28
    Edit | Reply

    Astonishing

    You are a very deep thinking man with an incredible talent. Your studies have proven you Poet Laureate. This is incredible, your words proove you have gone beyond all the beginning steps. You have taught me a great deal here. Who Is "He"?

    . Rewarded 4

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa ...

    my mind is reeling. That's not just a mouthful, it would choke a horse. I am not sure, but I think you might have just founded a new school of philosophical thinking.

    Interesting way of writing, employing the third person that way. I am not sure I've ever done it, but I might think about it sometime, just because I read this poem. I'm fond of terza rima, but rarely use it myself. I think I have one poem here using that particular form. Seems like I remember Frost was fond of it, and that's why I wrote that one.

    Anyway, this is certainly a tour de force. Magnifique. C'est tout qu'il faut dire.

    Thanks for the chance to read this. Now I'll be waking up all night long thinking, wait, what did that mean? (Just kidding).

    . Rewarded 8

1 - 43 of 43