black ink spills over these awkward white pages,
tattooing the sheets as the author slowly ages.
unstable, the author's words flow from the pen,
designing, erasing, and starting again.
ideas are stopped by a block of the mind;
a vast gate of roses, tangled and entwined.
it blocks out the light at the wrong times of day
and refracts light from rainbows in the worst shades of gray.
bodies litter the ground, men attempted and failed
to overcome the wall that always prevailed.
this author, unlike the hordes of other men,
kept designing, erasing and starting again.
one day, when the author forgot how to think,
his pen began to flow, fast with fresh ink.
he realized the wall was just in his head,
he regretted the men lost, and the tears he had shed.
borders are important, just like time or space,
but all are illusions, and don't define this place.
In a list
A contest entry
- Checklist by Polaja.
1750 points, ended March 3, 18 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 6 The Wall - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 1, 34 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dalaney Contest 6 The Wall by Sue Cardwell.
650 points, ended July 24, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Very nice metaphores in this write. I enjoyed the flow as well. I really enjoyed the ending. Thanks for entering and good luck.
-
I cannot really add much to the comment we made in the "Dalaney" version of this contest. Very glad to see you replacing the ampersands with the full word, definitely looks better that way.
Well done on a well deserved HM to add to the Gold from the Dalaney.
Great stuff and we look forward to reading your entries in the later rounds.
Jeff and Sue
-
Congratulations on the gold..this flows so well and was a pleasure to read. good job!
-
Thank you for your very interesting entry in our contest. The only fault that we could see was the use of ampersand in place of the word 'and'. It really doesn't work in poetry and if you would like to make changes it might help us in the marking of our other contest. We do however, feel that your rhyme and flow is excellent and there's nothing much that you can gain from entering the Dalaney contests for beginners.
Congratulations on a very well deserved gold. Your poem was a joy to read... Sue and Jeff
-
LOVE THIS
i love when you write with such powerful imagery adn deep stuff lmfao
my comments not good enough for this poem. i soudn ilek a little 2nd grader
but youll live.
-
This is spectacular for reasons found only in the write. You are right on the money with this, the message is so easy, it's profound, like when you're looking for your sunglasses, and they're on your stupid head.
I give you kudos also, in particular for the age and wisdom ratio.
Simple. You let the words paint the picture, my most favorite type of entry.
A BIG thank you,
Jin
-
Dear Aanika
Seriously don't know how you wound up with an HM for this previously! This is very good, I mean very! Maybe this time. Hope so, good luck to you here.
John
-
Fun!
This is an excellent little verse on writer's block. The muse no longer whispers in my ear. Excellent execution on your rhyme scheme. You have crafted a clever poem, thanks for entering! -
The word 'tatooing' should have a double 't' in it... and I think that the last line doesn't really flow as well as the rest of the poem, it has an extra syllable or something of that nature (just my opinion, please don't be offended)... apart from those little things this is a wonderful poem... I really liked the take on the contest prompts - and the rhyme and flow (for the most part) are very well done... thank you for your entry, I really enjoyed this piece
Keep writing
Polly
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
