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Changing Places

I searched within the nightmare of your mind
to find you cowering - gave you the key
and you escaped - but shut the door behind.
I'm calling in the dark "Come back for me!"

Author notes

Dark. jimmy20johns

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Short and sweet, that last line definitely screams for attention. Well done, and thanks for entering.

    Laura

  • Just Mercedes
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Heartbreaking cry. Do you have a soundcard on your computer? "Come Back For Me" is a wonderful dark song by Iota, an Australian singer. If you can listen. here it is:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLzTYLuI0h0


  • dying-emotions
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, thanks for the entry, but im guessing you didnt read the contest rules?

    I asked for the pomes to be between 12-42 lines!

    Really sorry.

    So could i ask you to remove this please sorry.

    (Was a good write though

  • RX-Queen
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    Great write, short yet full of meaning. Thanx for entering and good luck!

  • gypsyfan
    May 30
    Edit | Reply

    Short, but good

    This poem proves that you don't need to be excessive to convey true emotion. Good luck

  • Cat10
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering! this is a very nice poem! you did a really, really good job here! good luck in the contest!

  • brightsmylesxx
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is so powerful for such a short poem! You can say a lot in a few words! The rhyme is nice and adds flow. Great poem! Thanks for entering and good luck!

    ~

  • CarnalNineTailedFox
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox

  • Redrusty66
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Great short piece. Says alot for only a few lines. Manages to bring alive the imagery with only a few words. Thanks for the read.

  • ShadedRequiem
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem, but I think it needs more. It's a great start, but I think you need to tell more of the story. Good job. Alyssa

  • Nicotine Eyes
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    Funny and sad. Left behind isnt fun :[
    Thanks & Good luck

    BabyLove--x

  • Friday gold member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm this is a very different take on the prompt...
    I think you've gone more for recreating the feel of the quote than anything.
    Very unique Thank you

  • CarnalNineTailedFox
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was really good! i love that last line! you have captured so much in such short lines! thank you for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox

  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    different and short thank you for that because i hate long piecec that are not worth reading at all

    thanks for entering

  • phoenixonfire
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Dark and awesome! With so much simplicity but speaks in many words! Excellent work in such less words!1

    thanks for entering and good luck!

    pri

  • Maedes
    March 18
    Edit | Reply
    Like the first line: "I searched within the nightmare of your mind..."

    Success in your contest


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful, and frightening take. Well written sir!

1 - 18 of 18