Crescent moon mounts lightly pressing
extracting radiant response
as fear droplets penetrate
unfamiliar limbs entwine ensconced.
Pain, once put aside
chooses to paralyse,
smothering sensitivity,
suppressing desired harmony.
A lifetime lived restrained,
what gain? to relive past pain
in an ashen desolate for one domain.
Let doubt depart and trust remain,
I beg, transform, elevate me
from shrieking singularity!
Nurturing one, innate understanding;
won precious intimacy tenderly shared.
Untamed regrowth freely abounds
damaging suckers ripped and furled.
Clinging close all fear diminished
penetrating deep a love that binds,
allowing both to feel and cherish,
cultivating commitment to each as he finds.
Author notes
POD contest
Theme fridgidity
A contest entry
- Poem of the day - POD by Arkbear.
500 points, ended March 19, 6 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Sorry, forgot the clappy guys...still bleary eyed
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Congrats on the HM!
An intense and powerful piece. Love the theme, most unique. Some fantastic imagery portrayed here, awesome. The 3rd verse really stood out to me, don't know why but I love that one. Superbly penned, congrats on the HM
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Hi there :)
I have to agree with both of your other two Judges on a couple of things.....Flow is very hard for me to follow....not sure if you have an accent...or if this American tonuge is just stumbling today :)
Words with *ing* are a big cause of losing Impact and Power in a write ~
Your Focus on Theme is a bit blurry for me ~
Originality is very nice.....and this is why I had to read this 4 times before I really captured all of your thoughts ~
Imagery is lacking IMO.....and it seems to be more of a psychological Imagery which you paint for us ~
It is nice to see a Poet dig DEEP into their thoughts and spill some unusual ink for us...
...so nice to see you join us again in the PO' contests ~
Good luck to you and your entyr,
Bear ~
Title 9.3
Flow 8.25
Depth 8.95
Theme 10
Feelings 9.1
Grammar 9.45
Presentation 9.5
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.85
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 93.4
Nice job :)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Thank you for the HM
and all the helpful comments......see you again soon
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I can't honestly say I remember reading a poem on this subject before, so nice job on finding a unique theme to bring to the PO contest. There's a lot of pain wrapped into this, I feel, and your single exclamation point is well placed in bringing some of that across.
My primary problem in reading was in flow. You've used a lot of words ending in "ing"...I'd like to see the poem simplified: "damage" instead of "damaging", "penetrate" instead of "penetrating" etc. That would, IMO, bring more power and impact by bring it into the present tense, also make it a bit easier to follow your thoughts. Theme came across nicely, and a good title round this out well. It's a bit light on imagery, which will affect the score a bit, but still one of the most interesting poems I've read in quite some time.
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J. -
Your unusual wording made this theme more interesting, I feel. It read nicely - smooth feel to it.
best wishes in the contest.
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Nice rhyme and pattern here, I need to reread this a couple times, but it's interesting language. I think your flow is a little difficult to follow...it doesn't seem to follow quite as easily to me. I think your theme is interesting, and the thought of nurturing and clinging is nicely used here...very thoughtful entry!
My scores:
Rhyme: 10
Rules: 10
Theme: 10
Language Use: 9
Ponder Effect: 9
Spelling/grammar: 9
Title: 10
Imagination: 9
Flow: 8
Creativity: 9
Total Scores: 93
Nice! Remember, once the judge has touched your poem, no editing please!
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Well penned.
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on.
*PEACE*
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Mmm, excellent theme, and very well written too,
well done and good luck to you,
Floorboards.
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