Sticky nectar lay within carnal drops,
born seedlings through Apis Mellifera,
conceived sighs bloomed apart his femme fatale
by coming Summer's changing weather;
Her eyes first shone plastic hearts’ reflections,
Rosa tightly curling 'round a stomach,
lightly curves peeled leaves in subtle sections,
for whom, creased mouths won arching backs;
Those ecstatic lips darted past, aroused,
milks’ pressure pushing fabric over peaks,
leisure's sunshine kicked behind buttoned blouse,
and stems grew digits between their beats;
Gently breathing, such consummated love.
Author notes
Apis Mellifera and Rosa should be in italics (however I don't have the privilege).
As a side (and slightly irrelevant, but interesting) note, I don't think I've repeated any words.
A contest entry
- Guaranteed Comments! II by Nam.
1750 points, ended June 8, 110 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest, I promise it won't hurt;
Comments
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Thank you for your entry in our contest, while a joy to read it doesn't fit the contest, this is for rhyme and flow...sorry
All the best...Sue and Jeff
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Although you said your preferred exact rhyme, you didn't say not to enter slant. There's also subtle in line rhyming, and a systematic syllable count.
No worries though, judging is subjective, and I can see it's not what you guys prefer. -
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Thanks for that, yes your poem is nicely slant rhymed and syllabically seems excellent, I also rather like the poem
Our goals in these contests are towards meter and exact rhyme rather than syllables and assonance, both of those being important and valuable (and often beautiful) parts of poetry.
Thank-you for understanding that the judging is for the judges, you have no idea how many people enter poems unrhymed and off theme who argue that the rules don't apply to them!
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I usually do not care for poems of this accord 'cause they are usually not written well but I have to say, this is changing my opinion in such regard. Though I'm sure I'll read one that changes it back but for now, a great poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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