The butterlies kiss the lining of my stomach,
I dread going back, no friend to stand by me,
Can you see, I need you more than you need me?
I need you because I love you, not how you love me;
Just because you need me, Stand by me.
Trust now is torn, the mocking of your voice,
Faded behind the mask, slipping into the defence,
Trying to fight the battles, forcing myself to be;
Just trying to get through on my own, your life experiences;
beating down on me, preventing me from carrying myself.
The feel of you anywhere near me, makes me want to run and hide,
Longing for some space to interpret, that which is my life,
Going through school; dragging myself along,
Now you want me to drag you too?
Can you not see how hard I try to do what I do?
Taking on a different view, saying yea ok I'll try,
Trying's not enough for you, arguments are often;
More often then they ever were before,
I'm not your territory, why do you fight as if I'm yours?
Can I not stand alone yet be a friend to you all?
Being close to one means neglecting another?
No I don't think so, I can do it for many,
I cannot carry on, with you clinging to me like you do,
The times I think I should just move school,
Restart and do it again, without the distraction.
Those which are friends, I love you all to bits,
However, the difficulty I hit; I'm my own person,
Distractions don't help me get school work done,
I fight and I cry and I do what I can,
Can you not see that I'm dying from the strain?
Where can I go from here? I long to be everything you are,
Successful at school, grades without trying,
Can you not see that I'm the one that needs help?
I try to keep it under wraps, but in the end I fail,
That's all I ever do... Fail
F
A
I
L
Fail.
Author notes
Ermmm... Just something I had to write.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this is so beautifully written,
from the comments i see you have many friends around you,
and you should never ever give up, always hope for tomorrow to be better it is sometimes all we can do to keep going,
all my love,
kitty xxx -
I think you are to hard on yourself your an amazing person if you quit you fail and you are not a quiter I am proud of you.
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You haven't failed, baby. You only fail when you don't try. That's the only way you'll ever fail.
Please, if you need anyone to talk to...or just a hug...I'm here. I care about you, and want to be clsoe to you, honey. Know that.
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If it feels better to write it then that's a good thing, honey. You have more than Charla, you have Daddy and me. We all love you and you WILL NOT fail because you'll get there if you take it steady and don't give up. I love you, precious...
Love and hugs
Mummy 
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you have a friend to stand by you her name is charla and although she can be the worlds buggest annoying whore she loves you more than anyone and you are always in her heart
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Thanks Charla bum...
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