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A word

 

Do you crack the old
dry twig of language
just to feel a moment's
shock streak through hands
along bones membranes and
small raised hairs

Do you bend old yellow
rules of syntax until it frays
just to see paint crackle as
splinters rise against mind
revealing plywood layers of
a moment's understanding

Do you have one idea
what you're doing as you
play with words saying all
the same old things but
with broken verbs that
hang from splintered nouns

 

 

In a list

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Comments

1 - 30 of 49     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • x26ss
    October 2
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    Edit | Reply
    LOL, I really enjoyed this read, the imagery is fantastic, what a beautiful and unique way to get your annoyance across!

    . Rewarded 4

  • blaizenaway
    September 28
    Edit | Reply
    Great word play it flowed together flawlessly great read

  • Sylvyrwyng silver member
    September 24
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    EXQUISITE IMAGERY! This has taken ahold of my mind and brought forth some wonderful feelings and thoughts and pictures. Thought provoking, intuitive and so true. I am always impressed by your work but this one stands out and pulls the reader into it. Definitely worth three applauses.

    I have only one question for you? other than apostrophes, where is the punctuation? With the punctuation this piece, which is already award winning in its contents, would take gold in just about any contest here. I would recommend that you at this piece with an editor's eye and tighten this up just a smidge.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      September 26
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      In recent years I've been finding I prefer to go punctuation-free in my shorter poems. Though punctuation can improve readability, it can also ruin the graphological aesthetics of the poem. It's a balance. One that, for me, tips toward a graphological minimism.

      Glad you enjoyed.

  • Ankita A
    September 14
    Edit | Reply

    GOOD WORK

    well it was a great write n i thoroughly enjoyed reading it ...very well penned !!

    • Zahhar gold member
      September 26
      Edit | Reply
      Glad you enjoyed Ankita. Thanks for stopping by.

  • manoguru
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    somehow the "old dry twig" reminds me of the pencil i was fooling around with a little while ago. o how i love to break it when i can't write what i want to write. lol. but putting the humor aside, i think you have hit the nerve with most writers. i believe that most writers have a project in their subconscious mind that they always create and recreate endlessly to get it right.

    good writing, better concept.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      September 3
      Edit | Reply
      that's an interesting idea. a project without our subconsciousness that we are driven to create and recreate. somehow, however, i doubt we ever 'get it right', because karma just doesn't work this way. but this is something to ponder for me, something to reflect on. something to try to gain insight into.
  • trekkergirl silver member
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem. I like the way that you use imagery to discribe your words. I also like the way you were very creative. To me this shows that you are a very creative writer. Because this is definitely a different kind of writer. Not to say that this poem is a badly written one. It is not by far. It is written very well. And a good read. Thanks for sharing.

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply
      Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for leaving your thoughts and telling me what you liked about this in your own words.

  • Glenn
    August 25
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for writing somthing different.

    bye the way, it was a good poem


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply
      I do try. Sometimes a little too different I'm afraid.

  • Katinkatze
    August 20

    Edit | Reply

    splendid

    I like the way you compare english language with timber. i happen to teach english and also carpentry and the connection seemed to hit a good note with me. I mostly appreciate the flowing verses here, each word seemed to follow one another well with their natural accent

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      Aye this was an inspired write. Glad you enjoyed Katin.

  • jazzcat gold member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    very clever and well-conceived. I liked the metaphors you used and the feeling you created. Nice job!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Karayan
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    Do you have one idea
    what you're doing as you
    play with words saying all
    the same old things but
    with broken verbs that
    hang from splintered nouns

    pretty descriptive right there, and I am glad to have had the priviledge of reading such a well worded piece as this. Great job

  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    In your work with language you are more like a master sculptor who follows well worn techniques of working with the wood to bring out the beauty it contains within. You instinctively know how pliable the particular piece of timber is and how far it will go without warping. Many others on this site are more like odd-job-men who rely on hammering and bodging things together in a utilitarian but not elegant fashion.
    This piece is an example of that. Yes there are a few grammatical lapses that purists may eschew but you make those lapses work for you and the results is very pleasing.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Wonderful compliment, Sir! Thank you!

      And though I follow well worn techniques, I also strive to build upon them, evolve them, realize their full potentials. Poetry need not be flower-child free, a rattle of willful ramble, or biblically inaccessible for it to rise to new heights from the realm of Classical and Romantic poetry. In fact, these Modernist 'innovations' have only regressed English poetry back to the slippery pits from whence it scraped and crawled to light.

      I've struggled to find that breaking point where this split took place, and make my own evolution from there. That split where Modernism fell the great redwoods, gums, and tamaracks of poetry to earth, chopped them up into little bits, and fed them to the pulp-mills of chopped prose.

      • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
        August 12
        Edit | Reply
        Whilst I might have prefered "the rich soil of Classical and Romantic Poetry" to "the ashes..." I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments.
        Keep up the good work.

        • Zahhar gold member
          August 12
          Edit | Reply
          Ah, I was thinking in terms of how it's been abandoned by the Modernists and Postmodernists. But rich soil is better, true. I'll alter that a touch.

  • Elliot Hatchett
    August 6
    Edit | Reply
    'slang' words are a disgrace to the human language. half the time i don't understand what is being said. I really love this poem.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 6
      Edit | Reply
      Ah "slang"! I wouldn't have thought of that interpretation of this admonishment! Great! I love it when readers give me new ways of thinking about my own words!

  • arafura
    July 23
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting! I like the feel and the flow of this. Well written!


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 23
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Sir. I was half worried I'd get flamed posting this, but people actually tend to enjoy this poem somehow.

  • crimson-river
    July 4

    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO

    haha.
    Interesting questions to pose. I like questions, but more so like them when they are given just one likelihood of the answer. This poem, though, is fine without that.
    I know that when you're in a hurry to put down what's on your mind, it's hard to find room or time for grammar. I do it myself. Your poem is OK without the question marks and what not, but it would be nice to throw in a couple commas to accentuate certain parts of your question.

    My favorite stanza was:

    Do you have one idea
    what you're doing as you
    play with words saying all
    the same old things but
    with broken verbs that
    hang from splintered nouns

    This was a great way to end the poem. I got a sense of humor in it and it all made sense.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      I wasn't actually in a hurry when I put this together. It was a meditative process, a meditative write. The question marks were avoided intentionally, to level the words at the reader, like a gunshot, every bit as much a statement of fact as question.

  • Zahhar gold member
    June 25
    Edit | Reply

    <

    Ah! Well if you find you'd like to share this poem with your teacher, feel free. Just come back and report on what she said.
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