You took me swimming,
I took your ring
we were young and innocent in everything.
When you said you were mine
I gave you my heart
I knew then and there
that we would never be apart.
But unknown to me
was something you'd hide
the pain deep inside you
was a thing I couldn't find.
...and when you took your own life, you also took mine.
Comments
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"...and when you took your own life, you also took mine."
There are always at least 2 people who die in a suicide, the one who took his life and the ones who live on. This was very well expressed. I think the use of rhyme here helps the reader handle the gravity of this piece. It also enhances the impact of the unforseen ending.
Nicely, done.
John
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I don't know where you are heading with this and I also have not spoken with you in quite sometime. This almost seems like the words of someone other than you, even though I do not question that it is you. The story is sad and the ending sadder. You do not always use rhyme in your pieces. You chose to here and that does not diminish the force of the effort because I like rhyme. I just wish I knew where you have been, and I'm not one to frequent 'My Space' to find out. I miss you and whatever you have gone through these past months is a mystery to me. RC
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Well this was a poem I did for a paper in my english class because my topic is teen suicide and it's a multi-genre paper. So it is entirely fictional. I have been meaning to add poetry on here again, and I will admit that this is not the way I had anticipated rejoining AP, but....
As ever, I enjoy reading your appraisals.
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Oh my... What a powerful heart wrenching piece. 
Excellent emotional imagery.
Delila
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