if i could fit
into a teacup
i would
steeping in my
english breakfast
splashing in my
english breakfast
a flavour that is
brisk and eager and
i am very
brisk and eager
you say that it's
quite enough while
simultaneously
praising my delicate ankles
my stomach rumbles
call you like a birdsong
and they grow low and long
there's always
you and lemon tea
things i like
to suck between my teeth
and it's almost as
filling as the real thing
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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How promptly illustrative
I like being drawn in by drama without extremes' scares, and you provide me that very clearly in, "if i could fit into a teacup i would," not only diminishing in chores. Spotting out the facile things that perk you up, you should be able to always feel that bubbling comparatively as in a stove notch. How consolidated for the reader, and "splashing" etcetera windows into plenty feasible in this morning-booster like life.
The second stanza has a whirlpool of creativity, I like "praising my delicate ankles" representing coming through struggles realistically, funny how he/she changed from burden to appreciate. Verses 16-18 is the best in my opinion, visualizing your shivering reaction in the 'finished' bell, traced contently by fowl opera and phonics.
Your sentiment of the inhalation of these nibbly metaphors had power ... especially how you draft painfully in the last line that you return to this dream when wanting facets.
Fabulous etch of emotion, I get more out of it,
Daisy -
this is gooooooooooooood times a google
.
I'm glad i randomly came across you
post more!, please.
.silver.
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that is small...
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Aww Kathryn. This is some kind of powerful writing mate- if it helps you? you should write more, because they would be good too.
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If only things were less complicated eh? So much choice, and so many people telling you what you should think and what you should be, what you should look like, and what you should do with those choices. It's a tough world out there, no doubt, and you're on your own for most of it. But good luck, and remember that image is just one element of a person, and the rest is what's inside them (no pun intended
)
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love the last stanza, a real punch of an ending, and the details "praising my delicate ankles." also enjoy the "brisk and eager" rush of words almost tripping on themselves in the first stanza, which the lack of punctuation contributes to, a distinct voice.
changes somewhat in the second stanza, the ending my "stomach rumbles
call you like a birdsong
and they grow low and long"
didn't seem as stong to me, a different tone, and just i'm probably just being dense and not getting it, but could possibly stand a little tinkering.
but that last stanza is absolutely awesome. takes on a mature, or at least heavier tone, a lot to suck on there. very interesting, creative piece. -
lol
think I'll put some water onto boil
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I love this piece,very contemplative...
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Nice work.
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Very different, i enjoyed the imagery that you described here, great work!
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I like this a lot but oh how it cries for punctuation! It would improve by 86.3% if, properly;
punctuated. i feel.
One clapping monkey could have been 1.863 clapping monkeys (rounded up to two)
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I like this
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Fantastic, and thus, i extend a gift
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