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Pushed

coils compressed
form depressed

burdened by the weight
of pressure too great

elemental flexibility
becomes metallic malleability

basic shape transformation
succumbing to condensation

to the breaking point it is bent
all energy of resistance spent

humans have left their imprint

these changes are permanent

Author notes

I'm a little drugged up right now (sick)... so everything is kind of trippy and I'm not very coherent. Forgive me if this doesn't make sense. LOL.

Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • lindaburns
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like it could be an ecological comment.
    Maybe voicing the short sightedness of man.


  • notorious
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    There's nothing wrong with not making sense.

    "coils compressed
    form depressed"
    I just find this totally comical. Maybe 'cause it rhymes, although rhyming doesn't usually make me laugh.

    "metallic malleability"
    Oh pretty phrasing, and really cleverly thought-of, might I add. Oh yeah, 'elemental' is a nice word--it's like, nerdy and intellectual and rolls of your tongue like...something smooth. (:

    "basic shape transformation"
    Not a basic line at all--me likey.

    "succumbing to condensation"
    'Succumbing' is a groovy verb.

    "all energy of resistance spent"
    A little sad, but it's evocative

    "these changes are permanent"
    Kind of makes you reread and say "Damn, I am stupid!" This line speaks truth.


  • crimsondew silver member
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    It made sense alright scientifically
    like how you have used physics to describe emotions...


  • Chaos Star
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    it mades sense, in a non-logical way. i love the rhyme, flow, and word choice. great write.

  • Flare the Arcphoenix
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    I'd be the first to try to analyze this whether it made sense or not, you know that. ^.^
    To me, though, it makes sense, in a not-your-typical-sensical-way, if that made any sense. I have to work the reason from the bottom-up, but (in a nutshell) I think this could be from a personal perspective, saying that the world's forces that mold and shape the way things work (whether politically or naturally) have pressured your psyche to the "breaking point," as you so nicely put it; OR, you could view it from a natural perspective: the world's tarnishings of nature's resources have constricted nature to the point of no return, sapping mineral, liquid, and gas until there's nothing left...not sure where it came from, but the thought came. ^.^

    Excellent write! Expect me to be reading more!

    --Flare
    o|--|=======>


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      April 30

      Edit | Reply
      Hahaha... I like that!
      I'd say either analysis would be completely accurate... although, I was so drugged up I don't really remember what I was thinking... I just had this image of a metal coil compressed tightly.

  • Amera gold member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    Not sure which is better; Pushed or Pulled! I know! You need better drugs; perhaps the kind you can smoke. hehe... well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥

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