i
stained glass wings rest
light against the dull gray
tinge of stainless steel
compound eyes study a world
more strange and alien
than their wide and varied view
giant beetles rush colors past
sometimes disgorging unwieldy
young from beneath heavy wings
great square hives rise up
full of eyes that glint back bits
of amber pearl and turquoise
creatures half concealed by
cocoon remains rush about
scratching out bits of song
small metal trees grow barely
a few flat leaves which never
bend to the touch of wind
there is no need for thought
for there is nothing to understand
here of this dim new dreaming
ii
curious eyes reach out and
touch ever so slightly front-
most legs with invitation
one rises up to ponder-feel
the alien appendage almost
lost in reflections of meaning
then all at once tear-drop
wings climb up light tan skin
and over thin brown hairs
one walks the other rides
before the floating scrutiny of
a large peculiar gaze
overhead floats a sidewalk
canopy of maples deep green
firs and old black oaks
sign posts and street lamps fade
behind a backyard gate that leads
into a garden where the sound
of city streets is hardly heard
among the many hues of spring
that climb and blossom toward the sun
and here against a beechwood branch
living wings are gently placed
returned to sapwood realms of dream
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience: [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow. This is a pretty cool little poem that you have going on here. I thought that it was pretty neat that it was about bugs. You don't see a whole lot of poems that are entirely about them but I think they're really neat. I liked your format too. All in all I thought you did a great job of expressing yourself.
. Rewarded 6
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Ya I remember being pretty happy about this write. I'm glad you found yourself enjoying it as a reader, and that you were able to grasp the gist of it. Yay!
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I found the first section to move on uncomfortably quickly from each small stanza to the next, but this is probably just my interpretation and reading. The second section flowed beautifully with really intense imagery, it was really visual and I loved the feeling the poem gives of a small haven within a city, that is both a beautiful retreat and a reminder of the ancient forests that preceded the cities of today that have been lost and forgotten by the majority of their bustling populations. You are a very talented poet to convey such complex messages without actually saying them.
. Rewarded 8
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The first segment tries to describe a downtown area from the perspective of a cicada. Of course, not easily done. So it becomes pure metaphor, everything considered in terms of insects and the insect world.
The second segment attempts to combine human and cicada views of the world as they walk together, trying to stay mostly on perspective of the cicada. Of course, cicadas don't read poetry, that we know of, and if they do it's almost certainly not in English.
But the exercise was fun, and helped me find ways of describing things I hadn't yet approached.
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This is really good. I like how you took us from a small perspective and then:
"overhead floats a sidewalk
canopy of maples deep green
firs and old black oaks"
zoom we are thrust into the larger picture. you did this nicely. great write. -
this was a very interesting poem. thank u for writing it.
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Ohhhhhhh. Erin. I love this. I see every little detail and the alliteration is wonderful.
The excellence comes through when the form melts into the simplicity of the reader's comprehension.
I see the free verse has done some sharp turns for you.
I need to re-read due to its differentiation from symmetrical to asymmetrical. I'll be back to suggest or comprehend.
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So I have not been on in awhile and it looks as if I have some catching up to do. Here in this write I find the contrast between what people assume is nature and your perspective on the subject at hand delightful. It takes a gifted poet to help people see that behind all the cement and asphalt in regards to life in the city that there is still nature all around. I believe that is something that we do not see in everyday life and if someone is lucky enough to be able to see beyond that "city" element, most take it for granted. This is one of your better writes in my opinion!
. Rewarded 8
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You provide here a very childlike picture of the city in the eyes of a cicada, and how a beautiful awakening unfolds as it goes back to the woods. I really like the playfulness of this piece, it feels like I'm watching a well-produced (and well-meaning) animation. It's beautiful . And you--rare.
It takes gifted eyes and pure heart to see the beauty in small things, especially those that many would find hard to adore or even just notice. And it takes a really brave and well-meaning poet to give attention to the often forgotten, mostly unnoticed deeper beauties of nature.
Don't run out of this, please.
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I love nature poetry. Gonna add you to my favs and watch you with interest.
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2 cents
Can I take issue with the following stanza?
compound eyes study a world
more strange and alien
than their wide and varied view
Why should the world which it is native to be alien to it?
The format seems long and drawn out to me, perhaps you could consolidate its structure, as I like the verse.
. Rewarded 6
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Well, I didn't see it as being native to the concrete and asphalt of my downtown area. All the descriptions are descriptions of city stuff and people therein--but metaphorized.
Yea maybe it's drawn out. Seems to be a tendency I've developed lately...
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Bugs!
I suppose I need to hold a certain respect for people who are into bugs because I know I could never find myself into such hobbies..lol On the other hand the poem's imagery is to be admired more and your bug loving...
"there is no need for thought
for there is nothing to understand
here of this dim new dreaming"
wonderful..
"of city streets is hardly heard
among the many hues of spring
that climb and blossom toward the sun"
The last line of this one is my favorite..
Great dudeman!
Kay Laon Anders
. Rewarded 8
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