This evenings sun sets on a summer's night.
I lay beneath the bright stars
staring at the sky,
as I float in a soft delicious cloud.
A graceful breeze blows through my hair,
as I take a peek at life,
entertaining my mind with grace,
while soft time patiently floats by
with beauty surrounding me.
A peacefulness invites relaxation.
Serenity holds me captive.
Calm, I surrender to tranquility.
With moon beams glistening,
stars shining brightly,
I stare deeply at their beauty,
seeing beyond their illumination.
I am content....
I long for nothing....
I haven't a care....
I feel so blessed,
for tranquility is my master!
© 2008 Angel's Whispers (All rights reserved)
Thanking you in advance for reading my words and for any comments left. Your time and review is greatly valued. I appreciate your thoughts dearly and I hope you enjoyed the read.
Take care and many blessings to you.
Your friend in poetry.
~Angel~
Author notes
I don't know how to get this printed on a white back ground as required, if anyone knows how to do this please let me know.
I thank you kindly.
~Angel~
Poem of the Week.
My theme is *Tranquility*
*PO' Contest*
RULES* You may NOT use the Filler Words, *of, and, the, that, to*
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended May 19, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
*Criticism is very much welcomed, as I am here to learn.*
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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To be strict.
you end badly.Why?
Think you need more confidence in your write and self.
Your words are beautiful, form and rhyme never wanting
You inspire thoughts in the readers mind.
Improve in that last punch. as you did in mirror.But in the last line in mirror... you lost to put and continue the punch.
Re do the last line with out changing essential words: in confidence of your soul.
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Very nice write, boy this is a tough contest, but we all learn from them. Always love your imagery. Thanks for sharing and good luck
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ckwriter69
Hi Charley, hows it going? hope all is fine with you and that this note greets you with a happy heart.Thanks so much for your thoughts and applause on this write, i appreciate you reading me, your comments always fill my heart with joy.I had a bit of trouble with this one and put in a filler word which was a NO NO !! I went over the write before posting it and it never twigged to me that the filler word was there, I guess i just wasnt concentrating enough, not that anyone could in this house hold at the moment.Both grandkids are sick with the poohs and vomits, and i am so exhausted after the big move, my feet and ankles with the arthritis are killing me also, so i really bummed out with this write lol lol, gotta laugh or i will go insane!!
Take care dear friend and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your loving friend in poetry
~Angel~
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Hi there :)
Only once, did you forget your *Filler Word* Rule ~
2nd L......1st S
*the*
Ummm....ya know, this is a good write, and I liked the Imagery....but as Jamie has mentioned....there is too much of it going on in your write ~
I don't believe I was taken any place out of the ordinary, and your Theme tends to be lacking in Power, Impact and of course Lasting Impression.....
I would not believe it if you were to tell me this is your poem....because...take this as a compliment....I know you can bring more Originality to your work....and to me, this is just ok ~
The Judges gave you a lot to think about....and I hope I have taken your time and at least added something to your knowledge as to what the PO' Contests ar are going to keep looking for.....originality ~
Chosing the right Theme is the biggest challenge......
Good luck and God bless my Friend :)
Bear ~
Title 5.0...in my opinion, it's too common -
Flow 9.25...somewhat surreal -
Depth 6.5...didn't really go any place -
Theme 6.0...unoriginal -
Feelings 5.45
Grammar 5.75...I didn't really see too much originality in grammar -
Presentation 9.8..your Presentation is always nice :)
Uncommonness 5.9...too common -
Sit & Ponder Affect 6.75...not much depth -
Ability to follow Rules 9.9...*the* is used...none others I could see ~
Bears Score: 70.3
Nice job....but I know you can do better :)
Bear ~
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Arkbear
Hello Bear,
I thank you for your honest opinion on my write.As I said,I am hear to learn so I take on board what you, and the other judges say, so as I can improve in my work.I have to admit that this was done in a rush, with screaming grand children around me who have the poohs and vomits..yuck lol! and I am surrounded in boxes as we have just moved house a few days ago,so my mind is still in a whirl,although its no excuse for a poor write I guess.I will take on board what you and the other judges have said and hope to improve.
Thanking you kindly for your time, I appreciate your thoughts and for holding this contest.
Take care bear and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~ -
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Hi Angel ~
A loud house can take its' toll on the brain...hehe.....even if they are sweet grandkids lol ~
I hope you get moved in quickly....and I hope you enjoy your new home....how nice!
Bring your strongest quill with you next time......you will need it!
I have a feeling the talent is going to get much better
Have a wonderful day,
Bear ~
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I find this write simply beautiful ^^
Although, I have to agree that the theme and the title is quite cliche but there are many ways to make the cliche unique; do something extravagant with it and I'm sure you can pull it off
All in all, a decent write and a good luck to you
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PatheticKt
Hi there dear poet,
Thank you so much for your kind words on my write, I appreciate you reading me and for leaving your thoughts and applause.I am pleased that you liked the write.I send to you many beautiful blessings of love and happiness.
Take care dear friend,
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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Welcome to the POW contest.....
Your title is definately the feeling of this poem...maybe a little too much...hard to pull off tranquil AND wow at the same time, lol.
Like the other judges said this was lovely. Your attention to the rules show you as a serious contendor and because of that I assume you will take what you learn (is wanted and whats judged here) and come back with it....the wow, original theme, great title...
Your attention to the rules and your asking for criticism in an attempt to learn (up there, above the review box, lol) says alot. These contests are exactly for people like you....Hope to see you back again!
Best wishes, my final score will come later.
Jamie
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jamiedoring
Hello Jamie.
I hope this note greets you with a happy heart.I thank you for your honest opinion on my write, and for the applause left.As I said,I am hear to learn so I take on board what you, and the other judges say, so as I can improve in my work.
I have to admit that this was done in a rush, with screaming grand children around me who have the poohs and vomits..yuck lol! and I am surrounded in boxes as we have just moved house a few days ago,so my mind is still in a whirl,although its no excuse for a poor write I guess.
I will take on board what you and the other judges have said and hope to improve.
Thanking you kindly for your time, I appreciate your thoughts and for holding this contest.
Take care Jamie, and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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Hi - welcome to the PO...
To get the white background required, go to the lower right hand corner and hit as far over as you can - that did it for me.
Lovely feel to this - peaceful, calm. Howver, it was a fairly common theme, common title - and it lacked the impact and 'wow' factor.
I only counted a couple of the filler words - better than a lot of the other entries - so that shows you did read the rules and made a decent effort.
Best wishes in the contest, and hope to see your lovely talent again in future contests.
My score will come later.
**Remember - no editing once a judge has commented -
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aboomer
Hello aboomer,
Blessings to you dear friend.
I thank you for your honest opinion on my write. As I said,I am hear to learn so I take on board what you, and the other judges say, so as I can improve in my work.
I have to admit that this was done in a rush, with screaming grand children around me who have the poohs and vomits..yuck lol! and I am surrounded in boxes as we have just moved house a few days ago,so my mind is still in a whirl,although its no excuse for a poor write I guess.
I will definately take on board what you and the other judges have said and do my best to improve my work.
I thank you kindly for your time, and I truely appreciate your thoughts and for holding this contest.
Take care my friend and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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lol - I can relate on the boxes as I'm sitting among some too (moved 8 mos. ago, fortunately didn't get all unpacked as I'm moving again in a month or so
), and for me, fortunately, the grandkids are past that stage...lol....
With all that stress around you I can certainly see why you did a write on 'tranquility'...lol...boy, some days that is a nice dream for us, isn't is?
Still, a very lovely write you did and a most enjoyable read.
blessings to you
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Aloha and welcome!!
This is a wonderful poem...and in most contests it would be a contender...and it just may win in this one...you only used one of the filler words once...
which is better than most..and at least you saw you weren't supposed to use them. Your theme is a bit common....If you want to know what they mean by uncommon themes...check out some of the past contests and winners..it will give you an idea of what is expected....depth and imagery are here...but just the edges...if you know what I mean. Great write! I hope to see you and your talents back...
My final scores will come at the end of judging..
Write on!
*PEACE*
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!!
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islekine
Hello islekine.
I hope this note greets you with a happy heart.I thank you for your honest opinion on my write.As I said,I am hear to learn so I take on board what you, and the other judges say, so as I can improve in my work.
I have to admit that this was done in a rush, with screaming grand children around me who have the poohs and vomits..yuck lol! and I am surrounded in boxes as we have just moved house a few days ago,so my mind is still in a whirl,although its no excuse for a poor write I guess.
I will definately take on board what you and the other judges have said and hope to improve on my work.
Thanking you kindly for your time, I do appreciate your thoughts and for holding this contest.
Take care,and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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Such a calm and beautiful poem...often we are in too much of a hurry to appreciate what we have. This poem speaks volumns Good luck in the contest.
ps..to change background colour ...look to the right hand side of your poem for EDIT BACKGROUND, click and then click the box for white background and then click the black box for font...then click submit poem...hope this helps
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cutiepie
Hello cutiepie,
Blessings to you dear poet.I appreciate you taking the time to read my poem, and for leaving your thoughts and applause.I am pleased that you liked the write. Thank you also for letting me know how to change the back ground into a white back ground, i will see if i can do this lol.
Many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Take care,
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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awwww honey this was a beautiful poem written once again by a master of her words. I can't wait to read more of your stuff in the future and tell your husband that I said hello.
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PoeticFlame
Blessings to you dear poet,
I truely thank you for stopping by to read my work, and for leaving such a warm comment on it, I appreciate your time and review, and so pleased that you enjoyed the read.
Take care dear dear friend and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness to you.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel~
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