I.
drafts of long winter
seeping under window sills
blankets piled high
heat from inner fires
filling weary walls with warmth
doors open with care
bright rooms revealing
secrets etched in ancient wood
words whispered linger
subtle wind blowing
sends a moaning soul shifting
rocks bleed into clay
splintered cracks creaking
floodboards show signs of aging
wisdom rings within
II.
old rocking chair sounds
echoing off the porch steps
wind chimes sing sweetly
a cat sleeps in laps
purring up christmas sweaters
knit with loving hands
love spreads easily
over smells of baking bread
hungry hearts filling
a smile spreads across
knowing eyes not dimmed with time
sparkling lullabies
dust now settling
on ancestral memories
photos as keepsakes
Author notes
Prompt: Life As A House
In a list
A contest entry
- "Life As A House" contest by kiwigirljacks & unsigned.. come see!! by kiwigirljacks.
2000 points, ended May 31, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suitable-for-Publishing Poetry Contest. Prewrites welcome. by Expat4Cebu.
500 points, ended May 30, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the best by Kelly2h.
380 points, ended June 7, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best work (Quickie). by jocelynclaire.
300 points, ended June 9, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 89 of 89
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I need to live with you
to recreate these words...
Okay, maybe not.
Here's to a comment with brevity from Jessica (your first one?)
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aww; i love this !and it's so obvious why you have so many reindeer clappies!
so great!!!!!!
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WOW! A truly incredible string of haiku you have here. Such a comforting breeze of wistful thought and memory basked in time's requiem. Nicely done, reminded me of Grandma's house when I was wittle! Excellent piece!!!
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thanks for joining my contest
good luck -
Commented on this one before - loved this and a great golden winner you penned here. WOrks well with the picture.
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I think you've broken a rule here...Haiku's are supposed to stand alone. But!!! Sometimes you just have to break the rules. Excellent piece, (or should I say pieces?) Each one stands on its own, and together they sew a wonderful quilt.
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Wow, you've done a great job. Although some of the haikus lack that 'aha' moment yet the whole picture you've painted i beautiful. I found the second one better than the first one, just coz it realates more to me.
A great job.
good luck
-Neha
. Rewarded 6
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ooo jes. at my "ouma's" house it is also very nice!
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Wonderful poem ...tho not usually my cup of tea (Grandmas been gone too many years).
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Brilliant! never thought or heard of strings of haikus. neat idea! I especially loved "a cat sleeps in laps; purring up christmas sweaters; knit with loving hands" my fav...and the ending is so sweet and a bit sad.
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I agree with Jacks 100%...except for the crying part, I actually found a smile on my lips at the end.
A fine write Weltt from a fine young poet.
Good luck
Simon
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This is an outstanding write!! All the Haikus blend together beautifully painting a picture of your grandmother and her life and her love and your obvious affection for her.
All the imagery is beautifully done and it evokes vivid pictures in my mind of each of those occasions you have described here...
You took me on quite a journey.. and the ending is just wonderful... touched with sadness that time may pass her on but that memories are kept in hearts and keepsakes...
This actually brought a tear to my eye...Thank you for this wonderful entry!
. Rewarded 8
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First time I've ever read any of your poetry, but now I see how you earned so many clappies! You have a wonderful talent and it makes me smile just knowing that you aren't letting it go to waste. Keep up the great work!
--Tim -
Written very wonderful!
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Haikus are something that I have never been able to do well, but this is very well written, very descriptive. Good job!
. Rewarded 4
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these are very nice haikus.
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im sure i commented on this before and i still think its great and very cliver
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I love the way you use your words. I wish I understood how haiku's worked better so I could fully understand the poem
. Rewarded 4
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Wonderful!
I love this poem and the way you responded to the prompt!
lovely line:
"a smile spreads across
knowing eyes not dimmed with time
sparkling lullabies"
This ia absoutly beautiful. Wonderful job, and keep up the amazing work!
. Rewarded 4
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Lovely imagery and a great haiku form in this, good luck in your contests. Love, C
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I love the imagery in this write! It is soo beautiful to see emotion in the rememberance of home or family memebers homes.
Keep up the great penning!!
Cristy -
This is very beautiful and descriptive.
- joanne -
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Very beautiful string of haikus.
Memories of a time that has gone, love remains in a hopeful heart. Nice feelings remembering that sweet home but the end is a little sad. Only dust everywhere.
Nice imageries, very descriptive.
Joy (Gioia) -
Very very good ku's! Images are outstanding overall.
love spreads easily
over smells of baking bread
hungry hearts filling So quaint and easy to feel
Have you read haikumonk? He's amazing an has taught me so much.
:
Congrats on the popular reads!
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Wow, this is brilliant from the prompt of life as a house..I loved the imagery, took me back to being at my nans house, sitting in the sun smelling her baking butterfly cupcakes..Such vivid imagery in your piece..I just loved every word lol
Hope you do well in the contest
you do haiku, so well
Cindy
. Rewarded 6
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Lovely haiku chain and very descriptive. Great memories presented. Good luck in the contest.
Lady Dragonwyck
. Rewarded 4
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This was amazing! Your descriptiveness gave a very real feeling that brought the reader to this house and gave them the inner feelings of it. Wonderful job on this, I really enjoyed reading it!
. Rewarded 4
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nice write
reminds me of my grandparents old farmhouse.
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very beautifully written and superb for the prompt. just seems so perfect for grandmothers house... certainly there is something else there, underneath one of those chairs, well... you do mention secrets... we all have those, is where our treasures lay, have fun in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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This is lovely to read. I especially liked the verses about the rocking chair and the cat.
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This is such a lovely haiku chain...love the imagery
splintered cracks creaking
floodboards show signs of aging
wisdom rings within
This one is my favourite!
. Rewarded 4
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musically sounded. well done, i wish you all the best in the contest(s).
Abby
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wow. haiku chain...pretty funky. the description is pretty damn fine.
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I love the haiku chains. Icould feel the draft from the old house. Your words were so descriptive. I really enjoyed reading this
. Rewarded 4
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Very nice work
This whispered the thoughts of love at its finnest for with love age has no limit
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Wonderful poem, brought back alot of memories. Fantastic job, thank you.
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Nice
Sounds like you put your fondest memories into this string of Haikus. There is a very nostalgic feel to each one of the Haiku's. Wonderful imagery!
. Rewarded 4
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As I wandered around your Grandmother's home, I felt a peace...warm sighs and cosy toes. Delightful, Bravo
. Rewarded 4
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This reminds me of my recently deceased grandmother
Thanks for bringing back nice memories
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Beautiful. I love the imagery and flow of the poem, which is very difficult to do when working with a series of haikus. Your word just is brilliant; each and every word seeps with the love that a grandmother's home can bring out in someone. This was a very, very good piece, one of the best I've read in a while.
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I really enjoyed your carefully chosen words that bring back sweet memories for me. The next to the last stanza read a little awkward in comparison with the rest of the haiku. All in all it is a serene work. Shancy.
. Rewarded 4
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tweaked that last line of the second to last 'ku now. I like it better. thank you for your comment.
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Yeah I know what you're saying about that particular 'ku. I was thinking the same thing when I wrote it. Couldn't think of a good ending line there but when I do I will surely edit it.
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Intriguing
an interesting use of Haiku. Works very well
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applaud this
Very well done, I like this. great imagination
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These were all well done. I love the imagery. You did well with the prompt. May you do well in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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very nice
a very nice write for the prompts . . liked "filling weary walls with warmth" and "secrets etched in ancient wood" . . flows well and gives the reader a great picture . . well done and best of luck in the contests
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, these are the memories we should all cherish. A great write and fantastic imagery
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gooood job!!!!!!!!!
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Talk about painting pictures with words. Your words were vty well written. How wonderful are the memories of long ago.
. Rewarded 4
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Loved it.
Very nice. It brought me straight there. When I read to "Wisdom rings within" my life paused for a second. Thanks for sharing it.
. Rewarded 4
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whispered words lingering on the old rocking chair where love spreads to bring out a smile ....is really nostalgic...my grandma's smell filled my eyes who had every heartbeat with every heartbeat of mine....
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this is well written with some great imagery.
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This is adorable, you've created an ambiance that is reinforced with each succeeding 'ku. My first favorite is the third haiku in close competition with the cat/sweaters and baking bread. This is truly a talented work of art. It also has the benefit of universal appeal. Few houses are more beloved than those of our grandparents. Well done.
. Rewarded 6
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Wow this will surely stir many memories for your readers. A nice way to pen your memories.
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Wonderfully Written !
I really have to say that you have done a wonderful job writing . I love the whole thing which made it hard for me to pick out my favorite words but I finally managed to do so . And these word's are " Old rocking chair sounds echoing off the porch steps wind chimes sing sweetly " Good Luck In The Contest ! Brenda Gae
. Rewarded 6
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This was a feast of Haiku imagery!
well done! well done! wanted to jump in that old chair
and enjoy the view from here!
Smartly written and lovely, lovely poem to enjoy!
ears/Seattle thankyou we all needed this!
spring has been too painfully shy for most of us in
the states! except poor Arizona they're cooking!
. Rewarded 6
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This flows very nicely, the haiku style made it very soothing and beautiful. The poem didn't seem like you tried to force the haiku pattern, which is good. I especially liked the part:
bright rooms revealing
secrets etched in ancient wood
words whispered linger
How beautiful and poetic. Overall, this was a pleasing read. Great job
Keep on writing,
~ Bright Smyles
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Beautiful!!!
I'd never heard of Haiku Strings yet what a beautiful way to play your heart stringed memories, poetically. Picture complements haiku string and haiku string complements picture, purrfectly... -
I particularly like this bit
a cat sleeps in laps
purring up christmas sweaters
knit with loving hands
that's very evocative. lovely. -
'splintered cracks creaking
floodboards show signs of aging
wisdom rings within'
A truly beautiful write from days of memory, nostalgia and keepsakes. Lost days that held hearts together
'love spreads easily
over smells of baking bread
hungry hearts filling'
your choice of form for this, fits it perfectly, each small moment complete in itself.
. Rewarded 6
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A wonderful mooding invoking piece... makes the read sigh and reminisce... most lovely, indeed... bravo... bravo... bravo
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good job
It's very comforting...it gives you being at home or at a log cabin feeling. Creative wording. -
yay haikus i love haikus!!!!!!!!!!!!1
'
wow u wrote this reallly well -
Awesome
A very apt word to describe these haikus of one poem-
you made me feel as if a woman such as your grandma is/was
worth knowing-The poem made me feel as if i was playing a mandolin in a wooded glen embedded with
minute amethysts-Regards-This poem was ethereal yet at
the same time very real-Regards once more
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I don't know whether each stanza could stand up as a haiku on its own, but the overall effect is of a very pleasing poem. I hope it does well for you in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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Lovely vignettes of times spent here - of love for a woman with wisdom and age, and of family gatherings and memories. Easy to read collection.
. Rewarded 4
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This awesome. I could feel your grandmother, the house and the family who loved. I love haiku and these are great. Good luck in the contest. Blessings. Debby
. Rewarded 4
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lovely poem. Reminds me of this wonderful old lady who lived 2 houses down from us when I was about 5. & years later she passed away and her house was torn down...by hand. it was cool to watch the dismantling process but also sad at the same time.
Thanks for sharing
Erik
. Rewarded 6
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- i loved the picture you used at the top
- i found the poem(s) charming, soothing and nostalgic.
- i don't have much experience writing haikus, but
- i enjoyed reading yours.
- take care!
. Rewarded 4
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Nice!
I liked this a lot! You used a lot of excellent imagery that engaged all the senses, all while staying true to the form. I'm not exactly sure why it was broken into two sections, however; was it to illustrate passage of time? Also, I think you can replace some of the vaguer words and phrases with even more vivid and colorful ones, i.e. "love spreads easily" and "beauty of a soul", which are especially important because they are ends of stanzas, and thus should be the most powerful lines. In most of the poem, however, you accomplish this tasks marvelously.
. Rewarded 8
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You have told a whole story here, both creatively and detailed. I love the feeling, emotions and imagery within each Haiku ~ it flows well together and almost sings in a soft lullaby. It's simple beautiful and such a pleasure to read... x Many blessings, Lavender Butterfly.
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Excellent poem
I can see you were writing from the heart in this poem it touched me as i read the poem the start of the poem was well thought out before you put it on your poem list.
. Rewarded 4
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Great job. Haiku is not an easy form. You have woven a long poem from several. Best of luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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Good poetry
A very insightful, enlightening poem. inspirational words delivered in comforting warmth. There was no error. No typos. Nothing to change. I look forward to your next write
. Rewarded 4
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these haiku strings really pull mine lol, its so great to feel the warmth of loved ones and the great feelings of nostalgia that go with the loved ones
great writing,
jezz
. Rewarded 4
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Unique
I enjoy haiku poems, and this collection is very sweet...I like the overall theme, exceptional haiku writing, well done
. Rewarded 4
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This is truly a warm cozy piece, stirring up the senses to produce those sounds and scents from all our memory banks. Lovely.
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