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When Sweet Adoration Falters

when sweet adoration falters
time burdens
something like madness ensues
emotions claw and scrape and tear
like some reptile hatchling
emerging into uncertainty
reluctant to be

it feels like dying
tastes like spoiled fruit
looks like a train wreck
smells like…you
all I can smell is you
you are that deep within me

and time wounded inches along
loathing and lamentation
all I know
hating everything
hating you
hating me

I mourn the death of us
constantly
constantly

and time mending limps along
what’s left washes
comes in on the tide
awakes to sparkling beaches
marooned
alive

and time finds fresh legs
a sometimes companion
visits intermittently
something seeming strange
long forgotten
joy

and time marches on indifferent
and we must make our own way
because this is life

indifferent

Author notes

I don't know about this title, any thoughts?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Man of Harlech silver member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Hey man, good poem with some brave insights. Please correct spelling of "beeches." I believe you want "beaches."

    • zigdaddy silver member
      May 23
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks a ton...I have been trying to focus on your writing, but life duties have been keeping me from my keyboard. Hope to do some reading this weekend. Adieu.

  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    This poem rings very true to me as I am personally in the midst of a dying marriage. I am torn on a daily basis between infernal sadness for the past and excited readiness for the future and so this touched a very personal place for me.

    I like the last two words of the poem for a title: Life Indifferent but that's only a small humble suggestion.

    . Rewarded 6


  • Undying-Heartbeat
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    Your write is very interesting! I like the feel that I get from this poem. Great write!!
    Mm, I think your title is fine "Loss and Living"...but if you wanted a change, maybe you could go with the word that I like that you used "Indifferent"...or maybe somthing like "Living in the Loss" ? I'm not one for spitting out great titles- that is always my biggest problem with my poetry.

    . Rewarded 8


    • zigdaddy silver member
      May 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I will definitely consider these suggestions. I am usually very good with title, I think, but just couldn't pin this one down.
1 - 5 of 5