Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

On The Beach

Slap-flap of canvas windbreak.
Sunlight seen
through closed eyelids – distant shouts
of waist-deep waders in the swell
and shingle rattling backwash of slow waves.

Sudden shadows quickly passing
scattering sand against my hand –
thud of bare feet - children running
past and down the crowded slope to tease the sea.

Warm smell of sun oil.
Basted bodies browning
under the grilling sky.
And I,
behind closed eyelids dreaming of other Summers.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent imagery as well as metaphoric content are abundant in this well-written composition.
    Congratulations on the awards!


  • InkHeart
    September 19
    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous. This poem is electric with imagery and emotion...fabulously written!


  • RiNgMaSt3r
    September 19
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! i loved this! IT WAS AMAZING! thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • sora.
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    mmm i can almost smell the ocean.
    =]
    this plays on almost all the senses.
    brilliant.
    good luck!
    =D

  • Erotik Rose silver member
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    I can smell the suntan lotion now.. thank you for entering and good luck.

  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    A very well written poem of time spent at the beach.
    your description was very real I could just feel the splatter from the waves. and oh yes a good place just to close your eyes and reminiss of other summers.
    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.

  • Converse Queen
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem. Thought it is sort of jumping from thing to thing abruptly. You go from talking about the sea one stanza to tanning the following stanza. More smoothly I would suggest. I wish you the best of luck though with this contest.
    Blood Princess

  • azlyn gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery and feeling in this. I could almost hear the sounds! Thanks for the entry!



    Az

  • DavidTennantRocks silver member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is an awesome poem. My sister used to lay out to get a tan. But she doesn't do that anymore. I really liked reading your memories. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.

  • xFeatherLettersx
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    This poem brings me right back to the beautiful beach. I love how you covered all the senses; sight, sound, touch, smell (well just not taste) really good write

  • Ryno silver member
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    This piece had some very strong imagery that really placed me in the beach by applying to each of my sense - so it was very inspirational because I felt I was in that time in place.

    My only suggestion is that I thought this one lacked emotion until the last line - you could've shared more happiness, more sadness, more stregnth, etc. The ending just gave us the raw feeling of dwelling in the past. Cool, though.

    Thanks for your entry

  • Sagerider
    May 22

    Edit | Reply

    Great work Jimmy

    It brings a lot of old memories to my mind of summer outing with my parents and family. I enjoyed it.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    very well written and an excellent description of a fun day at the beach.
    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
1 - 13 of 13