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[ i remember ]

Missing image
the sun bellowed out gleaming rays
the water reflected it proudly
bobbing up and over waves
yet still she was screaming loudly

as i was running down towards her
the sand was warm in between my toes
i licked my lips and put on more speed
the salt was itching at my nose

the water crashed with loud, repetitive “b o o m s”
i laughed merrily as i bounded to her
i hit the water with an enormous “s p l a s h”
and soon we were twenty feet from where we were

the surfboard slapped the water hard
we were like little bugs dancing across a lake
and still we pressed on, having fun
laughing with more breath than we could take

it was my first time, and it was hers too
we were so excited we stayed out all day
sun up to sun down, but then it got cold
and with the warmth, the happiness went away

that night we partied with smiles and grins
there was never a wish better than this
i dream i could go back, yet see it in my future
yes, my first time surfing i’ll always miss

Author notes

For L.A.
Think it's good enough??

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • celadia gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    It's very much 'good enough' it's a lot better than many on this site. i like the images it stirs up, of fun and abandon of youth, it's so well done there is little to improve.
  • DonutNinja
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    this was good

    I think this is a bit child-like.But since your so young I wouldnt worry.I think your good for your age.You seem to have a talent for descriptive and poetic writing.good job.keep writing


    Donutninja

    • GiftedPsychosis gold member
      July 7
      Edit | Reply
      I was actually trying to make it a bit child-like. Almost like someone young had written it. It was for my English class, a poetry project, and I was experimenting. Glad you liked it [[or at least thought it was good]].

  • PoeticLove
    June 27

    Edit | Reply

    Liked very much

    The imagery was there. you walked and splashed us through your first time surfing, really good visualation. great job. I loved this one


  • The Luna Diviner
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome and Amazing


  • Lowercase Prelude gold member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    very descriptive, full of imagery
    i like how you wrote this. like everything wasn't hinted at, and then on the last line you revealed it was about surfing. well penned.

  • Tide
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    wooohooooo!
    Yours is really good
    at least yours really dipicts a memory...a happy one too
    Most peoples I remember poem was meaningless and had nothing to do with really anything
    Yours is amazing
    Nice rhyming
    woooot


  • Innocent Evil
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    I think its great for LA you get an A!!


  • Akarian silver member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Love it! Really good immagry and all that jazz. =P

    Really though, you are an awesome writer and this is a really good piece you have penned up.


  • Madison OBoyle
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    Really good. If there's a contest I'm sure you'll win.


  • ATaintedRosesWrath
    May 22
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful

    whos it about?
1 - 18 of 18