The garden curled around us as we sat beneath the stars,
In the silver shine of Venus and the rust red glow of Mars.
The brandy was between us and we toasted life and love,
While the moon conducted music from the dark green leaves above.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
Vintage brandy in the bottle seemed to ask us both to drink
And the flowers that were watching clearly knew what they should think.
Then your glass was finally empty and you laid it to one side
While you closed your eyes and kissed me and the barn owl tried to hide.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
There was silence in my city as your lips were joined to mine
And I tasted all of heaven and a little brandy wine.
As our bodies settled closer and we melted into one
With embarrassed little giggles that were sure to signal fun.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
So we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed
Then we walked along the garden path, my shoulder 'neath your head.
We pulled each other closer and we whispered with our hands
That tonight is all that matters and the whole world understands.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
Author notes
A couple of people have commented on the meter of the penultimate line of each stanza, normally I would look for a word that works well for everyone but I am very fond of the refrain here so I'll add a pronunciation guide, I say "diff' rent ly" 3 syllables not diff-er-ent-ly 4. I hope that helps.
A contest entry
- Love Poems! by Lost Indigo Kitty.
1400 points, ended July 20, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites [Love Poems] Enter now! by perfectsunset.
475 points, ended August 17, 62 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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I LOVED this. SO beautiful the meaning, imagery, passion instilling and romance. From beginning to end, this left me breathless. Your metaphors were amazing too. Brilliant write!!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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This is amazingly beautiful! Full of sentiment and remembrance of an evening well spent. I love the line you are repeating at the end of each stanza! Lovely!
" In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me."
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Truly classic. Loved the lines "And I tasted all of heaven and a little brandy wine" also "so we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed". It shows the power we feel when such love runs through our mortal bodies. This truly one of my favorites, it imagery and flow is beautiful for lack of a better word.
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I see why you won the gold...this poem really deserved it! Exellent, spicily romantic!***Pam***
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This is so beautiful. It has a soft romantic feel to the entire piece. "There is only you and me," and that's all that matters. I will come back to this poem again even in the 'cold grey light of morning. Wonderful job.
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Beautifully written!
I would have had no problem with the meter because that is the way I already pronounced "differently." Personally, I think that it is a very lovely and poignant poem, As the pronunciation of words changes with the times, I feel that we should do the same. Thanks for this wonderful poem.
Love's expression does change over time as well, but the love will always linger on in our hearts. ~ Joyce
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Congratulations!
You certainly deserved the gold for this poem. It is a delight.
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Perfectly delightful ...
and since your cheering section agrees, that's enough said.
Congrats on the Gold trophy too.
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Very lovely.
Put the stars to bed, hmmm, that is absolutely gorgeous. -
woah, this was very long for my short intention span but nice write
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:)
Very nice! i love it!
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What a beautiful piece bursting with love. Splendid write!
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Perfection!
I have tried a few times to right poetry on love and romance however have always failed miserably! This in my eyes is perfection! I can imagine myself in this magical garden, although I would replace the brandy with a nice bottle of wine
Superb!
Take care
Hayley x
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I'm sighing, who cares that the light of Venus and Mars aren't enough to do anything by!
So much romance in one piece of writing.
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You are a master.
Loads of well bread romance expressed and the refrain evokes a sophisticated attitude in your mannered poem. I learn from reading your work
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Thank-you, you are much too kind. However if you enjoy my poetry I am thrilled.
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I love this and to me the rhyme and flow is great,
I do not claim to understand everything, but I think
you have done a wonderful job here.
Riftkin
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Main Entry: dif·fer·ent·ly
Pronunciation: \ˈdi-fərnt-lē,
That is the pronunciation Mr Jeff. There is such a thing called Google that tells you these things. I know you are too old to know it, but if you ask someone young they can teach you to use it.
For what it is, this is a decent rhyme, and a well constructed poem. Have some bunnies.
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Wow Casanova!
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Thank-you!
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'So we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed
Then we walked along the garden path, my shoulder 'neath your head
So we gathered the glasses and put the stars to bed..I like this line. Nice touch to the whole poem!! Best wishes in this contest ~Sie
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Owdo Jeff nice poem, now where's the one you want me to applaud?
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I sigh beneath the stars
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Sod the cold grey light of morning I want you now!!!
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Great Poem
I liked the point to this poem. To me this poem has alot of meaning and is close to how i feel when im with the person that i care about the most.
yay me
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What a pleasure to read a deeply emotive and romantic poem. It makes the soul tangible. As I read it pulls the heart and the soul into one, leaving me to believe that the swelling of emotion pushed the pen. At least that is how it feels when reading. Wonderfully flawless!
Best of luck in the contest
Michelle
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It's refreshing to see great flow like this, you scarcely see any on allpoetry. Most poems on here are just awkward. And I have to admit when you tooted your horn with claims that you have natural flow I had to roll my eyes, but it seems you were actually correct good sir (= bravo.
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a beautiful, flowing rhyme of words..pleasure to read.
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This poem is so worthy of publication. The wonder in these words leaves a warming impression in my spirit.
The meter, perfect, the rhyme, perfect. What a wondrous work of poetry, and show of talent!
I am in awe!
I wish you all the best in the challenge!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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the rhyming scheme is very carefully constructed. Each syllable manufactured. Its a very beautiful piece, strangly written, using ideas that represent your inependence, which I like.
Thank you
. Rewarded 4
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Oh how soft and sweet the lullaby of love is. This is just beautiful in form and function. As I read it ....
the next to the last line in each verse had the only break in rhythm that I noticed. Other than that I believe you have a classic on your hand and perhaps a trophy.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. I appreciate it very much.
. Rewarded 6
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sorry? which line is broken?
I'll see if it is fixable.
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Another Stunner!
You've done it again Jeff! And if I say it has echoes of Auden and MacNeice, it's a rare compliment and takes nothing away from this delightful piece.
. Rewarded 4
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I'll take comparison with those two any day!
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You my dear friend are a master of meter. This poem is stunning! Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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from a Queen of the art that is a tribute!
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Wow! Now that's romantic...wish you would have entered this is my contest I had to bring back romance!
Always a beautiful picture you make! Love the repeat of the last lines...
"In the cold grey light of morning we may think things differently, In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me"
This whole poem was ozzing with romance!
thanks for such a great feeling!!
darlintlc
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I like the way you "put the stars to bed"
Great rhyme as always and a poem full of love and feeling with a hint of humour showing through. Well done.
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Nice flow but I don't know if the first line in the second verse is missing a 'seemed TO ask us both to drink'-I may be getting above myself here!!!
xxx
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Thanks a lot fixed now
Never worry about getting above yourself, read my poetry and look for the errors, if you can spot them in any poetry you can spot them in your own.
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Beautiful...that's all I can say
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Is this a sonnet jeff..or some other form ?
it flowed, read so well
I love how you painted out your picture...the garden and the love..
I will mke sure to check in again before judging
but love where it is at
Thank you
Cindy
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It isn't a "form" as such, that is nothing with its own name just what I love writing the most. A nice regular rhythm that makes me feel good even before the words fit in it
Thank-you for the very kind comment. -
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well no form..means your rhythm is just even more brilliant to come so naturally from you
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I guess it would probably be called a song, but whatever it is called, reading it makes me smile.
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It isn't bad so far, bro!
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well done on this one honey. You and me, always
Love you
Passions
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