One skip,
two skips,
three skips,
four,
Trip
I fall over a rock
And oh how my knee bleeds
Where's mommy?
Daddy?
...to come help me?
Stained is the cement
Five skips,
Six skips,
seven skips
eight,
Mommy and Daddy's mad
They beat me up, I bruise
Where's that mommy?
That daddy?
.....who kisses my boo boo's?
Faint discolored skin stays
Nine skips,
ten skips,
eleven skips
twelve
Smoking a cigarette
An offering to fit in
Where's my mom?
And my dad?
...to stop me from doing this?
Lungs inhale deteriorating gas
Thirteen skips,
fourteen skips,
fifteen skips,
sixteen
Falling into a chaos
A pain from the blade
Where's mommy dearest?
and Daddy that I love?
...that will stop me from losing myself?
Faint I fall down on cold marble
Seventeen skips,
eighteen skips,
nineteen skips,
twenty,
Crying, mascara stained cheeks
Bottles surround me in a corner
Where's mommy who loves me?
and daddy that adores me so?
...to tell me that I'm not alone?
hurt, brokenhearted more then once
Twenty-one skips,
twenty-two skips,
twenty-three skips,
twenty-four skips,
twenty-five skips,
twenty-six skips,
twenty-seven skips,
twenty-eight skips,
twenty-nine skips,
thirty,
Cool lusting metal in my hand
Click! goes off a sound across the seas
Where are they?
Where are my parents?
Where's is mommy?
Daddy?
....to stop me from delivering the final blow?
Falling,
Flashes through my mind a film of the past,
Oblivion...
Author notes
One more life lost so fast,
Because of an unloving home,
An endangering habitat,
Someone is gone like that.
Just a Message to parents to love their children and show it thru whatever their children is and might be going thru and if you are already a parent who does that well congradulations.
oh and the skips represent the game hopscotch
~*Silky~~*
Love it? hate it? Tell me what ya like and what ya don't....
Comments
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Hopscotch? Ok. Well, what it represents I cannot mock nor would I wish to. I fail to see the need of the ellipsis in every line after mother, father? Is it a lengthening tool? If so I really detest lengthening via unnecessary things, it really grates on me. It would have been better if you'd placed another section in the twenties of the skips, it would have made it flow better in my own personal opinion. All that said, in overview an enjoyable read conveying an honest and true message on something that strikes a real cord with many people, well done. I'll be sure to keep an eye on you're work as I see great potential for future improvement.
Alara
p.s It'd be nice to see your thoughts on my work, give and take and such like
.
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wow this was deeply heartfelt. So sad but true so many unloving parents out there at a point in time where there kids need the attention they deserve. great write
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This is really sad... were the skips each marking a year that went by? I loved how the story progressed so easily and how much feeling of lonleyness and abandonment that you put into this
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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