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The moon’s breath
Casts silhouettes of death
Upon earth’s soil
The scent of crucifixion
Lingers upon her soul
Making even the gods tremble
Can you smell the chaos?
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Author notes
Picture credit: http://analyser.deviantart.com/art/Outside-10113278
Word count: 28
Background made using that picture in Photoshop CS by myself.
Poem is not personal, just an entry in the contest. Tried to write something a little different than I'm use to... hope it isn't too terrible
"I am wonderful"
A contest entry
- Quickie... PIF (dark) by Angelflower.
839 points, ended June 1, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite only by kitty23.
470 points, ended June 6, 70 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two Year Celebration by Hekate.
1800 points, ended June 9, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark beauty by Abariel Raven.
600 points, ended July 2, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your personal best by indomitable.
600 points, ended July 7, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Mhmmm
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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The moon’s breath
Casts silhouettes of death
Upon earth’s soil, very good opening lines, in my opinion that was all that was needed ! lol
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loved the first and second lines that rhymed... not bad rhyming intentional or not.
Gold and a honorable winner not bad, not bad at all. You very much deserve the trophies, for this is just spectacular.
blessed be
♥ Blanche
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mmm, this is nice. very short, but well written. i love the form of it, and the lovely background and picture set it off nicely. ive always found it hard to identify well with shorter poems, a short comming of my own, for this is certainly very good. i just tend to prefer long ones, gives my mind time to steep itself in the thoughts of another.
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Very thought provoking. I really like this poem only thing is I am not sure you read the rules for there is something that was suppose to go in the AN. "I am wonderful" is what is suppose to be there. Thank you for the write I did enjoy it and good luck in my contest
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It is in my author's notes. Maybe you just looked over it too fast.. but it has been there since before I submitted my entry.
Thanks for reading
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Thank you for pointing that out
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No problem I put it at the bottom of my author's notes, possibly in a place that isn't super noticeable. Thanks for hosting
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you are hot so is you poem w/b
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This is really wonderful! I read it over and over.
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Wow!!! I love how the first two lines rhymed and the rest didn't; it starts off the poem well. I love the whole format of this poem, and the last line was just brilliant.
Congrats on the trophies, this really deserved it.
~Cassie
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Cassie, I didn't even notice the first two lines rhyming until you mentioned it
But glad you liked it. Thanks for the comment and clappies!
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no problem!
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nice very nice
i love the background
I loved all of it thank you for entering
keep up the great work
Kitty23 -
You hope it wasn't too terrible?? There wasn't a terrible part to this poem! It was GREAT!!! I loved it...even in its short length it wasn't simple, it was...well great lol. My favorite part was that line, "Making even the gods tremble.." It has a kind of seductive feel to it, yet it makes you want to fear it at the same time. good write =)
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Thank you for the vote of confidence! Always nice to know that someone out there enjoyed reading it. Sometimes I'm a little too critical of my poetry
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woah, this is awesome! You've managed to say so much and paint an awesome picture, with so few words, it's beautiful. A well deserved Gold my friend.
Blessings,
~Michaela~
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Thanks, Michaela! Glad you liked it
--Tim
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PERFECT GOLD!
Congratulations, Tim! You deserved this trophy OVER and OVER. What a deep and brilliant piece of poetry. Well done.
Love
Myra
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Why thank you, means so much to me that you liked my poem so much. Hope all is well with you
--Tim
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i really like this and it really isn't terrible.and don't dought yourself people like to believe that poetry is as beatiful as the person who maid it dought takes away from that.
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Appreciation!
Thanks for this wonderful contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list, and congrats on the gold
~Lilac
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Well done!
Got the gold! You made my friend feel and sometimes that is difficult. Look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
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The difficult part in this poem was making it so short, making it have a meaning, and pack a punch. Glad you liked it
--Tim
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Great imagery and turn of phrases. Good ending question, making the reader ponder the poem and search for an answer. Well done.
congrats on the gold trophy. Thanks for sharing.
Bandits Rock! 
Dennis 
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Thank you, Dennis!! I didn't think I was going to get the gold, but guess I did.
Going to post a new contest once I'm all done with this picture I've been working on for 10 hours now.
--Tim
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A short poem, but one full of powerful imagery, nevertheless.
A wonderful job, and a well-deserved gold, my friend.
All the best- -
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Thank you very much
--Tim
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Pretty good stuf...
I saw we both took the darker route here..
Nice write..
I look forward to writing with you in the future..
Simon -
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Definitely stopping by to read your poem right after this. Thanks for the comment, Simon!
--Tim
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That moon was very ominous for me as well. I love your take on the picture. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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I wrote about 20 different versions of this poem until I came up with this. Guess I came up with the best I could, lol thanks for the comment, dark!!
--Tim
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This was wonderful! the imagery was really vivid and this was very tragic in manys ways.. at least to me that is ..lol.. thanks for sharing..
Best of luck..
Angel
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Thank you, Angel <33
--Tim
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Ah..what a flow of your immagery summerizing the whonlenss around the creation with in few words..I love this wonderful attempt..well done....
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Thank you, dear poet Your comment is appreciated
--Tim
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**Like it
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Wow... I lik
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Wow... I lik
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Ooh, this made me squirm in my seat (which is a good thing!). Dark indeed. I love that last line! Fantastic way to end it. Well done.
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Why thank you Luck-of-the-Lamp! What kind words you had to say about my poem. Very much appreciated. And I'm glad you liked the last line seeing as I struggled with that most Thanks again!
--Tim
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BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!
loved it ..piercing, bold, and a feast to the poetic
senses!
well done dear poet....way to write!
and thankyou, this was delicious!
ears/Seattle pat yourself on the back!
you visually touched all our senses completely!
this what my gravestone to be...with a sensor on it,
so the music starts when you get close!
startling their souls!
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you very much for your comment!
--Tim
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Ok. I've read and brought into my mind the purposes. Let me seethe and get back to you. This is saying sooooooo much! Whew!
Very strong.
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Thank you Cookie Glad you liked it I appreciate you taking the time to comment
--Tim
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AWESOME
intriguing.
short and sweet.
well spoken.
the form, and the picture was wonderful.
well written.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you Your comment is very much appreciated
--Tim
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Hmm..
I like the last line
and you shouldn't change it to "And slowly the ecstatsy fades..."
because I honestly think that it wouldn't go with the flow.
♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
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Alright thank ya
--Tim
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I love it - especially the last line. It brings together the imagery and makes the sensual appeal complete.
Wonderfully done....
- joanne -
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Coming from you, Joanne, that means the world to me I'm playing with the idea of changing the last line, but we'll see
--Tim
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Excellent imagery! I really like how it can be taken a couple of different ways: she is either a predator, or the prey. The only part I'm not sure about is the last line. The poem tells an intriguing tale in conjunction with the pic, but the last line doesn't quite fit with the rest of the piece. Perhaps it's the word "chaos", but I'm not sure. For using an unfamiliar style, it flows very smoothly for the most part, without the hesitation that can accompany the trying of something new.
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Thanks for your read! Your comment is really, really appreciated.
As for an explanation for the last line, I talk about the smell in the picture and the havoc of death. The picture looks serene and cool, so I wanted to put a spin on it by looking at the chaotic side of it. Make sense? -
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Yeah, I can see that.
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Alright so you think I should leave it or make it something else?
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I think that for the brevity of the poem, the last line is too jarring, but that's just my thought on it. I can see that you are constrained by contest requirements, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. The host may completely disagree with my thought on it. Truly, it is excellent otherwise.
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