City streets all crowded,
footsteps echo rubber-metal soles like an
industrial lullaby.
Loft window holds common secrets,
undeserving of notice.
Same old, same old petty songs,
false sentiments uttered to elevate your rank.
[From innocent to something corporate to office slut.]
It's been raining all day.
Car tailights flutter synthetic
butterflies in the distance.
Digital alarm clock bullies you into
losing sleep. Again.
Subway earthquakes scramble emotions
as you lose your train of thought.
Pavement bedtime stories rarely
end with happy ever after.
The dreamers were wrong;
we never are really sleeping.
A contest entry
- Cityscape - Los Angeles by Highwaytraveller.
375 points, ended September 3, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
........
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I agree totally with the contest holder, that last stanza just reaches out and grabs you. Very well done and best of luck...Scott
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Pavement bedtime stories rarely
end with happy ever after.
The dreamers were wrong;
we never are really sleeping.
wow...you out this so well...it's almost sad, really...
i've always had the 'LA dream' driving my life, so I don't entirely agree with this poem, but I understand your point of view, and i sure like the way you put it...
those last lines are so amazing...i can't get them out of my mind...they make me want to cry almost...
Thank you for your entry. -
This was interesting...the way you can loose yourself or your emotions within all the drama and chaos....like living in a hectic city. (LA or NYC)
Lovely use of imagery...I don't but I felt like I just understood where you are coming from
Nice job and thanks for the entry and sorry for the delay response
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Subway earthquakes scramble emotions
as you lose your train of thought.
-fantastic! I really enjoyed this- it feels broken and bleak which is what i think you intended. I thought the fragmented rythme very much captured the emotion. so in my opinion this isn't off at all. just honest and flawed but in the best possible way. don't change a thing!
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Nice, like the part about the office slut...our school has many of those *rolls eyes* so yeah, hope you do well on the contest, and again congrats on the principle choice thingy
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we never are really sleeping. or we this is nothing sis that line its like a soul of its own thauoghts that you cant get red of i have all was thought this thanks 4 saying it anbd get ing the way some feel out there
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The imagery was lovely, and I loved the way you mixed the industrial with the beautiful with "car tailights flutter synthetic/ butterflies" and "Parvement bedtime stories." Great poem... I'll have to read some of your other works. ^.^
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I can see what you mean... It feels stressed... meaning just the way you write and the words.. It is not a bad poem. Rather, I enjoyed it thoroughly. You just portray such a deep thought process. Your emotions feel stressed.. is everything OK, my Kuma??
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i honestly don't know.
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to me this seems a bit off. this isn't like you. this seems a bit forced to me.. not saying I don't like, just needs a bit more work.. try relaxing a bit.. My dear daughter is everything alright?
mommy loves you a lot
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