In photographs
her eyes invite
prisms to bend
imprisoned light,
glistening across
seductive skies
as forsaken dewdrops
courting kites
in royal wonderlands of night
the song of her soul
spills sonnets,
hummed across
a keyboard of thoughts
as a drugged high
in my wired mind;
synapses shoot adrenaline
dancing sensory
in double time
but all this is as silt
eroded away from decaying roots
and weathered veins,
for as you wove love
each stitch bled me
entombing trust as misery
but I'm breaking threads
and reworking seams
leaving behind these dying dreams...
Author notes
Option: Blender
I combined options 1,3,4, and 5
Pic Credit:
http://hellwoman.deviantart.com/art/Ewelin-69070289
In a list
A contest entry
- Options for your dark muse by notorious.
300 points, ended June 13, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Beautiful and sad. Been there. ***Pam***
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Awesome piece you put together
for this contest. Congratulations
on this well deserved trophy!
Thanks a lot for sharing it with
us all here and keep up the wonderful
work!
Jeremy0826 -
sad the syntax of unraveled love,
it hurts when it heals over
and scar throbs memory
for slivers of silver
hardened minds and softer skin
when I wore you like a badge
of courage... C
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Very much, Gold worthy...this blends in so many emotions, drawing the reader into each line...it all had such a melodic flow. I tried to think which lines stood out the most, but it all was so superb, that I just couldn't, but the last stanza was a perfect ending to this piece...thank you for sharing this masterpiece...
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Fantastic write! Great imagery! Congratulations on the Gold.
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Wow. Just wow. I love the picture and the way the poem matched with it. Stunning imagery and a gorgeous write, the italics worked well all the way through. This trophy was well-deserved.
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just wow. i love this so much the way you captured the picture, its stunning and emotional. you have used metaphors imagery and emotion t add life to the picture as well as emphasize what it could showamazing well done
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I love this sooo much and the picture is really nice to, Ithink I love most was the ending
"but I'm breaking threads
and reworking seams
leaving behind these dying dreams..."
It's beautiful, Just so beautiful
. Rewarded 4
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That picture is simply stunning, as is this poem...
"the song of her soul
spills sonnets,"
I really like the alliteration in those two lines, and the words you used in the last stanza as well.
Congrats on the gold trophy
- Jojo x sinnocence -
Just wanted to let you know this poem was chosen to be spotlighted in our group - Today's Poem. Congrats!
Great write!
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I was wondering where all the comments were coming from and I am very honored to be chosen!! Thank you very much and glad you all enjoyed it!
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wow amazing pic, amazing take
well done on the gold!!!
Tasha
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great flow
an excellent job in combining all the options in the contest. the imagery flowed. congrats on the gold.
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WOW!!!!! this is fantastic.
Such fast yet elegant flow.
Well deserveing of the beautiful golden Beauty.
Delila
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This is just incredible!!! Amazing depth and thoughtfully abstract flow throughout. Beautifully sad and wonderfully intriguing. Very well penned!
"for as you wove love
each stitch bled me
entombing trust as misery"
I LOVE these lines...
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Deep and mysterious in a sense. Very well written.
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I love the wonderful imagery and flow of this. You weave such a richly textured fabric here. I love poems like this that captivate me with such imagery. Oh, that I could write like this *sigh*
Great work!
. Rewarded 4
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Nice imagery. I liked this alot. It is a beautiful picture that goes with a beautiful picture prompt.
. Rewarded 4
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This was amazing. The words were absolutely stunning and perfect, and everything about this poem was beautiful. I must say I definitely love the incredible descriptions and imagery in this piece.
"for as you wove love
each stitch bled me
entombing trust as misery"
Definitely my favorite lines. There's so much pain lingering behind each of those lines, and they show :]
Good luck in that contest !
. Rewarded 8
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entombing trust as misery
but I'm breaking threads
and reworking seams
leaving behind these dying dreams... Killer stanza! -
"for as you wove love
each stitch bled me"
Killer and very expressive line. It speaks to me of the pain that only true love can bring. Excellent!!!
. Rewarded 4
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OK you completely took my breath away once again.. this has got to be one of my FAVES of yours, though they are all; this one sets the bar! I loved it.. omg loaded with exploding imagery in EVERY SINGLE LINE. I'm telling you, better win gold cause you'd win it if I was holding the contest. You didn't mix not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 options!! & blended them so beautifully and brilliantly. Perfection in a box... well.. invisible box
HEHE.
Best of luck
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Perfection. Deep and rich with perfect flow. Beautiful and bittersweet. Absolutely awesome writing. d
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Oh yeah, and please please PLEASE MAKE 'im' into 'I'm'...I know you're not into punctuation/grammar...but it really bothers me in a pretty much awesome as hell poem...
I just...need my apostrophe, you know?
Thanks for understanding my anal retentiveness vis a vis your poem. -
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Corrected "I'm" for ya. That's one I always hate most. Stands out like a sore thumb to me with it's capitalization midsentence and the apostrophe, but I did it just for you
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I'm very touched and gratified.
My anal retentiveness can rest its soul!!
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Wow--so much thought was used to construct this amazing write...in the word bank option, you don't seem to have used all the words...I'll let it pass though because this is awesome. Who said judges were uptight?! =]
"In photographs
her eyes invite
prisms to bend
imprisoned light,"
You are too clever--you're talking about the photograph quite literally and what you say is really true--her eyes are the most expressionistic part of that photo. The way you put it sounds either like a seductress or a damsel in distress...or something I'm missing here.
"forsaken dewdrops
courting kites
in royal wonderlands of night"
So much unique imagery here culminate. I think 'courting' is supposed to be 'court' here if you read it in your head a few times...Please tell me if/when you change this and why/why not. =]
"spills sonnets"
Referencing poetry in a poem...clever.
"hummed across a keyboard of thoughts"
Wonderful includion of the phrase--if it hadn't been part of the phrase bank, it would've sounded natural.
The last stanza is very cohesive in its themes. Great entry and thanks for entering by my request Weltt. =]
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As for the "courting"
I read this a few more times through to make sure it still is sitting right in my head and it is. I think I'm going to leave it like that and this is why.
glistening across seductive skies
as forsaken dewdrops courting kites
in royal wonderlands of night
Maybe it reads like I'm intending if I show it to you like that. I'm trying to describe what her eyes are, not what they are doing. They are dewdrops courting kites in the night sky. Think of the first line as the verb if you will and the second and third as the adjective.
I hope that makes sense to you. If it does not let me know and I will try to explain further.
Oh and I had fall in there to begin with but after editing this a dozen times I couldn't find a home for it that didn't feel out of place.
Thank you for you in depth comments as always and advice for improvements.
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Great Job!
I think you have some wonderful word schemes here. It flowed magnificently. I think you might change "stich" to "stitch" (spelling error. Good luck. Peace. -
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Thank you for pointing that out so I could correct it and for the comment!
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Ahhh she sounds like a two edge sword to me!! Entrancing and yet poisonous!!!
Bravo for combining all those options!!!
Fab write bro!
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