As a ship I drifted for passion's port
in salacious seas of clouds I court
Until another's song pulled me in
as a whirlpool of pleasure's sin
The siren's verse fills lusting sails
inhibitions lost in volition's trails
carnal crests lifting me ever close
towards alluring notes the temptress boasts
A lonely beauty begs waters deep
to bring this night a man to please
as an answering breeze I approach with care
to be the object of her whispered prayer
Though she's never seen my rugged face
she's quick to wrap me in love's embrace
my heart beats as the lapping tides
splashing deep within her naked eyes
Kisses caress bare shouldered thoughts
lingering here as harbored yachts
tongues thrash storms swept inside
filling whole a soul deprived
Flesh melts away in moisture's cove
burning hot where my intentions dove
sounds of ecstasy resonate
as I surge through inviting straits
The skies spread pink of colliding fronts
screams of delight for a sea birds stunts
I fall to rapture as the heavens unite
exploding sunsets, to usher in night
Author notes
Pic Credit:
Lost by *FrozenStarRo
In a list
A contest entry
- Erotica Extravaganza Part 1 Of 5 by markgrif.
600 points, ended July 2, 27 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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LOOK AT ALL THESE COMMENTS BY THE LADIES
wow, you. I'm impressed. Mark's contest too, and he's tough. As far as the poem goes, (Notice how I danced around that?). . .well now, can I just say whoa?
Splashing around in her eyes. . .ooooh...yummy.
Excellent, soft and sexy and smoking hot.
Damn it,
Jin
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This was a pleasure to read, the imagery is quite stunning and your rhyming quatrains were smooth as silk... the hopeless romantics among us are still swooning...
Ithica
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The flow and mood was intense here. I adored your working through the rhyme - it was spot on. You have an equal amount of imagery and simplicity weaved through and I adore this piece.
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I can see why the ladies are drooling. This is a gorgeous piece of sensual poetry. It's erotica of the mind not of the gutter. Just the way I like it. As for your mastery of metaphor I'm a wee bit envious. Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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This is a sensual tale, I enjoyed reading.
The only thing that comes to mind to say critical is I would have broken this up into different stanzas than you have. I noticed that in my reading.
Thank you bro for entering my rounds contest. -
oooh. As sensual as the ocean waves. I loved the lovely rhyme an perfect rhythm in this most alluring write. Very well done. Smooth as satin. ~Pamela
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another one!
ahuh, ahuh, ahuh....
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Whew~
This was outstanding!!!!
A sensual Sensation
Best of luck in the contest
Delila
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Excellent
Again, a very fine write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
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Wow, this is a beautiful poem, and that picture suits it perfectly! Good erotica is hard to write, because many people confuse it with smut... But this is very emotionally-deep as well, and I think I might have to take a cold shower!
Well done, and good luck!
Laura x
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Well when I have cooled off and am back in control of my faculties I will attempt to comment better but for now all I can say is.....WHEW!!! Is it hot in here or is it just me??.......Blazen!!! Best wishes.......
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hehe
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Oh indeed this was beautiful..
Thanks so much for sharing with me
made me smile.
Love
Passions
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"The skies spread pink of colliding fronts
screams of delight for a sea birds stunts
I fall to rapture as the heavens unite
exploding sunsets, to usher in night "
I absolutely love your use of metaphors in this piece, the imagery is captivating.
So soft and tender and sweet and enjoyable.
Well done,,,,,,,,,
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Subtle rhyme and a lovely metaphor skillfully interwoven throughout. The title promises and the poem fulfills that promise with sensual images. The last stanza is my favorite coming to a satisfying conclusion.
. Rewarded 4
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I like this alot. I like the consistancy of the metaphor throughout the poem. It is well written and flows very well throughout.
. Rewarded 4
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This encapsulates passion, sensual gentle eroticism and a wonderful celebration of romantic feeling, all wrapped into a delightful and well written piece of verse. Lovely!
. Rewarded 4
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wow.. This was amazing.. You did such a wonderful job.. It was smooth and soft.. The imagery was so sweet and sensual... It could just make you *sigh* reading it..lol.. You really brought the reader into this write and thats a rare thing.. You have written a wonderfully sensual poem that is just so sweet.. Bravo!! and best of luck
Angel
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Thank ya Angel! glad you liked it!
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Excellent
A very good write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thank you for sharing this one with us. -
That was origonal. What a stormy rendition. The skies spread pink of colliding fronts. screams of delight for a sea birds stunts. Never heard that in a sensual sense. But, it fit pretty well with the theme. Good stuff.
. Rewarded 4
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mmm clappies are uncooperative
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lol oh that's right I forgot I was going through my bookmarks LOL been here done that LOL..well it was worth reading again anyways
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This is gorgeous and the rhyme and rhythm that sway is like the ocean and its waves. Just beautifully done. Love, C
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This is a beautiful piece.What stuck out were the lines" Though she never seen my rugged face, she's quick to wrap me in love's embrace, my heart beats as the lapping tides, splashing deep within her naked eyes." I really liked that . It all flows so well!. Great!
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nice
this is a nice, pleasurable read. i enjoyed the warm-hearted atmosphere you put into this sensual poem.
i'm not sure that the tenses are tight - do they change from the past to the present? is it ok to do that?
i see that you like to adorn your nouns with adjectives. that's ok, although i think the nouns tend to lose a little bit of their power when they are constantly being modified. (but that's just a personal bias.)
good luck in the contest,
myron. -
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I changed the tenses purposefully from the past tense in the fist stanza to describe what the narrator was before he met the new object of his affection. the rest should be consistently present tense. Let me know if i missed something.
I hear ya about the adjectives and normally I try to keep them balanced out but felt it was neccessary to retain the sensual feel here.
Thank you for your honest comment drawing me deeping into the different possibilities of my own words.
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Stunning! Such a beautifully sensual piece, that is done gracefully and with such gorgeous sensual imagery... that you kept consistent throughout the write! Has such a feeling of eloquence about it also.. which makes it more than sensual.. but still very sensual!!
Brilliant write bro!
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Thank you sis!!! I told you I think that poem a few writes back was a break through piece for me. The thrill of the write is now more intense than ever as I am actually enjoying the outcomes myself.
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A lonely beauty begs waters deep
to bring this night a man to please
as an answering breeze I approach with care
to be the object of her whispered prayer
I love it Dan...it has such great elements of sensuality..yet more so to me how you used your metaphor ship..Excellent!!
only one tiny thing I found that like I suppose didn't seem to read so smoothly like the rest is --
carnal crests lifted me closer yet
untill finally seduction's met
it's the closer yet..going straight onto untill...which should only have one L too, im pretty sure
Just wow to the rhyming cause well it's hard enough in a normla poem, let alone to get that complete feel within an erotic sensual one...and boy you did it masterfully here
What more can I say
I'm not sure I can compete with this hehehe
Hope you do well Dan, I can see so much in this...and so much of your poetic gift
Cind
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Thank you Cindy for the wonderful comment!
You are right about the misspelling on "untill" only one l As far as that flowing right through there that was kinda what I thought too but figured I'd leave it until someone confirmed. Will let you know if I think of a better fit there.
-Dan
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A very lovely piece. Sensual yes, but in a very sophisticated and amorous manner. Great imagery and depth woven throughout!!!
[["my hearts beats as the lapping tides" maybe heart beats?]]
Great write! Best of luck in the contest!
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Ooo thank you!! That one escaped me!!
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Beautifully done in rhyme. The flow was wonderful in this and a pleasure to read. Love, C
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Oh this was so beautifully penned. Brilliant imagery and metaphor throughout, and I felt so at ease while reading this as it gives off feelings of serenity. Loved this line
" fall to rapture as the heavens unite
exploding sunsets to usher in night"
--So deeply creative and full of life!
Best of luck in the contest
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Let me know when this is done!!!!
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I'm kinda scared now! lol People already thinking I'm going to do good. pressure it mounting!! ahhhhhhhh
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