no one wants me to succeed
if they could help it, they would bring me down to their knees
no one for support
they don't care and they showed me the door
if i wanted to be a dancer, they think it's too girly
if i wanted to be a karate fighter, they feel it's way too violent and not my type
how can i prove them wrong, that i'm just as good at anything as my natural talent
how would they know?
they never want to step outside the comfort zone
they want things and people to come to them
they feel just because they don't want to try something new they felt you shouldn't try anything
they always want something they never worked for
i want to be different
if i was family i wouldn't tear my own down
just for the sake that they'll turn out something better than i
for it's because of they that i am held back
Author notes
ichigosama. sorry about that. i guess i didn't read this carefully. this is a personal about my life and the lives of other people who never got the support when need of the ones close to them. enjoy.
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything =D You Want by ElegantlyDangerous.
600 points, ended June 25, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think? please, don't be too cruel; nobody's perfect.
Comments
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A good try, I must admit
But could have been better if you could have used punctuation marks.....try try again.never ever give up....
with lots of reverence and love
Gaurav -
I didn’t just mean you forgot to put your username in your notes by my last comment.
I also meant that you didn’t follow this: “i love poetry that’s original, rich in metaphor and figurative language, shows rather than tells, uses careful word choices and line breaks effectively and pays close attention to detail.”
I would love to see some figurative language here. It’s all tell and no show. Also the whole poem feels very ranty. Like a little kid complaining about all of the crappy things in his or her life. Poetry is an awesome mode of expression. You can rant and complain all you want and actually write a poem that doesn’t sound like that by using figurative language and poetic devices to their fullest.
Think about what you are trying to say here more. You got the building blocks; you just need to work on the aesthetics. Think of this as like a brainstorm to the ideas of what you’d like to put in a poem.
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Good job great emotion <3 I like this good luck in the contest
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Hi, I don’t think you read the contest clearly. You didn’t follow my guidelines at all. Please check out the contest again for the type of poetry I am looking for.
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